Exploring the Conversations We Have with Ourselves: How Self-Talk Impacts Us

Have you ever had a silent conversation…with yourself? Well, you’re not alone! In fact, according to our “Inner Voice” survey, 97% of us have an inner voice and experience self-talk.

Self-talk is often described as an internal conversation, but it can also resemble a continuous narrator’s voice or a monologue. However you experience it, it impacts how you think, feel, and behave. Utilized positively, this voice can support decision-making, information processing, and personal growth. If disregarded or paid too much attention, however, it has the potential to wreak havoc by becoming overly negative, fueling self-defeating thoughts that hinder self-development and undermine self-esteem. The way that you interact with your self-talk when you experience it is vital for your mental well-being.

It’s a tightrope to balance: listen to that inner voice and don’t ignore it – but also don’t listen to it too carefully. Knowledge is power. Therefore, in this article, we will explore the various types of self-talk to give you a better understanding of it. Due to its profound impact on your well-being, we will explore negative self-talk in more detail. By gaining insight into the specific type of (negative) self-talk that you engage in the most and how it relates to your personality Role, you can start creating awareness of its presence in your life. This awareness will ultimately allow you to challenge and reframe these thoughts.

Types of Self-Talk

Self-talk can be placed into various categories, including positive, instructional, motivational, and negative. Understanding the differences between these types and being able to choose the most appropriate one at the right time can make a significant difference in your ability to thrive. Therefore, we will focus on the four common forms of self-talk that people tend to engage in regularly. In reality, life hardly fits into one neat category or another, and overlap is inevitable. However, understanding these main forms of self-talk can help you become more aware of your internal dialogue and how it impacts your feelings and behaviors.

Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk focuses on promoting positive thinking and beliefs and consists of encouraging, uplifting thoughts. Positive self-talk boosts self-compassion, self-acceptance, and self-esteem: “I’m really proud of how hard I’ve worked and how far I’ve come.” By recognizing strengths, affirming positive qualities and abilities, and cultivating a growth mindset, positive self-talk gives you the base to build strong pillars of self-esteem and confidence.

Instructional Self-Talk

If you give yourself specific instructions or cues to guide your behavior or actions, you are practicing instructional self-talk. The purpose of this type of self-talk is to enhance focus, regulate emotions, and improve performance. You use it, for example, when you are trying to learn a new skill and are talking yourself through the task: “Focus on your breathing, stay calm, and try again.”

Motivational Self-Talk

Motivational self-talk is a supercharged version of positive self-talk with a specific goal: to psych yourself up for something challenging. It serves as your personal cheerleader, so to speak. It encourages you to increase your efforts, boosts your confidence more than mere positive self-talk, and inspires you to give it your best shot: “I can do this. I CAN DO THIS! Let’s gooooo!!”

Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk, on the other hand, includes critical and self-deprecating thoughts, such as, “I’m such a tool – I’ll never get it right.” It often includes self-blame, doubt, and negative evaluations, and it can undermine confidence, increase anxiety and stress levels, fuel anger, and leave you feeling fearful and worried.

Understanding Negative Self-Talk

It seems easy to make a case for why you engage in positive, instructional, or motivational self-talk. These types of self-talk help you grow, step out of your comfort zone, and try your best. But what could possibly be the benefit of having that negative voice whisper, “You are not good enough”?

The execution might not be perfect, but the intention of that voice is to protect you, alert you to potential risks, and help you avoid mistakes. By highlighting weaknesses, it thinks that it is encouraging you to take extra precautions or evaluate situations more critically, so that you don’t just jump in without testing the waters and get yourself in trouble as a result.

For some personalities, negative self-talk can work as a motivational catalyst, as they are eager to prove the negative whispers wrong. They will work harder and try again to get it right next time.

Furthermore, negative emotions need an outlet. You know what happens when you allow steam to build up without any venting? An explosion. Similarly, negative thoughts require an outlet as a way to release the accompanying emotions. By acknowledging your frustrations, disappointments, and losses, you grant yourself a release for those charged emotions, and you allow yourself to move forward with a blank slate.

Theory versus Reality

Theoretically, the benefits of negative self-talk hold water. The problem is that you might start believing those destructive thoughts if you repeat them too many times. These thoughts can then become ingrained in your perception of yourself. This can be a slow process that you are not even aware of. By creating a more negative perception of yourself, it becomes easier to engage in negative thoughts and accept them without question. This creates a cycle of negativity that hinders both your personal development and your enjoyment of life. To break this cycle, you must make sure that you don’t get sucked into it on autopilot. One way to achieve this is by becoming aware of your thoughts. If you can name something, you can tame it.

Common Types of Negative Self-Talk

To identify and name your negative thoughts, we’ll look to the field of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which has categorized the most common types of negative self-talk. Understanding these can provide you with the tools that you need to consciously reshape the conversations in your head.

Catastrophizing: Assuming that when one thing goes wrong, everything goes wrong. Your mind jumps to conclusions when you catastrophize. Not only do you assume the worst possible outcome of a what-if scenario but you also tend to exaggerate the result. A double whammy.
Filtering: Remembering the one thing that went awry while you forget the 10 other good things that happened. When you filter thoughts in this way, you discount the positive and selectively focus on only the negative.
Personalizing: Making external events a direct reflection of you and your perceived personality flaws. When bad things happen, you find a way to attribute the blame to yourself, even when you are not responsible.
All-or-nothing thinking: Seeing things either as 100% good or 100% bad. There is just black and white with no shades of gray – or any other color, for that matter. This type of thinking does not allow for nuance or compromise.
Rehashing: Dwelling on the past in a negative and unproductive manner, leaving you unable to move on from it. It’s possible to get stuck in “I should have…” or “If only…” thinking without the impulse to use this information for different actions in the future.
Rehearsing: Practicing for a future situation in an unproductive and almost obsessive manner. The focus with this type of rehearsing is on perfection and predicting every possible outcome. Excessive rehearsal can result in anxiety, worry, stress, and feeling overwhelmed, especially when an unexpected event occurs, allowing self-doubt to creep in.
Emotional reasoning: Assuming that negative feelings are an accurate representation of the truth: “Since I felt embarrassed, the only logical conclusion is that I was acting in an embarrassing manner.” While it is recommended that you listen to your emotions, it is wise to remember that while you have emotions, you are not your emotions.

How the Different Roles Engage in Self-Talk

While almost everyone hears their inner voice talking to them throughout the day, not all personalities experience it the same way. Additionally, the whispers that you hear won’t be the same every moment of the day. When you are focused on perfecting the recipe that you want to impress your date with, your instructional self-talk might guide you through the steps. However, when you open the oven and find your pie completely burned and ready to be thrown away, the volume of your negative self-talk might reach its maximum. On the other hand, for someone else, a ruined pie might offer a chance for motivational self-talk to emerge: “You learned something new – you’ll do better next time!”

While you are not locked into one type of self-talk, people with the Introverted, Intuitive, and Turbulent personality traits are more prone to negative self-talk. According to our “Thought Patterns” survey, people with a Turbulent Identity are much more likely to report that they often get stuck in negative thoughts (82% agreeing), especially compared to those with an Assertive Identity (44% agreeing).

Let’s take a look at each of the different personality Roles and see what shows up when it comes to their self-talk.

Analysts

Analyst personality types: Architects (INTJ), Logicians (INTP), Commanders (ENTJ), Debaters (ENTP)

Analysts are known to welcome rationality and impartiality into their lives, and with their focus on problem-solving, it makes sense to assume that their internal dialogue centers on instructional self-talk. However, they may also engage in some critical self-evaluation, questioning why they are not reaching their own high standards. Of all the personality Roles, Analysts have the highest tendency to focus on the negative and discount the positive. While they strive for impartiality across the board, they have a harder time achieving it when it comes to their own self-talk.

Diplomats

Diplomat personality types: Advocates (INFJ), Mediators (INFP), Protagonists (ENFJ), Campaigners (ENFP)

Thoughtful and empathetic Diplomats often prioritize being kind to others. Yet they do not always extend that kindness to themselves. When asked about forgiveness, Diplomat personalities say they find it easy to extend it to others but struggle to grant it to themselves, according to our “Forgiveness” survey. On top of that, due to their amazingly creative minds, they have no problem creating a myriad of what-if scenarios. Combine these two tendencies, and Diplomats can fall into a downward spiral of dwelling on past situations and getting stuck in the what-if loop with harsh words toward themselves.

Sentinels

Sentinel personality types: Logisticians (ISTJ), Defenders (ISFJ), Executives (ESTJ), Consuls (ESFJ)

Sentinels, in their orderly and pragmatic manner, don’t have a lot of patience for negative self-talk. They’re the least likely of all personality types to report that they often get stuck in a negative loop. That is not to say that Sentinels never fall into the grip of negative self-talk, however, and when they do, they most often fall into the trap of black-and-white thinking, according to our “Thought Patterns” survey.

This thinking in absolutes and their preference for operating within a clear set of rules might cloud the full picture for Sentinels, as they only consider the black-and-white image within the frame and forget about the full spectrum of colors that make up the rest of the painting.

Explorers

Explorer personality types: Virtuosos (ISTP), Adventurers (ISFP), Entrepreneurs (ESTP), Entertainers (ESFP)

Explorers are spontaneous individuals who seek excitement and novelty. They approach these new experiences and can adapt to new situations with relative ease. One of the reasons for their flexibility is that they enjoy the present moment. They tend to not get swept away by their thoughts, whether they’re focused on dwelling on the past or predicting the future. Based on our “Inner Voice” survey, while the majority of Explorers report having an inner voice, they hear it the least often of all personality Roles. And when they do hear it, they feel pretty neutral about it and don’t trust it as much as other Roles do – maybe that’s why they pay the least attention to it. For Explorers, the challenge seems to be tapping into the power that self-talk can offer and connecting their heart with their head.

What Does Your Inner Voice Say?

It is important to remember that, within the same Roles or even personality types, individuals differ in how they experience self-talk. Self-talk is a powerful tool that influences your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It’s up to you to decide whether you use that tool to your benefit or not.

Your inner voice can support personal growth, increase self-confidence, and solidify self-esteem. Positive self-talk and motivational self-talk can encourage you to step outside your comfort zone, while instructional self-talk guides you through new situations and tasks with focus. And while negative self-talk is intended to protect you, it can create a vicious cycle of negativity if not kept in check. The first step to doing that is to recognize it in the moment, which is why we explored the most common types of negative self-talk. When you gain an understanding of how you talk to yourself, you can start working on challenging and reframing your self-talk in such a way that it benefits your mental well-being.

To harness the power of self-talk, it’s important to listen to your inner voice, identify the types of self-talk that you engage in most frequently, and examine how negative self-talk shows up for you. Take a moment to listen to your inner voice. What is it telling you, and how? Let us know in the comments below.