7 Ways Any Personality Type Can Overcome Loneliness

The world is more connected than ever, and anyone, no matter where they are, is just a phone call or text away. People can send voice messages and connect via video calls, and social media provides an endless scroll of friends’ and acquaintances’ personal photos.

Despite being so hyperconnected, many people feel lonelier than ever. Before COVID-19, modern society was experiencing what has been called a “loneliness epidemic.” This loneliness only spread and deepened when the pandemic required social distancing, travel limits, and remote work.

Yet not everyone has been equally affected. Some personality traits may protect certain groups of people and give them the mindsets and skills needed to better cope with loneliness. But the good news is that anyone, regardless of their personality type or traits, can learn these tools to overcome even the loneliest days.

Loneliness and Personality Traits, According to the Formal Research

A study published in the European Journal of Personality in January 2020, before COVID-19 impacted most people’s social lives, analyzed which personality traits are positively and negatively correlated with loneliness. The researchers defined loneliness as the discrepancy between the levels of companionship, connectedness, and intimacy that a person desires and the levels that they experience. In other words, a person may consider themselves lonely if they want more socialization than they actually have.

The study used personality traits from the Big Five personality model, which are similar to (though not exactly the same as) many of the traits that we use in our 16Personalities framework. The research found a negative correlation between four of the Big Five traits and loneliness:

high levels of extraversion (comparable to the Extraverted trait in our model)
high levels of agreeableness (similar to our model’s Feeling trait)
high levels of conscientiousness (most related to the Judging trait)
low levels of neuroticism (or, in our model, the Assertive trait)

This would suggest that people without these traits may struggle more with feelings of loneliness. We could assume, then, that personality types with one or more of the Introverted, Thinking, Prospecting, and Turbulent traits might experience loneliness more often or more intensely than other personality types.

Lonely or Just Alone?

Is predicting loneliness really as simple as looking at personality traits? Besides the formal research using the Big Five model, we’ve done some research of our own in our “Loneliness” survey. Compared to the formal study, which was completed and published before the pandemic, our survey has been collecting responses since late 2019 – and includes the period when the world experienced the height of COVID-related shutdowns and lifestyle changes.

Still, many of the findings match up. For example, Introverts are about twice as likely as Extraverts to say they feel lonely very often, and Turbulence is the greatest indicator of whether or not a personality type is likely to experience loneliness. Personalities with the Prospecting trait are also slightly more likely to report feeling lonely, compared to Judging types.

However, there are some differences between the above study and our survey. For one, the formal research would likely position Diplomats, who all share the Feeling trait, as less likely to struggle with loneliness. But we’ve found that these relationship-oriented personalities are more likely to say they feel lonely compared to other Roles. Although Diplomats possess a key trait that could safeguard them against loneliness, their need to care for and connect with others could make them extra sensitive to loneliness.

On the other end of the spectrum are Analysts, known for their Thinking trait. These personalities, especially when Introverted, are often considered lone wolves, yet they don’t report higher levels of loneliness compared to several other personalities. In fact, Analysts are the most likely Role to say they rarely feel lonely. And all Analyst personalities are above average in saying they’re good at coping with loneliness. Unlike Diplomats, most Analysts aren’t especially concerned with belonging to a social group. They exemplify the possibility of being alone without feeling lonely.

Extraverts’ responses in the “Loneliness” survey also prove that loneliness and being alone aren’t always intertwined. Extraverts thrive in social settings and rarely shy away from being the center of attention. But even though the formal research suggests that Extraversion is negatively correlated with loneliness, 52% of Extraverts in our survey say they feel lonely often or very often.

It’s worth noting, though, that around the same percentage of Extraverts also say their loneliness has increased over the last five years, which could relate to the social shifts that occurred during the pandemic. Still, these lonely Extraverts are proof that an outgoing attitude isn’t all that it takes to overcome loneliness. Several factors, including but certainly not limited to personality traits, can determine whether people feel lonely.

7 Ways to Overcome Loneliness

In some cases, personality traits may influence loneliness, and in other cases, external factors are the trigger. So, is loneliness completely random and out of our control? Not exactly.

Just as any personality type can feel lonely from time to time, any type can get better at managing loneliness too. People with the Extraverted, Feeling, Judging, or Assertive personality traits each offer their own lessons in dealing with isolation that anyone can learn. Here are seven tips to try.

1. Focus on Face-to-Face Quality Time

It’s no surprise that Introverts may not gravitate toward constant face time with their peers. Their in-person social contact tends to be much less frequent than that of their Extraverted counterparts, with 58% of Introverts reporting that they spend no more than three hours per week in person with their friends (compared to just 26% of Extraverts reporting the same).

Introverts may be content with this routine, but face-to-face relationships are important in staving off loneliness. Just ask Extraverts: according to our survey results, they’re likely to become more social when feeling lonely, compared to Introverts, who may retreat into more alone time. Extraverts’ response to isolation may be the key to their lower rates of loneliness, and it’s one that anyone can borrow. Sending a text or playing an online game with friends may be a start, but face-to-face interactions often invite deeper engagement and connection.

2. Connect through Cognitive Empathy

Empathy may explain why the research study cited above found Feeling types to be less lonely than others. But people with the Feeling trait are not the only ones who can be empathetic. Thinking types can embrace cognitive empathy, a type of empathy that allows them to imagine how others are feeling even if they sometimes struggle to “feel” those feelings.

One reason why empathy – cognitive or otherwise – may be linked to lower rates of loneliness is that it breaks people out of their own thoughts (which may be especially negative during lonely times) and shines a light into the perspectives of others. This small shift can be a valuable reminder that we all have our own struggles, no matter how lonely we feel.

Feeling types often take this empathy one step further by finding ways to perform acts of kindness for others. The connections made when offering a helping hand to a stranger, coworker, or loved one can go a long way in negating loneliness.

3. Make (and Keep) Plans

People with the Judging personality trait prefer to organize nearly every detail of their schedules, and this can be a strength when it comes to planning social outings. Prospecting types, on the other hand, tend to take life as it comes, even changing up their plans if something new comes along. Their flexibility may serve them well if a spontaneous party or last-minute get-together pops up. But if it doesn’t, they might be left at home alone with no one to spend time with.

Penciling in plans can help Prospecting personalities stay connected and committed to the people they care about most. It can also help them forge new friendships and expand their social circles. And if they get tempted to cancel – whether to stay home or in favor of another social invitation – it’s often best to stick with the original plan. If the friend is a Judging type, canceling could dampen the future of the friendship, especially if done repeatedly.

4. Consider What Could Go Right

Assertive types are less likely than Turbulent types to experience loneliness often. They’re also far less likely to say they fear rejection. Assertive personalities tend to approach life and their relationships with confidence and optimism, but these qualities can take time to build if they don’t come so naturally.

Thankfully, people with the Turbulent trait don’t necessarily need to be oozing confidence to overcome loneliness. Just one way of reframing social interactions can make a huge difference: consider what could go right, not what could go wrong.

Loneliness often perpetuates people’s negative beliefs about rejection and how others view them. It’s crucial to break the cycle, little by little, and recognize the social opportunities that are within reach. So for those who are avoiding asking out a crush or striking up a conversation with an interesting acquaintance, imagine and write down the many positive outcomes that could potentially become a reality.

5. Reevaluate Expectations

A tip for people who are feeling lonely, regardless of their personality type, is to assess the kinds of relationships that they expect to have. Some people might feel lonely because they’re single, even though they have a solid group of friends. Others might feel lonely because they have few friendships, yet they share a friendship-like bond with a sibling. One way of coping with loneliness is to appreciate the people who are already there and focus on strengthening those existing relationships.

Expectations can play a big role in how intense loneliness feels. Expecting to have a romantic partner or pals to spend every weekend with can get in the way of the social connections that already exist. Even small talk with the local coffee shop barista can be meaningful. Those who are coping with loneliness should be careful not to discount these relationships and interactions, even if it sometimes means adjusting expectations.

6. Lean into Solitude

Another strategy for all personality types is to see the value in being alone. The most significant periods of personal growth can also be some of the loneliest. For example, moving to a new city or rebuilding your life after letting go of a dysfunctional friendship can be extremely isolating, and yet it’s only in this isolation that some of the most valuable life lessons can manifest.

When being alone is inevitable – or downright necessary – embrace the opportunity to explore and grow through solitary activities like journaling, trying a new hobby, or soaking up self-help resources.

7. Remember That No One’s Alone in Feeling Lonely

A little comfort when dealing with loneliness is knowing that no one is actually alone. In the darkest, most isolating times, this can feel impossible to believe. It can be hard to locate a single soul who feels just as lonely as you.

However, in our “Loneliness” survey, about half of all respondents say they feel lonely often or very often. In another survey, 87% say they often feel like they don’t belong. Especially in light of the COVID-19 pandemic, rates of loneliness are perhaps higher than ever. This doesn’t mean that anyone should settle for feeling alone, but there’s nothing “wrong” or abnormal about feeling lonely either.

Conclusion: Loneliness Is Temporary

Loneliness can feel scary or even debilitating. But with time, loneliness can also be overcome with habit changes and mindset shifts. At times, it might also require, say, waiting out a pandemic or the first lonely months in a new city.

Certain traits may make loneliness easier to beat (or avoid) for some personalities, while other traits may make loneliness more likely. But with a bit of hope and a new approach, anyone can learn to navigate the lonely periods in life.

For some, those periods may come and go – loneliness isn’t usually something that comes up once and never again. Don’t be alarmed if it creeps back up after a while. Even if loneliness reappears with time, it can be overcome again.

How have you overcome loneliness in your life? Share your thoughts and tips with others in the comments below!