Dealing With Difficult Personalities at Work: The Domineering Dictator

Have you ever worked with a personality type who is pushy and confrontational, regardless of their authority? I don’t mean just a bold nature. I’m talking about those rare few who take things way too far and seem to trample other people. I’m sure you have – don’t try to tell me otherwise. (They might sound something like that.)

You see, any personality type can have a dark side. Certain people express their personality traits in an extreme or objectionable way – not many, but a minority who stand out unpleasantly. And the stereotype of a domineering dictator can really get on your nerves at work, where you can’t just kick that person out of your life.

Today I’m going to talk about how this behavior might relate to personality type. I’ll also explore a few ways that you might be able to deal with these people – though it can be tough in the workplace. You can’t just shrink-wrap them to a desk chair. (Well, you could, but you’d probably have a little talk with HR afterward.)

Mostly, I just want you to feel like you’re not weird for noticing these people and wondering what the heck is going on. Even if they mean well or aren’t complete jerks in every way, people who are too aggressive can really mess up your workday.

Who Are These People?

There’s no personality type for bad behavior, and a domineering dictator is an example of someone operating outside the boundaries of healthy balance. Their personality traits may seem extreme or lopsided compared to most people, even of the same type. (I should note that sometimes concerning behaviors can relate to mental illness or personality disorders – things beyond the scope of what we cover at 16Personalities.)

The stereotype we’re talking about here typically acts in the following ways.

Highly Competitive

Whether they seem self-assured or insecure, they like to demonstrate – or explain – how they’re better than other people. This may take subtle forms or it may be overt, but it’s frequent and often stressful to be around.

Forceful

These folks tend to get in other people’s faces, totally comfortable with making others uncomfortable. Little stops them from asserting their opinions or criticizing others, as if merely doing so gives them satisfaction.

Power-Hungry

A domineering dictator likes to be more authoritarian than democratic and doesn’t see anything wrong with having or using their power over other people. They would much rather be the one giving orders.

Controlling

These characters enjoy influencing the actions of others and directing them as they see fit. It’s as if they think they always know the best way to do everything, and they put down any other ways of thinking.

Taken individually, these behaviors could surface in any personality type to some degree, although some associations are more likely than others. But when they’re strong and combined, these tendencies paint a somewhat narrower picture, albeit still of a minority who show “dark side” behavior. That’s our domineering dictator.

Personality Types Most at Risk

Based on our research, it seems that Extraversion and the Thinking trait relate to this stereotype somewhat more than other traits. Thus, Commander (ENTJ), Debater (ENTP), Executive (ESTJ), and Entrepreneur (ESTP) personalities are more likely than other types to slip into domineering dictator behavior. At least as far as group statistics go, the vast majority of individuals of these types are totally cool. So why might a few of them act up?

Extraversion is associated with willingly seeking out interaction with others and engaging in external activity in general. Extraverts don’t shy away from things, frequently expressing themselves outwardly in some energetic fashion. The Thinking trait is associated with decision-making and perception that relies far more on hard rationality than on empathy or emotion. Thinking personality types usually put less effort into being sensitive or caring.

For most people, these two traits combine nicely, producing motivated doers with strong technical or intellectual inclinations. But for a rare few, they get out of whack and pave the way for being dominating and harsh – exerting all that energy with minimal regard for others. There’s also another influence on how Extraverted, Thinking personality types might behave if they go over to this “dark side”: the Tactics personality aspect.

Debaters and Entrepreneurs are the two Extraverted personality types who possess the Thinking and Prospecting traits. If a domineering dictator belongs to either of these types, they’ll probably show a lot of combativeness and criticism, like argument for the sake of argument. They may simply get a thrill from beating other people, regardless of whether it accomplishes anything in particular. Their behavior may not even reflect any deeper purpose and may almost seem randomly rebellious.

This is because Prospecting personalities care less about order or consistency and are far more prone to changing direction. The reward they feel for their actions, good or bad, is a very immediate thing, and they may take an erratic trajectory as they follow their individual motivations. In the case of a domineering Debater or Entrepreneur, they may be joking with you one day and demeaning you the next. (Did I say day? I meant minute – or even doing both at the same time.)

Commanders and Executives, on the other hand, have the Judging personality trait mixed in with their Thinking trait and Extraversion. When a domineering dictator belongs to one of these types, they’ll probably be focused on compelling others into very specific actions or steamrolling them in order to accomplish their own goals. They may get harsh, but it’ll likely relate to some distinct conviction that they hold – woe unto anyone who disagrees.

You can thank the Judging trait for giving them a strong sense of how things should be. And when their methods and motivations are positive and kind, that’s a good thing. They can be bastions of willpower and determination. But if it leads to condescending, iron-fisted inflexibility, it can feel tyrannical. These kinds of domineering dictators are probably the hardest to bear, because they’re goal-oriented and stubborn – they stay on you.

Again, I’m only talking about a rare, negative archetype here, not Commanders, Debaters, Executives, and Entrepreneurs in general. These powerful, expressive people usually find ways to be themselves without being domineering dictators. But the few that cross into the dark side can be a real problem.

Yikes! What Can You Do?

Speaking to your manager or HR about any inappropriate workplace behavior is often a good option. Follow your in-house rules and procedures to get some help. But there may be some additional ways that you can deal with a domineering dictator.

I think the most important thing is how you handle yourself. Individuals who fit this stereotype breed stress and insecurity, and it’s very important that you understand that you aren’t responsible for their behavior. It may seem like you are, because you’re interacting with them and those interactions lead to unpleasant outcomes. But if you’re being reasonable and they’re not, that’s completely on them. Don’t blame yourself.

Here’s a quick drill to reassure you. Do you have decent working relationships with most of your coworkers? Are you respectful of others? Okay, then, you’re good. Keep it up.

I’ll be honest with you: dealing with a domineering dictator is exhausting. (Trust me, I know.) It’s tempting to just try to avoid these people, and if that works for you, that’s cool. But sometimes you can’t. There’s also a risk that, if left unchecked, a domineering dictator can turn into a full-blown bully, tyrannizing the workplace like Godzilla. So if you want to take a more active approach, I’ve got some ideas. (No, not high-tension power lines.)

The High Road

You can approach the situation with studious propriety. If the domineering dictator is a peer (or above you, but you have the support of those above them), you can start off by letting them know when they make you uncomfortable or when you think their behavior is inappropriate. Speak politely, keep your behavior by the book, and use your official channels as needed. Consider documenting everything, by the way, just in case things get weird.

This approach can protect you while also serving notice that you won’t tolerate being mistreated. And if you can keep your irritation at bay and act friendly and professional, all the better. Make it clear that it’s not personal and that you’d really like to have a productive working relationship. If you’re enthusiastic about interacting with them when they’re being decent, you’ll show that your objections aren’t personal.

This also lets them know that they have options besides their horrid ways. If they’re acting out, they may want something. Maybe it’s work-related, maybe it’s something to do with validating themselves – who knows? The point is, they have goals like everyone, and that might be okay – as long as they pursue them in respectful, appropriate ways. You can keep that door open even as you shut down all their other icky behavior.

When you take a route that’s beyond reproach, you’ll feel good about yourself, and it will reflect well on your character. That’s not a bad thing, at work or anywhere else.

If a domineering dictator is your boss, or if you don’t have reasonable support from management to deal with them, then you may have few options other than to exit the situation carefully.

My Road

I’m not saying you should take a low road, but I’m no angel, so I’ll confess some ways in which I’ve responded to a domineering dictator. I’ve only had to deal with this kind of person a couple of times, and I find that it’s a lot easier to push back when you’re needed and respected. So I did my best work and cultivated solid relationships with them, and then I used that footing as a platform to stand up to them.

I think domineering dictators treat people poorly because they don’t value them (or their feelings), and then they just get used to acting that way because they can. But once you are valued, it’s not so easy for them to get away with it – or to punish you for confronting them. Your worth, assuming that they recognize it (which is not always the case, unfortunately), gives you some power to be heard.

At a previous job many years ago, my hyperaggressive boss insinuated that I’d done something (serious) that I didn’t do. I guess he’d gotten used to everyone tolerating his behavior – but not that time. I shouted at him to apologize, or I would leave immediately and never come back. He yelled at me not to yell at him and then quickly apologized. I was too valuable to lose (I was his operations manager), so he backed down. Checkmate.

But, hey, I’m a Turbulent Architect (INTJ-T), and confrontation isn’t my thing. Sometimes it’s easier to just make it unpleasant for a domineering dictator to dominate you – or even be around you. I’ve been known to employ sarcasm, answer inappropriate comments or questions with unending questions of my own, and do other immature stuff too unseemly for print. Sorry, not sorry.

There are times when I think it’s okay to channel your inner Jim Halpert and wage subtle, asymmetric warfare on an intolerable domineering dictator. Just don’t take things too far, or I’ll have to write an article about your dark side.

Reflections

Dealing with difficult personalities at work has unique risks and pressures. It’s not always simple to stand up to a tyrant in the real world. Social stress at work can be distracting, and you probably don’t want things to devolve into interpersonal drama in the workplace. If you’re dealing with a domineering dictator, you have my sympathy. Sometimes, there’s only so much you can do.

But I’ll tell you what I see as an unfortunate truth. Aggressive, outgoing people, including domineering dictators, often go far. Their energy might outshine their negatives, and others may ignore or excuse their bad behavior because it’s too hard or risky to stop them. Some people just won’t take the risk. And in a professional context, there may be an underlying profit- or liability-driven motivation to ignore a problem employee.

Your sanity and sense of what’s right might demand that you stand up and fight back, but doing the wrong thing could easily cost you your job. Only you can decide how to handle a domineering dictator. My advice is to do what you can to free up energy to devote to positive, productive things in life. That might mean growing armor and ignoring the slings and arrows, or it might mean swinging your own sling and felling a giant. Be wise and careful, and good luck!

Do you have a domineering dictator story? Let us know in the comments below!