There seems to be a never-ending supply of stressors in life. While they can indeed get to any Defender (ISFJ), as a Turbulent Defender, I’ve found myself particularly susceptible. And I’m not alone – just 33% of Turbulent Defenders say they effectively manage stress in their lives, compared to 76% of Assertive Defenders.
My Turbulent trait means that I find it harder to let go of things that I can’t control and tend to anticipate problems before they arise, both of which can lead to overthinking and stress. Furthermore, I’m strongly driven by success, and if I’m not careful, I can focus too heavily on what I haven’t achieved, losing sight of what I have.
Some days, when stress is piling up, it feels all too tempting to get back under the covers of my bed rather than face the day. But that wouldn’t make me a very productive member of society, would it? So, over the years, I’ve developed stress-management strategies to help me cope. I would love to share them with you today.
Here are seven techniques that I use to tackle stress as a Defender. I hope that you find them just as useful.
1. Keep a Journal
Often, I have too many thoughts floating around in my head. Sometimes the thoughts themselves are stressful, while other times it’s the act of trying to remember everything that’s weighing me down.
It’s times like these when I find journaling therapeutic. Journaling is similar to talking about an issue with a good friend or family member, but better. Your journal will never say the wrong thing, patronize you, try to use logic to talk you out of your feelings, or give you a vague, meaningless sentiment like, “It will get better.” (Okay, but when will it get better? Exactly how will it get better? Please lay out the exact action steps that I must take for it to get better.)
Writing my worries down helps me examine them, perhaps getting to that point where I can shift my perspective and think about them differently. It also helps me let them go. Since I’ve written them down, I no longer need to hold on to them mentally. They exist in some form beyond thought, and I can come back and reference them later if I need to.
2. Start Meditating
When my stress comes from environmental overstimulation, I often turn to meditation as a way to recenter and find calm. For example, there’s a lot going on in the world right now. Maintaining a daily meditation practice has helped me let go of the negative stories that I see in the news.
Meditation is perfect for when everything feels like too much. It’s like hitting the pause button on your emotions. I’m not ignoring my stress, but I no longer have to give into it. Instead, I can take a little break from it and focus on my body and breathing rather than the many thoughts competing for attention.
Pro tip: If you have a lot on your mind, try journaling before meditating. If you’re anything like me, getting it all down on paper first will help you let go of these thoughts during meditation.
3. Write a To-Do List
As you probably know, it’s far too easy for Defenders to overload themselves due to an aversion to saying no. When my stress is the result of too many unfinished tasks on my plate, I find that writing a to-do list makes me feel better for three reasons.
First, I can see everything that I need to do, make a plan accordingly, and cross things off my list one by one. I’m less overwhelmed because I no longer need to focus on everything – I just need to worry about the next item on my list.
Second, everything is broken down into manageable pieces and prioritized from top to bottom, so all I have to do is follow the sequence to solve my problem.
Lastly, once I have tasks written down, they no longer take up any mental real estate. I don’t need to worry about remembering them. I can let them go and focus on doing the actual work with a clear mind.
4. Get Outside of Your Head
When things aren’t going the way that I want them to, or I’m dealing with unexpected changes that are causing stress, I tend to get stuck in those emotions. I let stress, anxiety, or fear weigh on me heavily and dictate my day.
In those moments, I find doing something to get outside of my head helpful, even if I have to force myself to do it. That could look like going for a walk with my dog and getting out in the sunshine. Or maybe it’s reading a good fantasy novel or watching a funny movie and getting lost in another world for a few hours. Exercise helps too. My favorites are weight training or an outdoor bike ride.
Whatever activity I pick, it’s something completely unrelated to the cause of my stress. Afterward, I can tackle the problem that was causing me stress with a lighter mind, and it never looks quite as bad.
An important note: This method will not work if the cause of my stress is an overloaded to-do list. On the contrary, it will bring about more stress because I’m procrastinating. The best way (for me) to tackle that type of stress is by sitting down and doing the work, crossing items off my list one by one. In these instances, I can breathe easier with each hour of work, knowing that I’m accomplishing what needs to be done.
5. Get Informed
If I’m feeling stressed because I’m about to do something new that I’ve never done before, then doing everything I can to prepare beforehand helps me relax. That could be reading a book on the topic, talking to people who’ve done the thing already, or looking up blog posts or courses.
For example, in university I got stressed out over looming end-of-year exams. To ease that stress, I developed extensive study schedules that spanned over six weeks. I would read my notes repeatedly, filling my head with everything there was to know about the topic. By the time the exam came around, my stress levels were low because I knew I had done everything possible to prepare. I could breathe easy while my peers pulled all-nighters, frantically trying to force their stress-addled brains to memorize the material one week out from the exam.
Bottom line: If stress stems from the unknown, pouring everything I’ve got into becoming more informed about that topic makes me feel better.
6. Shift Your Perspective
I’ve found practicing gratitude to be very effective at combating stress. I think it’s because getting into a state of gratitude helps me shift my thoughts away from what’s causing me stress and toward everything that I have to be thankful for.
For example, let’s say I’m stressed about a small thing, like getting dinner on the table in time for a small gathering that I’m hosting. I can switch to being thankful that I have food to fill my belly and a few good friends to enjoy it with.
It works for the big things too. When I’m stressed about money, health, or relationships (life’s “big three” areas), gratitude can help pull me into a new state of mind and focus on what I do have rather than what I don’t.
7. Play the “Worst-Case Scenario” Game
This one might sound counterintuitive. You may be wondering, “How will thinking about negatives help me reduce stress?” Stay with me. I promise that I’m not pulling your leg here.
I found this technique by watching the TV show This Is Us. In one episode, two brothers are searching for their sister after she fails to show up at the altar on her wedding day. Emotions are high, so to calm down, the brothers play a little game called worst-case scenario, where they share the worst things on their minds.
I took this lesson from the show and applied it to my own life. For example, I recently put an offer on a house with nine competing offers. I was stressed about the outcome, worrying about whether or not I would get the house, so I played the worst-case scenario game. I decided that the worst-case scenario was that the sellers wouldn’t accept my offer and I’d lose the house. Yes, that would make me sad, but it wasn’t awful. I still had a safe, clean place to live, even if I didn’t win the bid.
This game allows me to get my fears out there, no matter how irrational, and then provides reassurance that – no matter what – things aren’t as bad as they could be. In a backward sort of way, it helps me feel calmer in stressful situations. Perhaps you’ll find it equally helpful.
Bottom Line: Stress Happens. Embrace It
I’ve gradually developed these techniques over a lifetime of dealing with stressors both big and small. When I was younger, I resented my susceptibility to stress, wishing on shooting stars for a more unflappable nature.
But with age comes wisdom, and I’ve since started viewing my Turbulent trait – and the susceptibility to stress that it affords – in a more favorable light.
By tackling my stress, I refuse to let it win. Yes, stress has driven me to stay in bed, but facing it head-on has also inspired me to pull back the covers and embrace the day. I’ve achieved my big goals in life, not despite my susceptibility to stress but because of it. It’s been the catalyst that has driven me forward. And managing my stress has only helped me achieve more.
What will these stress-management techniques help you achieve? Feel free to tell us about it in the comments.