“You’re already this deep in nursing. You already know what it is. Just keep looking and trying to find something in [the field]. Don’t waste that time, effort, and money to go into something else.”
One of my dearest friends, Emily, has always had a solid sense of direction in life that I deeply admire. After high school, she immediately started her studies as a nursing major at a small, private university. She graduated summa cum laude, had a job waiting for her after graduation, and later went on to get a master’s degree. She has always done everything right.
And she is burned out.
“I see my husband, who’s happy in his job every single day, and I see my friend who has been a nurse forever and isn’t happy, and I think to myself, ‘Do I really want to be dealing with this for the rest of my life, as a career?… Is it worth my sanity long term?’ Because I’m only almost 30, and I have a lot of time left. And I don’t know if I want to spend it doing what I am doing.”
Not that long ago, Emily confided to me that she has been actively exploring different job opportunities. She reassured me that she wasn’t going to impulsively quit her job or jump into anything that was less than ideal, but she was definitely – and maybe even desperately – ready for a new direction.
In that conversation, I could feel her internal struggle. Everything that she has worked so hard to achieve has been slowly sapping the life out of her. When she talked about her professional life, she referred to a complex tangle of emotions that included moments of profound satisfaction and purpose mixed with disappointment, frustration, regret, and interestingly, gratitude.
Career burnout is very real. It’s particularly common among nurses, especially since the pandemic. But Emily seems to be suffering not just from burnout – she seems to actually regret her choice of career, at least to some extent.
That chat with Emily gave me a lot to think about. The writer in me was curious to dig deeper into these themes of career burnout, regret, and the feeling of being “in too deep” to easily change course on a career that’s been a lifetime in the making. The friend in me wanted to bring Emily along for the ride.
So I asked if I could informally interview her and poke through her emotions a little. I thought her story would make an interesting case study for others who may be experiencing an internal conflict similar to her own. Because she is awesome, Emily humored me. All the quotes that you’ve seen up until now are hers, as are all the ones that follow. By sharing her experience through her own words, it is my hope that readers will feel less alone if they find themselves navigating through this sort of professional dilemma.
Oh yeah… I’ll be talking about all of this in the context of personality theory. Emily is a Turbulent Advocate (INFJ-T). If you don’t know your personality type yet, take our free personality test to find out.
The Pain of Career Regret
“I regret not exploring what I could have been. I regret digging in deeper and getting my master’s degree without really thinking about what I wanted it for. Some days I regret my education completely.”
The realization that maybe you’ve made a mistake in your career path can be discomforting and difficult to admit. Finding the courage to change course and coming up with a practical plan for doing so without sabotaging everything that you’ve worked so hard for can feel daunting – if not impossible.
While career regret doesn’t always reveal itself under the same circumstances for everybody, it often has its roots in denial. In Emily’s case, it started simply enough. She chose her college degree and settled into her career path, excitedly making the initial investments in her future. But as time went on and she learned the ins and outs of the field, she started getting the inkling that maybe what she thought was her dream job might not be her cup of tea after all. At this point, she shoved those initial feelings of doubt aside. She was, after all, saving lives, and she found her job to be deeply meaningful. So she kept going. It’s just what made sense.
Like many people who come to regret their careers, she eventually invested so much time, energy, and money that she felt stuck with her choice. Plus, it wasn’t all bad. If she backed out or changed course, all that effort and sacrifice would have been for nothing.
From the initial feelings of “I wish I would have done things differently” to those heavy and sometimes depressing sensations of powerlessness and being trapped, career regret started to weigh heavily on her mind.
What Is the Sunk Cost Fallacy? And What Does It Have to Do with Career Regret?
“I am a fortunate person in that I have a husband who encourages me, but every time I think about making the leap and wasting 12 years… Do I really want to throw 12 years of my time in the trash to start over and build myself up in a different profession? Hell no. That weighs on me every single day.”
The progression described above that led Emily to a sense of regret over her career is also a perfect example of something called the sunk cost fallacy.
When we have invested time, energy, and yes, money – especially money – into something, it can be hard to cut our losses and walk away. This is the essence of the sunk cost fallacy, which basically describes how the resources that we’ve put into something influence our decision-making processes.
It’s the sunk cost fallacy influencing Emily when she asks, “Do I really want to throw 12 years of my time in the trash to start over?” It’s also the driving factor when someone continues sinking energy and resources into their chosen path, convinced that they have to finish or stick with what they started. The flaw in this thinking is the idea that if they don’t, everything that they’ve invested up to that point will have been for nothing. This painful realization can move people to make decisions that often lead to later regret.
For some people, it may be difficult to see this way of thinking as flawed. Depending on how committed they are to commitment itself or whether they see their work as part of a bigger cause, the sense of loss or failure that could result from walking away from a plan or project could be far more painful than some lingering sense of dissatisfaction. But if a course of action is not returning more value than it takes to create it, whether monetary or moral or by some other measure, then it doesn’t make sense to continue. Denying that is the fallacy.
What Does Personality Type Have to Do with Career Regret and the Sunk Cost Fallacy?
“When I chose nursing, I didn’t think I was capable of being a doctor. I didn’t think I was capable of an engineering degree. I didn’t think that any of those higher education opportunities were feasible for me, [not only] because I didn’t think I was capable but also because of finances.
“Even before I graduated high school, [my] mom drilled into me that if I didn’t make something of myself – if I didn’t get good grades – I wasn’t going to be anything… [So] the fear of not succeeding – like when my mom had to go to food banks – the fear of that becoming my reality and not breaking [that] cycle…that fear always permeated every single thing I did, and that is why I was so perfectionistic about getting good grades and not messing up.”
When talking to Emily about her career regret, the personality enthusiast in me immediately picked up on the underlying influence that self-doubt, self-confidence, and the weight of expectations played in her decision-making.
And because these tendencies are so deeply ingrained in her personality, they’ve influenced – and continue to influence – every decision that she’s made along her career path.
“Going back for a master’s was me doubling down – because it wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t working, but I was afraid to go back and change things or disappoint my mom, because she helped me pay for that education…
“Shortly after I started [my current job]…they had a manager’s position posted for my department, and I was qualified. I had experience… I had the master’s degree that they wanted. The only thing I didn’t have was leadership and management experience. And I let my self-confidence and my fear of what my peers would view me as scare me away from applying for that position.
“I’m afraid to take on more responsibility. I’m afraid to take on a job I may not like. I’m afraid to give up the job I already have. And I worry about how my career moves will be perceived [by] my peers and other people.”
The emotional turmoil that underlies Emily’s career regret likely feels relatable to other Turbulent personality types.
The Turbulent Factor
The vast majority of Turbulent individuals, about 94% of those who responded to our “Doubts” survey, admit that they often think about their past decisions and wonder what they could have done differently. This leads to a stronger tendency to dwell on regrets or perceived mistakes. This personality trait is also a good indicator that a person may have a tenuous sense of self-confidence and struggle under the weight of expectations, both their own and those of others.
In Emily’s situation, that fragile sense of confidence that is common among Turbulent personality types held her back from pursuing a more challenging degree that could have led to a more satisfying career. When her intuition first warned her that she might prefer a different field, her worry about expectations led her to dig deeper into nursing, under the influence of the sunk cost fallacy. And that tendency to ruminate on doubt and past mistakes has led her to struggle with career regret.
The Influence of Other Personality Traits
It would be wrong to peg Emily’s vulnerability to burnout, career regret, and the sunk cost fallacy solely on her Turbulent personality trait, or even on her personality in general. It’s worth acknowledging that there are a lot of multilayered factors at work here: her financial situation, the very real obstacles to obtaining an advanced degree, family dynamics, and complex social expectations, to name just a few. But our personality traits influence how we handle these outside forces, and that is what makes them worthy of exploration.
As a Turbulent Advocate, Emily has the perfect combination of personality factors to make the sunk cost fallacy particularly challenging.
As an Introvert, she’s much more likely to have a stronger sense of hesitancy or fear to try new things or step outside of her comfort zone, especially when it comes to work. Introverted personalities are more inclined to think about worst-case scenarios and are more likely to be pessimistic about the potential outcomes of decisions that they deem risky.
They are also more likely to focus on their regrets in life, something that personality types with the Intuitive and Feeling traits are also more prone to doing. Intuitive personalities are known for their vivid imagination, so they may find themselves pondering the what-ifs of their past, present, and future.
Feeling types are also more susceptible to fear, something that’s accentuated by both the Introverted and Turbulent personality traits. These three traits, especially when they occur together, are helpful indicators of a person’s tendency to struggle with stress or to become overwhelmed or flustered.
And, like many Judging personality types, Emily has a very strong drive to follow through on her professional plans, many of which she committed to years ago. It’s normal for people with this trait to be laser-focused on their goals. For many Judging types, any intruding feelings of doubt may be interpreted as just another potential distraction from accomplishing what they set out to do.
I think it’s worth noting that all personality types, even Assertive Entrepreneurs (ESTP-A), may struggle with feelings of burnout and regret. Our personality traits manifest on a spectrum, remember, so someone who tests as 55% Extraverted may still have some tendencies that are more typical of an Introvert. The same is true for each trait that I’ve just discussed.
Moving Beyond Burnout and Regret
“I regret the circumstances that led to me making the decision[s] that I did, but the decision[s] I made back then [have] permitted me to make better decisions now… I am so invested, and it sucks. But at the same time, because I am so invested, I also have the financial freedom of being able to…explore my other options, while still having that stable income from being a nurse. So while I don’t exactly like what I do, I am thankful for the education, because it’s a good foundation if I want to do something else.
“[I’m] trying to flex it into a different career, so I don’t waste all the money and investment… I’m looking for every single job in nursing that’s not actually nursing. Which, I think, speaks a lot to [my] commitment and the value that my education has.”
When I listened to Emily talk about her complicated feelings around her career and her future, what stuck out to me most was the sense of acceptance that she expressed about her situation and the circumstances that led her to it. Yes, she has her regrets, and yes, she has to actively deal with the very real stress and frustration of job burnout. But she never fails to express compassion and understanding for herself and the mistakes that she may have made in the past.
That’s because she’s come to a place where she can objectively analyze and accept her situation. In a practical sense, she’s learned helpful coping strategies for getting through each day and even appreciates the positive aspects of her career.
This objectivity, combined with intentional gratitude, has allowed her to reassess her situation and focus on a path for moving forward free from the dangers of the sunk cost fallacy. She’s been able to reframe and revalue her education and years of experience, which she no longer perceives as limiting factors but rather as the foundation for potential opportunities that she had never previously considered possible.
Acceptance, self-compassion, reframing, and setting new goals – these are the steps that have helped Emily move beyond career regret and find hope for a gratifying future.
Final Thoughts
“I’m starting to overcome this [lack of self-confidence] by watching [my husband], who’s in a field where overreaching is kind of expected. And he’s encouraging me to overreach from what I feel like I am qualified for. So I’ve been applying for a lot of jobs that I don’t feel qualified for and don’t have the self-confidence for – and [that I] am definitely terrified to apply for – but I’m doing it. It’s a big thing.”
With the invaluable support of her husband, Emily has been able to confront her limiting beliefs and challenge herself to stretch beyond her comfort zone. For a Constant Improver – someone with both the Introverted and Turbulent personality traits – this is anything but easy. But she’s doing it.
And that is what I think is central to avoiding the sunk cost fallacy when figuring out how to move forward in your professional life. By not letting fear, doubt, or a blind sense of commitment dominate the decision-making process, there is less risk in taking that next step in a career where burnout and regret are already issues. This reframing of your beliefs allows you to discover alternative paths that don’t require you to throw anything away or “waste” your education.
Overcoming burnout and moving past career regret boils down to a shift in mindset and the willingness to recognize and accept not only those past decisions that led you to where you are now but also those parts of your personality that have the potential to hold you back. As a Turbulent personality, Emily hasn’t found it easy to view her challenges as potential strengths or to turn her regrets into a positive force that propels her forward, but she’s come to realize something:
“What keeps you in a field – if you can overcome it – can also get you somewhere else.”
Further Reading
- Use our premium Job Burnout Test test to dig deeper into your own feelings of burnout and explore the specific aspects of your work that may be negatively impacting your well-being.
- Burnout: How to Tell You’re in the Wrong Job for Your Personality Type
- I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Satisfaction with Life by Personality Type
- For more on how to find and develop a career that’s a good fit for you, check out our premium Career Guide & Tests for your personality type.