Conversational distance (the space one needs to feel comfortable when talking to another person) varies widely from culture to culture and from circumstance to circumstance. People who are from more densely populated regions may be more used to speaking in crowded conditions, and they may carry this habit with them even in more spacious settings. Most people find that they need more personal space when speaking with strangers than they do with close friends or family members.
Even allowing for these differences, when it comes to speaking face-to-face, some people naturally require less personal space than others – a preference that may be related to differences in core personality traits.
We asked our readers whether they agreed or disagreed with the statement “You like to stand close to the person you are talking to.” According to the data below, there appears to be a wide disparity between some trait pairings. Which personality types are the most likely to be close talkers? Let’s have a look:
There was a sizable gap between Intuitive and Observant types (66% and 59% agreeing, respectively), while an even more striking difference was observed between Extraverts (74%) and Introverts (50%). Our findings are in line with a study done by J.L. Williams, which showed that Extraverts are more comfortable with physical closeness than Introverts[1].
We look into the question of personal space further, below:
Roles
Diplomats (69% agreeing)
Of the four roles, Diplomats were most likely to prefer standing close during a conversation. For Diplomats, the purpose of communication is to share common ground with one another, to create authentic connections between people. This figurative desire to bring people together may manifest as a tendency to literally reduce the space separating two people.
Turbulent Campaigners (ENFP-T) agreed with the statement more than anyone (80%). These outgoing soul-searchers crave understanding between people, and physical closeness is just one more way they can create and share that bond.
Analysts and Explorers (62% and 60%)
Analysts and Explorers were closely matched in their agreement to the statement “You like to stand close to the person you are talking to” (62% and 60% agreeing, respectively). Many Analysts see conversation as an intellectual battlefield, and may step closer to people as a way of asserting their point of view, even as they see similar behavior on the part of their conversational partner as an aggressive act. Among friends, this closeness may also reflect the status of confidant that any true friend of an Analyst holds.
The dynamic, ever-shifting nature of Explorers, for their part, may lead these personality types to create any amount of distance when engaged in conversation, depending on the circumstances. When Explorers engage something, they engage fully. A conversation isn’t just words: it’s laughter, touch, exclamations, feelings, and opportunities, all of which require different amounts of space.
Sentinels (58%)
Least likely to prefer standing close during a conversation were the Sentinels. The poet Robert Frost once wrote, “Good fences make good neighbors,” which Sentinels might wholeheartedly agree with. After all, for these personality types (though they may never put it this way themselves), society’s primary function is the erection of barriers between people – rules, laws, and cultural norms that allow us to deal with one another in harmony by prescribing limits of acceptable behavior. For a Sentinel, standing apart from the person they are talking to may be a sign of respect for another’s personal space, while standing too close may be seen as an invasion.
Strategies
Social Engagement and People Mastery (76% and 72% agreeing, respectively)
Social Engagement and People Mastery, the two Extraverted Strategies, were also the two most likely to agree with the statement “You like to stand close to the person you are talking to.” By a significant margin, the Mind aspect appears to be the most important determinant of a person’s conversational space preferences. The overwhelming majority of Extraverts prefer closeness – fully 74%. This preference is an unsurprising result, given the charge that Extraverts receive from proximity to other people.
Constant Improvement and Confident Individualism (52% and 47%)
Only about half of respondents with the Constant Improvement and Confident Individualism Strategies reported liking physical closeness when talking. As Introverts, these Strategies may feel that the intensity of other people can be mitigated somewhat by keeping their distance, and they may even feel particularly violated when their personal space is encroached upon.
Only 38% of Assertive Logisticians (ISTJ-A) (and 39% of the Turbulent variant) agreed with the statement, the least of any personality type. People of function, Logisticians may reason that they can hear just fine from back here, thank you very much, and that there’s really no point in being able to smell each others’ breath.
Conclusions
Communication is often a complex series of negotiations, and conversational space is no exception. Depending on the person, a few centimeters may cause an undefinable (but undeniable) sense of offense, or it can instill a deep and abiding feeling of trust. Leaning your head on a friend’s shoulder when talking about why you’re sad can be a tremendous comfort, but it’s a comfort you may not want to share with your boss.
Those who believe that intimacy is a necessary precondition for good communication (like Diplomat personality types) may feel that someone who backs away from their approach is too guarded or mistrustful, and that their fear of revealing too much may even be a sign of duplicity. By the same token, some more gregarious Extraverts may find it difficult to relate to someone who is “standoffish.”
Then there are those personalities, like Sentinels, who may feel that mutual respect for boundaries is crucial for communication, and see any attempt to come too close as a breach of this unwritten rule of formality. Introverts, similarly, may warm more quickly to someone who gives them room to breathe than someone who exerts undue familiarity.
What about you? Why do you prefer to be close or far? Start the conversation, in the comments below!