How to Be Respected: Harnessing Traditional Principles for Modern Success

Introduction: The Importance of Earning Respect

It’s undeniable that most people want respect. Most of our survey respondents say that being respected is very important to them. But how to be respected isn’t as clear. Less than half of survey respondents say the amount of respect that they get should be based on merit.

In societies where instant gratification reigns supreme and likes on social media are mistaken for genuine admiration, knowing how to earn respect is more difficult than ever before. For one thing, it’s easy to confuse being liked with being respected. Though both are valuable, that has created some questionable cultural priorities. Also problematic is that many people have fallen into the belief that equal respect should be bestowed upon everyone simply for existing. But that expectation not only robs people of the profound satisfaction that comes from earning respect through growth – it also ignores reality.

Whether we like it or not, the truth is that those who possess merit or status tend to be more respected. That’s only natural. It’s basic psychology that we subjectively differentiate among others, which includes assigning respect based on our perceptions, beliefs, and cultural programming. Ideology aside, we respect people to different degrees, based on what they do and how they are.

Perhaps there’s some fairness in that. People deserve to earn respect for their merits, especially when they’ve worked to grow and improve. It’s how a community encourages and affirms positive individual choices and effort. In some of the world’s more traditional societies, “how to be respected” is a question that people strive to answer through actions that are thoughtful, principled, and considerate. Respectability is celebrated with reverence. It’s not merely a social ideal – it’s an ancient currency. If approached with a modern sensibility, such traditional wisdom can be transformative in our individual lives and communities.

Western readers may be unfamiliar with just how deeply respect is woven into other cultures. For a glimpse, check out this thoughtful article.

However, the historical approach to respect is not perfect. One downside of it is that it can also fuel entitlement. Plenty of foul or vapid individuals have been respected simply because they’re rich, famous, old, or born into a certain family. Status and caste-based systems can lack moral justice, which partly gave rise to the well-intentioned modern idea that everyone deserves equal respect. Unfortunately, that idea is based on the same concept that fueled many historical injustices – that respect be divorced from merit.

This article is a wake-up call, a roadmap, and a revolution all rolled into one. Many forms of status may be beyond your control, like being wealthy or famous. That leaves the multifaceted world of merit as your path to earning deep and true respect. It’s a realm where your worth is measured not by your wealth, identity, age, or family name but by the content of your character and the impact of your actions. In this article, we’ll explore 10 areas that traditional cultures have historically associated with respect in order to help you develop and show your merits.

You may have noticed that we haven’t mentioned personality types yet, but don’t fret! This article forms a general groundwork for the subject of respect, and then additional articles will discuss how different personality types can approach being respected.

The road to being respected is paved with self-reflection, growth through effort, and a willingness to rethink the value of societal norms and traditional wisdom. But the payoff is worth all this effort. By earning genuine respect, you’ll find yourself naturally positioned as a trusted confidant among loved ones. You’ll develop the kind of influence that isn’t showy – it simply radiates from your being, inspiring others to grow and improve alongside you. The ripple effect of being respected has the power to transform not just your life but also the lives of those around you, creating a more harmonious and productive community.

Being Respected versus Being Liked

Being respected is often undervalued compared to being liked, and that can be a problem for your advancement in life. Being liked may be fleeting and is often based on superficial charm or agreeable behavior. Being respected, on the other hand, is often more enduring, and it’s rooted in integrity, wisdom, and the consistent demonstration of historically valued qualities.

You’ve likely experienced the warm glow of being liked – the easy laughter, the invitations, the feeling of fitting in. It’s a heady sensation, one that taps into the primal human need for belonging. That’s an important need to satisfy, and belonging is a very good thing. But being liked is the social equivalent of comfort food: it’s satisfying in the moment, but it doesn’t always nourish us in the long run. Like a sugar rush, the high of being liked can be addictive, leading you to chase fleeting moments of social approval at the expense of your authentic self, your growth, and your accomplishments.

It’s also an uncomfortable truth that being liked is a fickle friend. It’s often based on how well you conform to others’ expectations or how much you agree with their views. It can be a fragile state, and it is easily shattered by a single misstep or disagreement. When you prioritize being liked above all else, you inadvertently hand the reins of your self-worth over to others, which allows their moods to dictate your value. Your emotional health is of paramount importance and should be based on something more stable than other people’s fickle social impulses.

Respect, on the other hand, is the bedrock upon which lasting influence and genuine connections are built. Unlike the fleeting feeling of being liked, respect endures through disagreements, differences, and challenges. It’s earned through consistent actions, admirable qualities, unwavering integrity, and the courage to stand by your principles, even when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient to do so. When you’re respected, your words carry weight, your presence commands attention, and your impact extends far beyond your immediate circle.

Consider this: In your professional life, would you rather be the affable colleague everyone enjoys chatting with at the watercooler or the trusted advisor whose opinion matters when critical decisions are made? In your personal relationships, would you prefer to be the friend who’s always invited to parties or the one people turn to in times of genuine need? Being respected doesn’t mean that you can’t also be liked – in fact, it makes being liked much more probable – but it does mean that you’ve cultivated something far more valuable and enduring than merely being liked. Both are good, but you should recognize the difference when calibrating your priorities and where you invest your time, energy, and attention.

The path to being respected isn’t always smooth or immediately rewarding. It may mean making unpopular decisions, investing time and effort in a goal, speaking uncomfortable truths, or standing alone in your convictions. But with each step on this path, you’re building a foundation of personal power that no one can take away from you. You’re becoming someone who doesn’t just react to the world around them but actively shapes it. Rather than merely seeking external validation, you are cultivating an internal strength and integrity that naturally commands the esteem of others.

Indeed, the journey to earning respect from others leads to an even more profound destination: genuine self-respect. As you cultivate the qualities that tend to command esteem, you’re not just changing how others perceive you but transforming how you see yourself. The qualities that lead to being respected aren’t arbitrary – they are time-tested merits that hold societies together. The self-respect that they breed is unshakable because it’s rooted in your actions and choices, not in fleeting external validation. There’s a quiet confidence that comes from knowing that you’ve lived up to your own standards and worked to grow into your best self. You’ll look at yourself and see merit, regardless of the opinions of others.

This inner strength becomes a wellspring of resilience and can help you navigate life’s challenges with grace and determination. Being respected will also help you let go of fears and anxieties that build up around the need to please others. In this way, being respected can bring you inner emotional healing, because in working to earn the respect of others, you become someone you deeply respect.

Now let’s look at key areas of ancient wisdom that will help you earn your own respectable legacy.

10 Stones in the Traditional Foundation of Respect

As you embark on the journey to earn respect, it’s crucial to understand that respect isn’t a monolithic concept. It’s multifaceted, reflecting many different aspects of human character and behavior. Drawing from the wisdom of traditional cultures, we’ve identified 10 key areas in which respect has historically been commanded across various societies – “stones” that form the foundation upon which lasting respect is built. These areas represent timeless values that can lead to profound personal growth and social esteem.

Though these concepts are drawn from traditional cultures, we’ll explore their value through a contemporary lens. This approach allows us to harness the power of ancient wisdom while avoiding the pitfalls of outdated or harmful practices that may have existed in the past. Our goal is to reinterpret these time-honored principles in a way that promotes equality, advancement, and social harmony in our modern world.

Each of these 10 areas is distinct and offers a unique pathway to being respected – sometimes by giving respect. You may find that some of these areas resonate more strongly with your personal values or circumstances than others. Some may also be more (or less) accessible or achievable for you. That’s perfectly fine – this roadmap to being respected offers multiple routes, allowing you to choose the path that aligns best with your individual situation, background, and aspirations.

As we delve into each of these areas, remember that progress in any one of them can significantly enhance your respectability. You don’t need to excel in all 10 to be deeply respected – meaningful growth in even a few areas can lead to a noticeable shift in how others perceive and value you. Let’s explore each of these 10 stones in more detail.

1. Age and Hierarchy

In a societal moment that often glorifies youth and disruption, respecting age and hierarchy might seem outdated. However, by honoring those with more life experience and recognizing established productive structures, you demonstrate wisdom beyond your years and a keen understanding of social dynamics. This ancient principle remains a cornerstone of earning respect in many cultures for good reason.

This respect isn’t about blind obedience, but rather acknowledging the value of accumulated knowledge and the complex systems that keep societies functioning. When you show genuine respect for elders and authority figures, you’re seen as someone who values continuity, tradition, and the lessons of history – qualities that inspire trust and admiration in others.

Moreover, this practice can set you apart in professional settings. In a workplace where many might challenge authority reflexively, your ability to navigate hierarchies with respect and grace will mark you as a mature, thoughtful individual. This doesn’t mean that you can’t innovate or disagree – it means that, when you do, it will be from a place of earned credibility rather than brash defiance.

2. Education and Knowledge

The pursuit of knowledge has always been a respected endeavor, but in our information-rich age, it takes on a new significance. By prioritizing education and continuous learning, including self-education, you can position yourself as a valuable resource in any setting. This sort of knowledge goes beyond formal degrees. It’s about cultivating a genuine love for learning that extends throughout your life into all areas of personal mastery.

In an age where misinformation spreads rapidly, your commitment to factual accuracy and depth of understanding can become a beacon of reliability, with people respecting not just what you know but how you think. Your ability to analyze complex situations, provide informed perspectives, and adapt to new information can set you apart as a trusted advisor and thought leader.

Furthermore, a dedication to knowledge demonstrates humility and open-mindedness. It shows that you recognize that there’s always more to learn, which paradoxically makes others more likely to value your opinion. This intellectual curiosity, combined with the wisdom to apply knowledge practically, can earn you a level of respect that goes far beyond mere likability.

3. Family Devotion

In our increasingly self-oriented culture, strong family devotion stands out as a mark of character and stability. By prioritizing your familial relationships and responsibilities, you demonstrate a capacity for long-term commitment and an understanding of human interconnectedness that many find admirable.

This devotion isn’t about sacrificing all your personal ambition and goals, but rather recognizing that our strongest support systems often come from family ties. Those ties can support your individualistic pursuits. When others see you navigating the complexities of family life with grace, patience, and unwavering loyalty, they’re likely to view you as someone who is capable of depth and reliability in all relationships.

Moreover, family devotion often translates into other areas of life. The skills that you develop in maintaining family bonds – through communication, conflict resolution, loyalty, and empathy – are highly transferable. In professional and social circles, you’ll be respected for your ability to build and maintain strong, lasting relationships, which is a skill set that’s increasingly valuable in our modern world, where relationships are often transient.

4. Hard Work and Diligence

Our culture often seeks quick fixes and overnight success, so hard work and diligence stand out as rare and admirable qualities. By demonstrating a strong work ethic in all your endeavors, you can build a reputation for reliability and excellence that commands respect.

This doesn’t mean burning yourself out or sacrificing your well-being, but rather mustering the willpower to approach tasks with focus and determination. This is also a quality that can set you apart regardless of your level of ability or skill. When others see your commitment to giving your best effort, regardless of the outcome or the task’s perceived importance, they recognize in you a depth of character that goes beyond surface-level charm or talent.

Furthermore, diligence often leads to mastery, and mastery always commands respect. Whether it’s in your career, hobbies, or personal development, your persistent effort will yield results that speak for themselves. This tangible evidence of your hard work can not only benefit you but also earn you a level of respect that mere likability or charisma alone never could.

5. Self-Discipline and Self-Control

In our era of instant gratification and lack of emotional regulation, the ability to exercise self-discipline and self-control is increasingly rare and respected. Everyone is a work in progress, but by cultivating these qualities, you demonstrate a mastery over your impulses that can set you apart in both personal and professional spheres.

This isn’t about rigid self-denial or emotional suppression. Rather, it’s about practicing making choices that are aligned with your long-term goals and values. It’s about expressing your emotions fully yet mindfully, with a sense of understanding and responsibility for how you act. When others see your ability to stay calm under pressure, to choose the difficult right over the easy wrong, that strength of character inspires trust and admiration.

Moreover, self-discipline often translates into high achievement across various life areas. Your ability to consistently follow through on commitments, manage your time effectively, and maintain focus in the face of distractions marks you as someone of exceptional reliability and effectiveness. This level of self-mastery can earn you respect and position you as a person of substance and dependability in a social realm that is often characterized by impulsiveness and short-term thinking.

6. Moral and Social Norms

In a time when moral relativism is often celebrated, steadfast adherence to ethical principles and social norms stands out as a beacon of integrity. Of course, you must decide on your own codex of right and wrong, but some customary norms – such as always being respectful – are as valuable today as ever. By consistently aligning your actions with your values and respecting common societal customs, you demonstrate a level of moral fiber that commands deep respect.

That said, you don’t need to embrace everyone else’s beliefs and rituals to demonstrate respectability. Moral alignment can often be realized through basic universal principles that guide harmonious social structures – such as fairness, courtesy, compassion, and generosity. Such “norms” can bridge other differences. When others observe your commitment to ethical behavior, even when it’s inconvenient or unpopular, they will note that you have a moral compass that transcends situational ethics.

Furthermore, your respect for social norms showcases your cultural intelligence and adaptability. It’s not always a moral imperative to push your views and customs on others – doing so can even be misguided, arrogant, or destructive. When navigating diverse professional environments or international settings, your ability to understand and honor different social customs can highlight your global awareness and sensitivity – which are highly respectable qualities that are increasingly useful in our interconnected world.

7. Humility and Modesty

Since self-promotion and personal branding are now so common, genuine humility and modesty are refreshingly rare and deeply respected. By practicing these virtues, you demonstrate a self-awareness, confidence, and strength that doesn’t require constant external validation. A capable person is in many ways more impressive if they are filled with humility rather than self-congratulation – which can seem like arrogance even if it’s justified.

Of course, this doesn’t require you to downplay your achievements, as they deserve to be celebrated. But a great way to do that is acknowledging the role of others and circumstances in your success. When people witness your ability to give credit where it’s due and to learn from criticism, they see a level of emotional intelligence that inspires respect and admiration.

Moreover, humility often correlates with a growth mindset. An openness to new ideas and a willingness to admit when you’re wrong can foster lifelong learning. This in turn can earn you a respect that goes far beyond the fleeting admiration that’s garnered by boastfulness or arrogance.

8. Harmony and Politeness

The current social landscape is often confrontational and divisive, so the ability to create harmony and maintain politeness in relationships can be quite valuable and respected. By prioritizing respectful communication and conflict resolution, you position yourself as a stabilizing force in both personal and professional spheres.

But conflict avoidance isn’t the best way to promote harmony – conflict resolution is. There are many necessary confrontations that you will have to embrace, but you can approach such disagreements with grace and look for win-win solutions. Your skill in navigating such complex interpersonal dynamics while maintaining respect for all parties will demonstrate your rare emotional maturity to others.

Furthermore, your focus on harmony can eventually make you stand out as a natural leader and mediator. In a social realm where collaboration is increasingly crucial, your ability to bring people together and facilitate productive dialogue may just earn you a level of respect that mere authority can’t match. People respect someone who can tactfully and fairly solve social conflicts.

9. Spiritual and Personal Growth

A dedication to spiritual and personal growth sets you apart as someone with depth and purpose, especially in a materialistic society such as ours. By engaging in practices that promote self-awareness and inner development, you demonstrate a commitment to becoming your best self, which others find inspiring. Many in the modern age jeer at the idea of embracing religion as a foundation for such purposes, but it can provide a sense of meaning, connection, guidance, and community unlike anything else.

But you don’t have to adhere to any particular belief system to grow personally and spiritually. You can find the guiding wisdom and tools necessary for self-improvement and gaining a sense of purpose through a variety of means, such as traditional religion, new age beliefs, or even the secular mental techniques that are described by modern psychology. When people see your ongoing efforts to understand yourself and your place in existence, they will respect your wisdom and authenticity.

Moreover, a focus on personal growth often translates into increased empathy and understanding of others. This emotional intelligence, combined with your evolving self-awareness, positions you as someone who can offer unique insights and guidance. People come to respect not just what you’ve achieved but also who you’re becoming.

10. Generosity and Community Loyalty

Now more than ever, generosity and strong community ties stand out as markers of character and social responsibility. Many people feign such virtues, but their actions are superficial at best and serve their image more than their community. In contrast, by consistently showing kindness and maintaining commitments to your community, you demonstrate social awareness and altruism, which can earn you profound respect.

It’s true that you need to look out for your own well-being, but generosity and community loyalty don’t require grand sacrifices. Rather, consistent, thoughtful actions that contribute to the well-being of others and your community can add up over time. When people witness your willingness to give time, resources, or support without expecting personal gains, they will see your nobility of spirit that goes beyond mere virtue signaling or social obligations.

Furthermore, demonstrating your community loyalty can lead to a robust support network and increased social capital. A reputation as someone people count on in times of need can earn you a level of respect and trust that self-centered individuals rarely achieve. This combination of generosity and loyalty holds the potential to position you as a pillar of your community – that is, someone whose opinion and support are highly valued.

Conclusion: Earning Respect in Your Own Way

As we conclude this initial look at how to be respected, you may notice that the journey goes far beyond simple social strategies. We’ve touched on some timeless wisdom by examining principles that have shaped societies and individuals for centuries. Being respected is not something that can be achieved through a quick fix or a surface-level tweak – it’s a profound lifelong practice that changes many aspects of your life.

Imagine a future where you embody these principles of respect. You’re not just admired for your achievements – not that there’s anything wrong with that – but revered for your character. Your words carry weight, your actions inspire others, and your presence brings a sense of trust and stability to any situation. And that doesn’t just provide you with personal gain. As you earn genuine respect, you become a catalyst for positive change in your community and beyond. Your personal growth can contribute to a more harmonious society.

Remember, this journey is uniquely yours. You don’t need to tackle all 10 areas at once or master them overnight. Start where you are, with what resonates most deeply with you. Perhaps you’ll begin by deepening your commitment to learning or by cultivating greater self-discipline. Whatever your starting point, know that each step forward is valuable and builds upon the last – and we’re here to help you take these steps.

As you embark on this path, it’s worth considering how your personality type can influence your approach to earning respect. Each personality has unique strengths and challenges. To help you apply this wisdom, we’ve prepared in-depth articles for different personality types. They explore how your specific traits can affect your efforts to earn deep, lasting respect in the 10 areas that we’ve mentioned above. We encourage you to explore the article for your personality type, which we will link below when it publishes, as you continue this transformative journey toward being your most respected self:

Watch this space for more articles in our series on how different personality types can earn respect, coming soon.