Different Ways to Say “I Love You”: Love Language and Personality Type

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
Morrie Schwartz, Tuesdays with Morrie

Some people wear their heart on their sleeve. When they love someone, that someone knows it.

These are people who dote on their romantic partners, are generous with their affection, and never hesitate to say “I love you.” They make their appreciation obvious through words and actions, leaving no doubt as to their devotion. For these personality types, expressing love comes naturally – it’s a fundamental part of their nature.

For others, well…you might need to read between the lines to find reassurance of their feelings. It’s not that they don’t feel love, it’s just not characteristic for some folks to express those feelings through physical displays of affection, let alone romantic words or lavish praise.

The theory that different people have different ways of communicating love is not new. The challenge is in learning to recognize our differences, appreciate them for what they are, and communicate more effectively by taking them into consideration.

Love makes the world go round, right?

We love our romantic partners, our children, our parents, and our pets, and many of us deeply love our friends. It can be argued that love is the vital undercurrent of our most important relationships.

Despite the undeniable influence of environmental, social, and cultural factors, personality type is an excellent predictor of how someone communicates love and appreciation. By analyzing the different personality traits, we can get a fairly reliable sense of how a person prefers to say, or show, “I love you.” At the same time, we can get a solid idea of how they prefer to hear that message from someone else.

How we receive love is just as important to understand as how we show it.

Taking the time to explore this aspect of your personality will help you more clearly understand your wants and needs when it comes to emotional expression in your closest relationships. It may also help you identify those modes of communication that might cause misunderstandings with your loved ones.

7 Ways to Say “I Love You”

After analyzing our research and carefully reviewing multiple surveys completed by 16Personalities members, we came up with a comprehensive list of ways that people show their love.

1. Thoughtful Actions

Some people feel most loved and appreciated when their partner steps in to help with practical matters, without being asked. For others, helping those they love is a heartfelt manifestation of their feelings. If they can be of service and lighten another’s load, it’s their pleasure to do so.

2. Economic Priority

Some personality types feel most seen, loved, and appreciated when their partner puts them on top of their economic priorities list. While this could be as simple as giving gifts, economic displays of love aren’t always superficial. For example, someone may offer financial support while a loved one pursues a life goal.

When a person shows their love this way, it is a source of great pleasure for them to prioritize and support their loved ones through economical means.

3. Recognition and Appreciation

When someone shows their love through recognition and appreciation, you can expect them to be generous with their compliments. It’s easy for them to say those magic words: “I love you.” They see what their loved ones do and are never shy to call attention to it in the most loving of ways.

For certain people, in order to know they are loved, it is fundamental that they feel seen and appreciated. When their efforts go unnoticed, it can be devastating.

4. Time and Attention

Many personality types feel most loved when they receive plenty of one-on-one time and focused attention. For others, there’s no need to say the words “I love you” when they can show it by prioritizing time to focus on the people they love.

5. Physical Closeness

Love can be expressed physically through a variety of ways: a hug, a soft caress, holding hands, or simply sitting in close proximity. In an intimate relationship, sex is often the epitome of love through physical expression.

The only bona fide way for some people to know they are loved is through physical closeness with their loved ones. For others, the easiest way to show their affection is through physical touch.

6. Psychological Support

Certain personality types are deeply connected with their emotions. When they feel psychologically supported and heard, and when they are given the freedom to fully express themselves, they know they are loved. At the same time, they find deep fulfillment and personal satisfaction expressing their love by emotionally supporting others.

7. Cerebral Stimulation

While some people are all about emotional support, others thrive on intellectual connection. They feel most loved when they know their minds are valued and appreciated. For these personality types, there is nothing quite like intensely engaging with the mind of another person.

If your loved one asks you probing questions and wants to know the ins and outs of your big ideas, they are showing their love through cerebral stimulation.

How Different Roles Express Their Love

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”
Ann Landers

So, how do different personalities prefer to express themselves when it comes to love?

As mentioned earlier, there are a myriad of factors that influence how a person expresses themselves outside the scope of their personality type. At the same time, certain personality traits play an undeniably strong role in how someone expresses their love and appreciation for other people.

Because there are 16 distinct personality types, we’re not going to go into each one in great detail in this article. Instead, we’re going to look at the similarities found within the groups of personality types that make up the four different Roles: Analysts, Diplomats, Sentinels, and Explorers.

Analysts: The Key to Their Heart Is in Their Mind

Analysts, with their shared Intuitive and Thinking traits, are highly rational people who don’t mind their alone time. Architects (INTJ), Logicians (INTP), Commanders (ENTJ), and Debaters (ENTP) certainly have their differences in personality. But one thing that they have in common is that they’re not particularly sophisticated when it comes to expressing subtle emotions. Don’t expect them to be overly showy when it comes to love and affection.

In general, Analysts have little need for traditional, ritual expressions of love. They aren’t big on giving gifts – even receiving them can be an uncomfortable experience. Hugging or other physical displays of affection are not exactly in the comfort zone for most of them.

Analysts are strongly intellectual. So, while each individual will vary, you can expect nearly every Analyst to really light up with vigorous cerebral stimulation. Showing their love through intellectual engagement, they connect with loved ones through lively discussions driven by genuine interest and curiosity.

Analysts want to be with people who fundamentally get them. So if you want an Analyst to know you love them, challenge that mind of theirs with some thought-provoking conversation. Throw in some recognition and appreciation for all that they do and are – especially the ways they challenge themselves – and you’ll surely work your way into their hearts.

Diplomats: See Them for Who They Are

Diplomat personality types, on the other hand, tend to be highly affectionate and expressive with their emotions – especially when that emotion is love. Defined by their shared Intuitive and Feeling traits, Advocates (INFJ), Mediators (INFP), Protagonists (ENFJ), and Campaigners (ENFP) intrinsically value personal connection and forge deep bonds with the people they love.

Diplomats show their love in a variety of ways – there’s no single “love language” that these personalities prefer. They help the people they love through thoughtful actions. If they are able to economically prioritize their loved ones, they do so with an open heart. They love giving gifts, even if there is no special occasion.

Seeking connection through mind, body, and soul, they value physical closeness and offering psychological support. They even love cerebral stimulation – nothing says “I love you” quite like discussing altruistic principles and deep-rooted ideals.

To let a Diplomat know you love them, start with recognition and appreciation. See what they do and who they are. Tell them just how much all their effort means to you. Reveal your affection through words, be generous with your time and attention, and offer plenty of psychological support.

Sentinels: It’s What They Do, Not What They Say

As a group, Sentinel personality types (who share the Observant and Judging traits) are practical traditionalists when it comes to showing love and affection.

Because they are “doers,” expect the Logisticians (ISTJ), Defenders (ISFJ), Executives (ESTJ), and Consuls (ESFJ) in your life to show their love through thoughtful actions of every kind. They are always looking to put their productive powers to good use.

Sentinels may not be prone to dramatic gestures of love, but you might be pleased by a thoughtfully selected gift on the appropriate holiday or a well-timed gesture of gratitude. Recognizing the importance of one-on-one time, they’ll gladly dedicate time and attention to loved ones.

If you want to tell a Sentinel “I love you,” start with recognition and appreciation. Make sure that they know you value their contributions. They thrive when they feel needed. While not exactly the most overtly sensitive group of personality types, Sentinels generally appreciate having their feelings recognized, and they value being seen.

Explorers: Hang On for the Ride

Virtuoso (ISTP), Adventurer (ISFP), Entrepreneur (ESTP), and Entertainer (ESFP) personality types are true pleasure-seekers in life, craving physical affection, novelty, and adventure.

When it comes to their love, Explorer types have a talent for making the object of their affection feel special. They’ll often dedicate undivided time and attention to the ones they love, giving that person economic priority when it comes to gifts or spontaneous adventures (even if they don’t have the means). They have a way of making a loved one feel special with words of recognition and appreciation.

Because they share the Observant and Prospecting traits, it’s hard to generalize Explorer personality types – especially when it comes to how they like to receive shows of love. So we’ll leave you with these simple words of advice: match their stride. Physical closeness, recognition and appreciation, and showing them economic priority all reach straight to their heart.

How Do You Prefer to Say “I Love You”?

Have you ever thought about the ways that you prefer to express your love? How about the ways that you like to be told “I love you”? Which love language resonates with you the most?

Let us know in the comments below.

And be sure to check out more articles in our ongoing series on love language and personality type: