Emotional Intelligence and Personality Types: What’s Missing?

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

You’ve probably heard of emotional intelligence, possibly in a discussion of how personality types behave. Emotional intelligence (EI or EQ) describes our capacity to recognize, understand, and navigate both our own emotions and those of others. But some aspects of emotional intelligence get lots of attention while others are widely ignored. That’s a problem. Let me explain, beginning with some background on the world of emotional intelligence theory itself.

The ability model views emotional intelligence as a set of cognitive abilities: perceiving emotions accurately, using emotions to facilitate thinking, understanding emotional meanings, and managing emotions effectively. This theory says that emotional intelligence operates like traditional intelligence, representing a mental ability rather than just personality traits.

The trait model, on the other hand, suggests that emotional intelligence relates more closely to personality traits than cognitive abilities. This model examines how individuals view their emotional capabilities, including their confidence in how they understand and manage emotions and maintain relationships, as well as their self-perceived emotional competencies. This approach recognizes that our self-perception significantly influences how we interact with the world.

The mixed model combines elements of both ability and trait approaches, identifying five key components: self-awareness (knowing one’s emotions), self-regulation (managing emotions), motivation (using emotions to achieve goals), empathy (recognizing others’ emotions), and social skills (managing relationships). This model seems to be the standard for most personal and professional development materials.

All these theories of emotional intelligence share common threads and recognize both internal and external aspects – how we process our own emotions and interact with others’ emotions. They all acknowledge that emotional intelligence encompasses both perception and action. But many people ignore some of the most important implications and opportunities that these theories present.

Curious how you score on Emotional Intelligence and 11 other influential traits? Get your Premium Report.

What Many People Ignore About Emotional Intelligence

In popular culture, emotional intelligence theory is often distilled down to being aware of feelings and using that awareness to create positive social interactions and relationships. Many common EI practices emphasize being more empathetic and understanding toward behaviors that, historically, have often been seen as weaknesses (fear or grief, for example) but that are, in fact, simply normal aspects of having a limbic system.

That emotionality-focused side of emotional intelligence theory is very important. Dismissing or stigmatizing emotional realities tends to create problems everywhere from the workplace to personal relationships. Consciously understanding, expressing, and accommodating emotions are very beneficial practices in any context. But there’s more to emotional intelligence than emotionality. Emotional intelligence theories also highlight the importance of emotional self-regulation – consciously recognizing and controlling how emotions affect your perceptions and decisions.

Most of us are far more autonomic than we realize. Often, our rational thoughts are more like surface processes engaged to explain or justify what we feel on a deeper, gut level. That tends to preserve the status quo of who we are. Natural emotional mechanics can cause us to repeat behavioral patterns, including limited, unproductive, or even destructive ones. Such habits may cause us to miss out on opportunities to discover new aspects of ourselves and what we’re capable of.

That’s why emotional regulation is such an important aspect of emotional intelligence. It’s fair to say that gaining greater control over how emotions influence our own perceptions, decision-making, and behavior is a critical part of personal growth. So why does it seem like the focus of emotional intelligence in popular culture is so heavily canted toward essentially being more emotional?

Why Many People’s Views of Emotional Intelligence Favor Emotionality

One possible reason why many people’s views of emotional intelligence tend to focus on enhanced emotionality is that it can be very rewarding. Practicing emotional awareness and empathy typically improves social experiences and outcomes, facilitating making friends, having fun, and being liked, all of which satisfy our deep-seated human need to belong. There’s a moral reward as well. Working to understand other people’s feelings is often regarded – rightly so – as virtuous. It’s a form of respect that feels good to give to others. But the benefits of the emotional side of EI don’t end with being considerate of others.

Working to understand one’s own feelings can bring about a profound sense of inner harmony and strength. Appropriately expressing our emotions can create a sense of authenticity that refutes our inner anxieties as well as a sense of freedom that defies external limits. Practicing such aspects of emotional intelligence can lead to increased self-worth and social confidence. So, yes, the side of EI theory that enhances emotionality has powerful rewards baked in – possibly more so than the side that calls for emotional regulation. The former may feel like it calls you to be more of your “good self,” and the latter, to be less of your “bad self.”

In truth, regulating your emotions isn’t necessarily easy or enjoyable, even if you understand them. Consider the inner decision-making dialogue that most people experience between their own voices of rationality and desire. That argument can feel like one between permission and restriction, and practicing emotional regulation in the form of self-control can be both challenging and tiring. We all yearn to give in to our emotionally-driven impulses, habits, and desires at times, even if it’s not always good for us.

For example, consider the following common yet significant scenarios:

Purchasing a car: The practices of most car dealers verge on predatory, and their sales methods use established psychology to leverage your emotions against your financial interests. Without enough emotional awareness and control, you may (willingly) sign an unfavorable contract.
Dating: Basic human needs coupled with emotional decision-making often result in questionable partner selection and harmful romantic relationships. What attracts you may not be healthy or sustainable for you, and without enough emotional regulation, your heart can lead you astray.
Partying: Social recreation without adequate emotional regulation can lead to major problems, even if it’s fun and satisfying in the moment. Unrestrained indulgence can seriously jeopardize your health, especially if it’s used to avoid dealing with deeper emotional issues.
Life progress: The perfectly natural emotional desire to avoid stress, risk, and difficulty often interferes with personal and professional achievement. Failure to regulate the emotions fueling avoidant habits can prevent you from exploring your most fulfilling potential.

These are just a few areas where emotional self-regulation can be extremely beneficial yet very difficult. Self-control can save you from harm and pave the way to profound benefits – but it isn’t likely to provide the emotional rewards of other aspects of EI. Perhaps that’s why these distinct aspects of emotional intelligence are prioritized so differently in popular culture, even if they’re of equal importance. Of course, personality type also plays a part.

Different Personality Types Have Different Emotional Intelligence Blind Spots

Personality types with the Thinking (T) trait often pride themselves on their logical decision-making, believing that they maintain an objective perspective that’s free from emotional interference. This self-perception, however, frequently masks a deeper reality: that their emotions drive many of their decisions while their rational minds simply justify these choices. (That’s normal human behavior, by the way, not a criticism.) However, the illusion of pure rationality can make Thinking personalities unwittingly susceptible to emotional influence and bias, as they may fail to recognize and, therefore, regulate how emotional currents affect their judgment.

In contrast, personalities with the Feeling (F) trait tend to be more attuned to and accepting of their emotions, but they may struggle with regulating them. Emotionality may be so integrated with their conscious thought that they have difficulty establishing boundaries or implementing systematic approaches to emotional management, even when they recognize the need to. This can make them overly vulnerable to emotional influence and bias, as their preference for processing information through emotional filters can distort their perceptions.

The interaction between personality type and emotional regulation reveals how different people may fail to regulate properly for entirely different reasons. Thinking types might maintain rigid control over visible emotional expression while being unaware of how hidden emotional drivers influence their thoughts and decisions. Feeling types might excel at emotional awareness and expression but struggle to establish the emotional control that’s necessary for objective perception and balanced choices. Both patterns demonstrate how personality-based preferences can create challenges in developing complete emotional intelligence – and wise, beneficial decision-making habits.

How Different Personality Types Benefit from Increased Emotional Regulation

For Thinking personality types, the journey toward greater emotional regulation often begins with the surprising discovery of their emotional blind spots. When these personalities learn to recognize how emotions shape their behavior, they can develop a more nuanced and effective approach to their beloved rationality. This awareness allows them to harness both emotional insight and rational analysis, leading to more balanced and ultimately more successful decision-making. The process of uncovering and acknowledging their emotional drivers also often leads to greater authenticity and deeper connections with others, even while maintaining their natural analytical strengths and logical personality style.

Feeling personality types can benefit enormously from developing structured approaches to emotional regulation that moderate their natural emotionality. Learning systematic methods for processing and managing emotions can help these personalities maintain healthy boundaries and self-control while still engaging empathetically with others. Their natural emotional awareness becomes even more valuable when it’s paired with practical regulation strategies, allowing them to navigate complex emotional situations more effectively. This combination of emotional awareness and structured regulation can help Feeling types enhance their perceptions and decisions with greater objectivity while still maintaining their own essential nature.

Both personality groups can achieve greater success and satisfaction by developing their emotional intelligence in ways that complement their natural tendencies. The best outcomes occur when solid emotional self-awareness leads to decision-making that consciously integrates and balances emotion, objective rationality, desire, and self-control. Emotional regulation doesn’t mean choking off the flow of emotion – it means harnessing it in healthy, beneficial ways. And likewise, truly rational decision-making doesn’t disregard emotion. It includes it as part of a greater calculation that recognizes how emotion can influence one’s own perception of otherwise incontrovertible facts and reality.

Conclusion: Taking the Next Step on Your Emotional Intelligence Journey

Could increased emotional self-awareness and self-regulation make your life better? Almost certainly so. You’re on the journey of building greater and more balanced emotional intelligence regardless of whether you intend to be, because that’s a natural part of maturing and acquiring wisdom through experience. So why not embrace that growth fully and explore your own emotional intelligence potential now? There’s no question that emotional self-regulation dramatically benefits you, helping you avoid harmful, mistaken decisions and unnecessary stress and worry. The earlier in life you can develop advanced emotional intelligence, the better your life will be.

And we stand ready to help. The next step in your emotional intelligence journey is a more nuanced and prescriptive stage that takes your personality type into account. Check out more articles in our series on how different personality types can strengthen their emotional intelligence:

INFJ Emotional Regulation: Mastering the Other Side of Emotional Intelligence