Envy may be a common feeling, but it’s not one that most people are taught to be proud of. After all, it is one of the seven deadly sins. And even though envy was first considered to be sinful some, oh, 1,400 years ago, it’s still not typically embraced in society today.
Part of the reason for this might be due to a misunderstanding of what envy actually is. In many cases, people use the words envy and jealousy interchangeably, though their meanings are slightly different. Envy is the experience of wanting what someone else has or wishing to be in their position. It’s usually focused on a desirable object rather than the person who has that object, and it can feel like a combination of both admiration and dissatisfaction.
Jealousy, on the other hand, is typically directed at another person. Jealousy often goes hand in hand with resentment and hostility, and it can be triggered by a perceived threat. That’s why jealousy sometimes rears its ugly head in romantic relationships, where there might be insecurities surrounding infidelity.
Envy may, like jealousy, show up in romance at times, but it can appear in numerous other situations too. For example, learning that a friend bought a new car or watching the success of a famous athlete could prompt envy. According to our “Jealousy and Envy” survey, most personalities envy other people’s personal qualities or characteristics more than their achievements, wealth, or material possessions. And some personalities seem to experience envy more often than others do.
Green-Eyed Monsters
In our research, it’s clear that almost everyone feels envious sometimes – all 16 personalities are likely to notice that someone has something they want on at least a monthly basis. And given envy’s sour reputation, it’s no surprise that most personalities say they’re secretive about their envy. But the divide in responses between Assertive personalities and Turbulent personalities stands out. People with the Turbulent trait are almost twice as likely to say they notice on a weekly or daily basis that someone has something they want, compared to Assertive individuals. They’re also twice as likely to say they feel envious when their friends accomplish personal goals.
These differences make sense, given the qualities that set Turbulent and Assertive personalities apart. Turbulence is associated with perfectionism, self-doubt, and achievement. Assertiveness, on the other hand, indicates confidence and contentment with oneself. Because Turbulent personalities are oriented toward self-improvement, they may be quick to notice the discrepancy between what they have now and what they want to have. And when someone else has what they want, it may be hard for these personalities to remain unaffected.
This is especially true when they feel that someone has an unfair advantage. Turbulent types are much more likely than Assertive types to say they’re envious of people who “got lucky” with their circumstances in life. In this way, people with the Turbulent trait may sometimes fall victim to the belief that unfairness holds them back while it benefits others. Rather than rely on luck, Assertive individuals are slightly more likely to have an internal “locus of control,” believing that they govern their future, not the luck of the draw.
Not sure where your locus of control lies? Take our Locus of Control Test to find out.
Other personality traits tend to be correlated with envy at a similar rate and in similar ways. However, unsurprisingly, Introverted types tend to keep their envy to themselves more than Extraverted types, who might be more comfortable blurting out, “I’m so envious of you!” Additionally, Thinking personalities are notably more likely than Feeling personalities to be envious of someone else’s achievements, while Feeling types are the most likely group to be envious of another’s personal qualities.
Transforming Envy into Inspiration
For some personality types, envy isn’t just a feeling – it’s fuel for taking action. Most people don’t usually spring into action when they see that someone has what they want, but Social Engagers – that is, Turbulent Extraverts – are the most likely to say they do so. By contrast, Confident Individualists (Assertive Introverts) are less likely to act on their envy.
This difference may come down to how these traits influence the ways in which people interact with the world. Extraverts are more likely to be comfortable with experimentation and risk-taking, while Introverts tend to be a bit more reserved and take more time to make decisions. Personalities with the Turbulent trait are more likely to report feelings of disappointment in themselves, which could push them to take action to “fix” what they believe they’re lacking. Assertive types, on the other hand, are more self-contented and likely to believe that they’ll find success no matter what. This attitude may discourage these personalities from taking action, even when they do feel envious of others.
Acting out of envy might sound like a slippery slope, and in some cases, it could lead to jealousy, especially when actions taken don’t yield the same success that another person achieved. But taking action after feeling envious can also be one way to use envy as inspiration to uncover personal goals and needs. Those who choose to take action, rather than getting stuck in envy or dismissing the feeling altogether, might be one step closer to obtaining what they desire.
The Limits of Comparison
Envy is often sparked by social comparison – seeing that others have what we want. As we mentioned earlier, this can, in some cases, be useful. Noticing feelings of envy can expand our ideas of what is attainable and help us understand what we value. And when paired with practical action, the envy that results from comparing ourselves to others can drive us to pursue the things we want.
But there are some limits to social comparison. Firstly, and perhaps expectedly, comparing ourselves to other people doesn’t always feel so inspiring. Most personalities say that social comparison ignites negative feelings more often than positive ones. And the personalities who report comparing themselves to others most frequently – Turbulent types (who are also likely to report frequent bouts of envy) and Feeling types – are especially likely to say these comparisons elicit negative feelings. This could mean that finding the silver lining in envy is difficult for those who experience it the most.
Another issue with comparison and envy is that some people may make the mistake of comparing their progress to another person’s finish line without seeing the marathon that was required to get there. This is true for many personalities, though a slight majority of Assertive types say they tend to make comparisons to other people’s choices, not just the end result of those choices. By contrast, Turbulent types are more likely to compare themselves to other people’s outcomes, possibly ignoring the steps that it took to reach them.
Finally, social comparisons don’t really allow us to experience what the other person thinks or feels. Though a person’s life may appear enviable from the outside, it may not feel that way to the person who is actually living that life. When we try to replicate someone else’s circumstances, we might discover that the grass was never greener on the other side after all.
Conclusion: Deadly Sin or Valuable Tool?
Envy is a familiar feeling for most people, with some personalities experiencing it more often than others. And though it might be frowned upon by some people, this emotion can also be used as a tool to learn about important personal needs and desires. This can spark action that may not happen otherwise.
To start finding inspiration – not negativity – in envy, here are a few pointers to keep in mind:
- Some personalities may lose sight of their own abundance and completely focus on what other people have, especially at times when self-esteem wanes. Though it can be easier said than done, try flipping envy on its head by noticing the achievements or qualities that you already have that someone else might envy. A gratitude journal is a great way to start.
- The next time you catch yourself growing green with envy, stop and approach the feeling with curiosity. Ask yourself why you want what the other person has and what value lies behind this desire. Then, rather than committing yourself to recreating exactly what the other person has, think of alternative ways to honor that value.
- When envious of another person’s accomplishments, do some digging to find out the process required to accomplish such a feat. That way, you can take action to achieve similar success. You may realize at this point, however, that you no longer covet what you once envied, because the steps required to achieve it aren’t ones that you’d like to take.
Has envy ever motivated you in a positive way? How do you think your personality traits play a role? Share your experiences in the comments below.
Further Reading
- Learn how your experience of envy compares to others’ by taking our “Jealousy and Envy” survey.
- Romantic Jealousy by Personality Type
- Chasing the Elusive Perfect
- Reaching Across the Aisle
- Unplugged for 24 Hours: A Challenge to Get Offline