Have you ever asked yourself why you repeat the same patterns in your romantic relationships despite your best efforts to change? The answer might lie in the fascinating intersection of attachment theory and personality type.
Imagine that your personality is like a house – its foundation laid by genetics and early experiences, its rooms shaped by your unique traits and preferences. Now picture your attachment style as the front door of this house – it’s how you welcome others in or, sometimes, keep them at arm’s length.
While attachment theory and personality type are two distinct concepts, they often intertwine in ways that shape our behaviors and preferences within our relationships, especially in the realm of romance.
In this article, we’ll explore attachment theory and its connections to personality. Understanding both can lead to personal growth and healthier relationships. By the end, you might just have a new perspective on why you are the way you are. And, hopefully, you’ll be able to use these new insights to your advantage.
What Is Attachment Theory and What Are Attachment Styles?
First proposed by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, attachment theory suggests that our earliest experiences with caregivers lay the groundwork for our expectations, behaviors, and emotional responses in close relationships throughout our lives. He concluded that the bonds that we form with our primary caregivers in infancy fundamentally influence how we interact with others, from friendships to romantic partnerships.
Mary Ainsworth, a colleague of Bowlby’s, and her graduate student Mary Main later expanded on this theory through Ainsworth’s famous “Strange Situation” experiments. These studies involved observing how infants reacted when briefly separated from and then reunited with their mothers. The researchers’ observations led to the identification of four different attachment styles, one of which is secure and the other three insecure. These four different attachment styles describe distinct behavioral patterns in how these babies interacted with their mothers – patterns that have since been shown to persist into adulthood and later relationships:
- Secure attachment: This attachment style is evident in children who feel confident exploring the world, knowing that they can always return to a safe and comforting caregiver. As adults, securely attached people generally feel comfortable with intimacy and can form and maintain healthy, stable romantic relationships. They typically have a positive view of themselves and others and can usually balance independence with emotional closeness.
- Anxious or anxious-preoccupied attachment: Picture a child who becomes extremely distressed when separated from their caregiver and has difficulty calming down upon being reunited with them. As an adult, this person will likely have a strong desire for closeness as well as a tendency to fear abandonment. In their romantic relationships, people with the anxious-preoccupied attachment style often struggle with feelings of insecurity and seek constant reassurance and validation from their partner.
- Avoidant or dismissive-avoidant attachment: Some children show little distress when separated from their caregiver and then avoid them when they return. These are early signs of a dismissive-avoidant attachment style. As adults, these individuals tend to value independence and self-reliance over intimacy. They may have difficulty trusting others and may often avoid close relationships or emotional vulnerability.
- Disorganized or fearful-avoidant attachment: This attachment style combines elements of both anxious and avoidant patterns. It is often reflective of a childhood with caregivers who provided intensely inconsistent care. One moment, a child could find comfort and, in another, great pain – either emotionally or physically. Because of this, fearful-avoidant people may desire close relationships but also fear intimacy, leading to conflicting emotions and unpredictable behaviors within their romantic relationships.
The Interplay Between Attachment Styles and Personality
So how do attachment styles and personality theory fit together?
Early experiences with our caregivers can shape certain aspects of our personality, but our innate temperament also affects how we form secure or insecure attachments. A child with an inherently more cautious or sensitive nature (possibly an Introverted or Feeling personality type), for example, may be more likely to develop an insecure attachment style if their caregiver is inconsistent. Conversely, a child with a more outgoing nature (such as an Extraverted personality type) might be more resilient in the face of inconsistent caregiving, developing a more secure attachment style despite experiencing similar circumstances.
It’s important to note that certain aspects of personality are thought to be innate and relatively stable throughout the different phases of a person’s life. These core aspects of who we are – whether we’re Introverted or Extraverted, Thinking or Feeling, and so on – tend to remain relatively consistent. Attachment styles, on the other hand, are more influenced by experiences, meaning that they can also change over time, intentionally or not.
Key Takeaway: While your core personality traits may be more stable, your attachment patterns can evolve with self-awareness and effort.
Attachment Styles and Personality Traits
All this brings us to the big question: Which attachment style are each of the 16 personality types most likely to have?
Well, we hate to disappoint you, but the truth is that there’s no one-to-one correlation between attachment styles and specific personality types. However, we can observe some interesting links between attachment styles and personality traits.
If you don’t know your personality type or aren’t sure which personality traits you have, now is a great time to take our free personality test.
Secure Attachment
The secure attachment style is more likely to be seen in individuals who exhibit confidence and emotional stability, which suggests a correlation between this attachment pattern and the Assertive personality trait. More self-assured individuals tend to navigate the balance between independence and intimacy relatively easily, possibly due to their more consistent sense of self-confidence.
And while the connection isn’t definitive, research also suggests a potential link between the secure attachment style, Extraversion, and the Feeling trait. It might be the case that people who are more outwardly focused and emotionally attuned may have a stronger tendency to develop secure attachments.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment
The anxious-preoccupied attachment style often manifests in individuals who exhibit less overall confidence, heightened emotional sensitivity, and a strong focus on interpersonal relationships. These tendencies are most closely associated with both the Turbulent and Feeling personality traits.
Regardless of their other traits, Turbulent types tend to experience more frequent emotional fluctuations and self-doubt. Similarly, individuals with the Feeling trait tend to prioritize emotions and interpersonal harmony, which could amplify their concern for how their partner is feeling and the stability of their relationship.
In our “Relying on Others” survey, we ask, “Are you often afraid of being rejected by other people?” While this question is not specifically about romantic relationships, it provides a very striking example of how these two traits influence a person’s sense of security in their relationships. More than 87% of Turbulent personalities and 82% of Feeling types confirm that rejection is a very real fear for them, compared to only 43% of Assertive and 55% of Thinking types.
For a visual reference, take a look at the charts below. First, you’ll see the data organized by Strategy. Compare the Introverted and Turbulent Constant Improvers (89% agreement) and the Extraverted and Turbulent Social Engagers (83% agreement) to the Introverted and Assertive Confident Individualists (46% agreement) and Extraverted and Assertive People Masters (37%). The difference in agreement is remarkable, with the Turbulent Strategies showing an average agreement that is 44 points higher than that of the Assertive Strategies.
Roles. Notice how Analysts (who all share the Thinking trait) have the lowest overall agreement with this question, at 56%. In contrast, Diplomat personality types (who all share the Feeling trait) show the highest agreement, at 82% – a difference of 26 points.
“Emotional Vulnerability” survey, we ask, “Immediately after sharing your vulnerability with someone, do you usually feel more relieved or anxious?” While this question doesn’t specifically address intimate communication in a romantic relationship, it does reveal which personalities are most likely to find emotionally sensitive communication deeply uncomfortable.
Nearly 67% of Introverts report feeling anxious after being vulnerable with someone, compared to 48% of Extraverts.