11 Ways Turbulent Introverts Can Build Confidence and Sociability

Introduction

Are you as confident and sociable as you want to be? Personality types in the Constant Improvement Strategy (Turbulent Introverts) are very likely to report that they want to be more confident and sociable. Here, we’ll offer some basic but powerful tips on achieving that. But first, let’s get a better understanding of why Constant Improvement personality types might not be very confident or sociable and how those qualities can improve life.

While most Introverts are social, they are much less likely than Extraverts to be sociable. Turbulent personalities are much more likely than Assertive personalities to fear rejection. Consequently, socializing can seem to carry a heightened risk of emotional harm, exhaustion, or stress for Constant Improvers. Their response to that risk is often apprehension, reluctance, apathy, or distaste, any of which can interfere with their perception of joyful social rewards. They may not make much social investment because it doesn’t feel worth it.

cognitive distortions that can hold you back from experiences that you’re perfectly capable of handling with aplomb – and enjoying.

When you experience doubt or anxiety regarding social situations, it’s very helpful to pause and force yourself to examine your thoughts and feelings objectively. Ask yourself if they’re based on proven evidence or just assumptions stemming from your brain being overly sensitive to risk. Try to see past your automatic responses and allow yourself to embrace positive potentials more than pessimistic fantasies. Negative what-ifs are infinitely powerful if you don’t challenge them, but you can flex your ability to resist your mind’s tricks.

2. Classify Your Concerns

Another way to reduce your negative feelings around socializing is by tracking and testing them. This can rewrite your assumptions and help you build confidence. Write down how you think various common social situations that you’re likely to face will make you feel and how intense you think the feeling will be on a scale of 1 to 10. Then, when you enter those situations, compare how you actually feel with what you wrote down. (Hopefully, it won’t be nearly as bad as you thought.)

If you’re consciously working on developing confidence and sociability (for example, by practicing these tips), this method can show you how you’ve made progress from instance to instance. It will also help you learn what kinds of situations you react to most negatively, in which case you can ask yourself why. What element of the situation are you reacting to specifically? That kind of investigation can help you target your pain points and work through them.

3. Enter Busy Environments

A simple form of exposure therapy can help you build confidence in social situations and help you discover pleasant aspects of the social world that you can’t otherwise access. It all boils down to giving yourself time to get used to a social environment without a lot of pressure to perform or interact. You’ll become more comfortable just being around people, which gives you a supportive foundation to increase your social interactions and enjoy being sociable.

A classic example would be to go to a coffeehouse or café and just hang out by yourself, watching a show, reading a book, drawing, or doing something else that you enjoy. Work on accepting that you can be comfortable with the minor interactions that will arise, and feel good about sharing space and time around other people. It helps if you go someplace that you’re already comfortable with – you can try more challenging environments as you progress.

4. Start Small…Talk

Initiating casual chitchat with strangers is a great way for Constant Improvers to practice being confident and sociable. How do you think so many people with Extraverted personalities succeed socially? They talk to people. Lots of people! Sometimes meaningful and lasting friendships form out of nowhere. The key to growth here is accepting that your success is defined as taking action and being friendly, not by how people react. Learning to feel good about yourself no matter how people respond to you is the essence of charismatic confidence.

Set yourself a goal of starting at least one cheerful interaction with a stranger every time you go out. When making small talk, it’s best to focus on people nearby who aren’t otherwise occupied. Reaching out with small talk might go against your personality instincts (and make you nervous), but don’t worry – most people don’t mind brief pleasantries and friendly comments. At worst, they may show disinterest, in which case you can simply stop talking to them.

5. Model Confidence

“Fake it till you make it” sounds a bit crass, but when it comes to becoming more confident and sociable, acting can help you develop the mindset that you’re imitating. Plus, if you act confident and sociable on the outside, you can reap the rewards of those qualities regardless of how you feel inside. After a while, it’s less like you’re pretending and more like you’re exercising a skill. Will that ability become as innate as breathing to someone with your personality type? No, but neither is walking, something that people learn to do with proficiency though practice.

A confident and sociable mindset is equally practicable, and it can start with you imitating the behaviors of confident, socially successful people that you know and respect. (For example, smiling to project positivity even when you’re feeling uneasy.) Pro tip: Model your behavior after people who treat others kindly, not merely those who are popular, influential, or admired. People can achieve social success in unhealthy ways, and it’s important to be conscious of the person you’re developing into as you master the social world.

6. Focus on the Moment

Try to connect positively in social situations by becoming hyperaware of your immediate environment. You can allow your feelings, including stress, to exist without necessarily letting them guide you. It’s natural for Introverted personalities to have an inward focus, but good social experiences require interacting with the external world. Observing and absorbing all that’s around you is a great way to find avenues for enjoyment despite your negative responses – which may fade as a result.

Consciously examine where you are and what’s going on as well as being aware of how you feel. What are the sounds and smells? What can you learn from the body language of those around you? How many conversations can you hear? Could you move around to seek out interesting interactions? Could you do something to create them? Much like meditating on a single word or image can calm and energize your mind, focusing on your physical and social environment can help you find opportunities to become involved in it.

7. Avoid Avoidance

Eat your vegetables. That’s a metaphor for forcing yourself to do something you’d rather not because you know it’s good for you. When it comes to developing your confidence and sociability, there’s no substitute for active experience, and that means getting up and out of your personality type’s isolated habits and practicing your abilities out in the world. Like any form of skill development, you get out what you put in, and the best times that you’ll have in your life usually won’t advertise themselves in advance – you’ve got to go meet up with them.

What that looks like in daily life is accepting social invitations, mustering your best efforts to communicate openly with others, and seeking interactions on your own. Visit friends and family or invite them to visit you. Go shopping. Go to a bar. Join an activity club. Make a lunch date in the middle of the workday. Put away your devices and get some face time with real people. Most of all, allow yourself to fully appreciate the good times, and use that reward as motivation. Of course, as an Introverted personality type, you’ll want some time alone, too, but don’t talk yourself out of socializing when opportunities to connect appear.

8. Connect by Degrees

Some Constant Improvement personalities are less sociable not because they feel unconfident but because they don’t perceive enough reward in socializing. This can stem from feeling misunderstood or having very unique interests and beliefs. For some, it can seem hard to find anyone with whom they share enough commonality to be worth the effort of building a friendship. Yet that is a lack of confidence because it assumes inevitable failure. It can help to be more open-minded about how you connect with others.

Friendships don’t have to be profound to be fun. Whatever your social tastes, there are others who share your mindset and interests…at least in part. It may be rare to find friends who completely “get” your personality, but you can connect with someone over just one thing that you have in common, despite your other differences. It could be a mentality, activity, experience, or any kind of common ground. There’s nothing like sharing a sense of resonance with a friend, but it doesn’t need to be comprehensive to be authentic and fulfilling.

9. Team Up

This idea is simple: if you have some friends with more sociable and outgoing personalities than yours, just tag along and go out with them. Your friends can forge the way into exciting adventures, lend you some energy, and take care of you while you practice being confident and sociable. Even if your friends aren’t any more outgoing than you are, it can be a lot easier to have fun when you’re not alone.

You’ll also increase the fun by sharing ideas and inspiration about your social outing, each of you contributing a different viewpoint. And if things turn out poorly, the shared experience can still be worth a laugh.

10. Stop Self-Criticism

Would it be reasonable to criticize an average person for missing more free throws than a seasoned NBA player? Of course not. Likewise, it’s not reasonable to criticize yourself for what you see as social gaffes, failures, or missed opportunities. Let’s be real: you’ve already identified yourself as someone whose social life could use some work, and there’s no shame in that. Failure is part of learning, and when reviewing your actions, you must apply a standard of judgment suitable for a student, not an expert. To do otherwise is unreasonable and illogical.

Being hard on yourself only harms your motivation and self-esteem, and that can slow your progress. When you could have done better, know that next time you will. It’s okay to think about how you can improve, but that’s different from focusing on your failures. “I screwed up and should have done [fill in the blank]! But I didn’t, and that’s okay. I’m human, just like everyone else.” Negative self-talk can make you want to quit, so be reasonable – and kind – to yourself.

11. Be Curious

We all have some level of curiosity, and bringing that forth as much as possible can make socializing more enjoyable. If you have strict expectations about how things will or should turn out, you’re limiting your positive possibilities. Instead, curiosity can free you from the risks of the moment by helping you think like a scientist – any result is knowledge and, therefore, a good result. Who knows what you might learn through social experience?

In a way, curiosity is the essence of openness. It can motivate you to ask people questions and explore how to make interactions more enjoyable for everyone involved. If nothing else, you might stumble onto some fascinating observations of human behavior. Plus, people tend to like being asked about themselves because it makes them feel valued. So, yeah – friendly, gentle curiosity is a nearly universal social tool that you can practice.

Conclusions

Your reasons for wanting to develop socially are undoubtedly unique, but for most Constant Improvement personalities, it’s about feeling more secure and enjoying life. Building confidence can bring a sense of personal empowerment and can make your days brighter just by not having to deal with so much doubt and worry. And being sociable – however much you want to – can create a satisfying inner sense of belonging as well as rewards like mutual support, fun, and unexpected opportunities. But taking steps to expand your social qualities is not without its challenges.

As you work to develop your confidence and sociability, there may be moments when you just want to run the other way, because your sense of risk is screaming at you on an emotional level. That’s okay, and how you get past that will also be unique. You might decide to gently embrace your fears without judgment as you carry on anyway. You might fight them with sheer will, determined to meet the version of yourself that waits on the other side of those fears. Or you might simply get tired of your worst imaginings running your life and demand something different.

Many things can move you forward, but you may nonetheless occasionally reach your social saturation point and need to take a break. That’s not only okay – it’s also wise. If you get burned out, you won’t enjoy yourself much. Pushing past your doubts and limits when something good awaits is a great way to exercise and grow your social abilities, but resting when you’re exhausted from exercising is essential self-care. Listen to your energy levels and take time to process your accomplishments, and you’ll keep making progress.