Are Introverts’ Social Lives as Bad as Everyone Thinks?

Did you know that our work here at 16Personalities is doggedly research-based? So, when we examine a common notion like Introverts’ social lives being “deficient,” we don’t just pull assumptions out of our fluffy little ears.

In 2019, we launched an ambitious juggernaut: “Life Satisfaction” surveys that let people assess themselves. For example, the Personal Development section lets you measure your current versus ideal level of certain personal characteristics. Overall, the ideal levels that people report are typically higher than current levels, regardless of individual personality traits.

But one exception stands out.

For us “dogs of research,” that kind of thing is a thrown ball. (Woof, woof, what does it mean?)

Let’s Chew on Some Numbers

Stats might seem dry as a bone, but they can yield a juicy core of understanding if you’re willing to bite. We’re talking about you and everyone you know, so we hope a few numbers won’t leave you panting.

Let’s expand on the above stats. Introverts put their current sociability at 2.3, well below their 3.65 ideal. Extraverts’ current level of 3.71 is a bit below their ideal level of 4.37. So, both personality types desire social development. But the gap between where Introverts think they are and where they want to be is double that of Extraverts.

Is this an accurate assessment among Introverts? Maybe, maybe not. They may have a biased view of their own sociability – in this case, negative.

One reason might be that modern culture holds being highly social as ideal. Extraverts’ real-world examples of such behavior may look ideal from the outside. So, people may associate Introversion with social problems (even though Extraverts have social issues too).

All those things can send Introverted personalities the message that their level of sociability is wrong. But what’s “right” is arguable, subjective – and perhaps a matter of preference.

So, there are intriguing questions to consider. Are Introverts’ social lives as deficient as is believed? Is being more sociable the right goal for them? In short, is the grass greener on the other side, or are Introverts barking up the wrong tree?

We invite you to sniff out some insights with us now. (And hey, feel free to use those awesome Life Satisfaction surveys to investigate yourself!)

Do Introverts Have Enough Friends?

A classic measure of your social life is how many friends you have. Popular perception of Introverted personalities includes their being socially removed and not having many friends. This might be true for some, but is the average Introvert scratching at a closed door while others play in the yard?

Let’s look at some data from our “Friend Groups” survey:

28% of Introverts and 12% of Extraverts report having 1–2 people in their primary friend group.
43% of Introverts and 38% of Extraverts report having 3–4 people in their primary friend group.
20% of Introverts and 29% of Extraverts report having 5–6 people in their primary friend group.
9% of Introverts and 21% of Extraverts report having 7+ people in their primary friend group.

The difference is significant in the 1–2 friend category, but not so much in the others. Is that 3–4 friend “zone” the sweet spot? Overall, it’s the most likely number of friends for both Introverts and Extraverts to have, and the gap between them is small (5 percentage points, to be precise). It isn’t very big in the second most likely 5–6 friend category, either (9 percentage points).

Extraverts do report having more friends, but the difference between the types is less than many people might think. And perhaps, not even a problem for most Introverts. Check out another item in the same survey:

A solid majority of Introverts report being content with the number of friends they have. Relatively speaking, Extraverts are much more likely to want more friends. (Though it’s interesting that barely over half of these personalities agree – perhaps that’d be a fun ball to chase another day?)

According to these numbers, Introverts are closer to having their ideal number of friends than Extraverts.

Do Introverts Go Out with Their Friends Often Enough?

Let’s look at another measure of sociability – going out with friends. Typical descriptions of Introverts (including ours) have them enjoying solitary pursuits more than spending time with other people. That may be true relative to Extraverts, but it’s not an absolute.

In the Friendship section of our Life Satisfaction surveys, we ask, “How often do you go out accompanied by your friends?” Here are some notable results:

26% of Introverts and 44% of Extraverts say friends accompany them 80–100% of the time.
17% of Introverts and 21% of Extraverts say friends accompany them 60% of the time.

Combining those categories shows that 43% of Introverts and 65% of Extraverts have friends with them the majority of times they go out. A significant difference, to be sure. But as our next insight shows, it doesn’t necessarily mean that Introverted personalities are socially deficient compared to Extraverted personalities.

The same survey asks, “Ideally, would you like to go out with [your friends] more or less often?” Check out these results:

66% of Introverts and 74% of Extraverts say they’d like to go out with their friends somewhat or significantly more often.
29% of Introverts and 25% of Extraverts say they’d like to go out with their friends about the same amount.

Majorities of both personality types report wanting to go out with friends more often. But Introverts are 8 percentage points less likely to feel that way than Extraverts, and 4 percentage points more likely to say they’re satisfied with how often they go out with their friends. Sounds like they’re a hair less deficient in that regard.

These aren’t major statistical differences, to be clear. However, this data supports the idea that Introverts are closer to having their ideal social activity level than Extraverts.

Do Introverts Create Enough Contact with Friends?

One aspect of sociability that can be significant in its real-world effects is how likely someone is to actively seek social interaction. There’s a difference between enjoying social contact and starting it, and, especially for Introverted personalities, that may be an important distinction.

In the Friendship section of our Life Satisfaction surveys, we ask, “About how often are you the one who initiates contact with your friends?” Here are some key results:

22% of Introverts and 35% of Extraverts say they initiate contact with friends 80–100% of the time.
27% of Introverts and 38% of Extraverts say they initiate contact with friends 60% of the time.

Those are relatively significant differences between the types, in both categories. Yet, 49% of Introverts report that, more than half of the time, they’re the ones to contact a friend rather than the other way around. They’re not exactly hiding in the doghouse. In fact, their approach could be seen as nicely balanced.

It’s also important to note that Introverted personality types may very well enjoy it when their friends contact them. So even when Introverts aren’t the ones to initiate contact, many gladly welcome it, resulting in positive social interaction. Given that – and the fact that initiating contact is as easy as tapping a screen – this might just be the way they like things to be.

These numbers likely represent Introverts’ social life preferences more than any deficiency.

Final Thoughts: What’s Right for Introverts?

Many Introverts and Extraverts show a desire to improve their social lives, and that’s a worthy goal. But overall, the data we’ve presented here makes a strong argument: compared to Extraverts, key aspects of most Introverts’ social lives are closer to what they want.

This contradicts some common views about these personality types – perhaps including their own. We think this data is a compelling, concrete reason for Introverts to see themselves more positively.

They may have fewer friends than Extraverts, but they’re more likely to be happy with the number of friends they have and how often they see them. They’re less likely than Extraverts to start an interaction with their friends, but not unlikely – and that’s mostly a matter of choice, anyway.

So, why do many Introverts feel that they’re so far from their ideal level of sociability?

The answer might lie in the nebulous area between who people naturally are and who they think they should be. Those cultural ideals that we mentioned earlier probably have a big influence on how people see themselves, among other factors.

There’s a difference between wanting to be more socially proficient and wanting to be more socially inclined. For most Introverts, the former is just a matter of practice, but the latter may represent a difficult shift in core preferences.

For many Introverts, a self-perceived gap between current and ideal sociability levels might mean, “I wish I wanted to be more sociable.”

Let’s be clear: anyone desiring personal development – social or otherwise – should pursue it. We at 16Personalities not only applaud such growth but also actively support it with free, searchable advice articles and our Premium Profiles and members’ Academy. Helping people grow is literally our goal.

But for many Introverts, that might not mean trying to become an Extravert. It’s worth digging a little deeper into facts before chasing other-side-of-the-fence social ideals – or viewing Introversion as a deficiency in the first place. The “right” amount of sociability for any individual is unique, and Introverts can leap for whatever best creates success and happiness in their lives.

If you’re an Introvert working to evolve your sociability, it may be helpful to keep certain questions in mind as you go, like:

Is it more important to you to connect better with people or to connect with more people?
What specific aspects of being sociable are most beneficial for you to focus on?
Are the social ideals you’re striving for proving to be real – and satisfying?
Are there times when the costs of being sociable outweigh the benefits?
Are you practicing being sociable in a way that keeps you happy and healthy?

Above all else, one thing we’d really like Introverts to hear is that, statistically, your social lives are probably just fine. The grass is green in your yard. The door is open if you want to go out. You’re a very good personality type, yes you are!

Would you like us to explore more Life Satisfaction survey results in future articles? If so, let us know what areas (personal development, romantic relationships, friendship, academic path, career, or parenting) are most interesting to you in the comments below!