INFP Personalities and the Three Dimensions of Loneliness

In this day and age, in the era of smartphones and social media, more people than ever are struggling with feelings of loneliness. This universal human sensation has profound impacts on people’s mental and physical well-being all around the world. It can range from temporary bouts of discomfort that arise in moments of solitude or disconnection to chronic feelings of isolation.

Struggling with feelings of loneliness? We created a small but mighty guide on addressing loneliness and finding love – the Mediator Guide to Healthy Dating – to help INFPs maintain healthy relationships with themselves and others.

While no personality type is completely immune to the empty, numb feelings that loneliness can stir up, there are some personalities who naturally experience loneliness more often than others. As a matter of fact, people with the INFP personality type (Mediators) seem to grapple with loneliness the most frequently. According to our “Loneliness” survey, 69% of INFPs say they feel lonely often or very often, compared to an average of about 51% across all 16 personality types.

INFPs are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Prospecting personalities. They are empathetic, creative, and idealistic individuals who deeply value harmony and fairness. They have a strong desire to form deep, authentic connections and to share their passions and dreams with others.

Keep in mind that just because INFPs report feeling loneliness more often than other personality types does not mean that all INFPs feel lonely all the time. However, these sensitive, idealistic souls have a combination of traits that make them generally more vulnerable to feeling misunderstood, isolated, and existentially preoccupied – three emotional states that are known to trigger loneliness in just about anyone.

In this article, we will discuss three different kinds of loneliness that have been identified through years of research on the topic. Then we will explore the relationship that INFPs have with each form of loneliness, including why they might feel lonely more often than the average person based on their personality.

The Different Dimensions of Loneliness

Loneliness can be thought of as the distress or discomfort that one feels when there is a gap between the social connections that they have and the social connections that they want and need. This sounds pretty simple, but feeling lonely is actually more complicated than it might seem.

In fact, psychological research has identified three different dimensions of loneliness that reflect the different types of connections that people tend to need in order to evade loneliness, to feel a sense of belonging, and to thrive. These dimensions include:

Social loneliness: A yearning for high-quality friendships that offer social companionship and support
Intimate loneliness: A longing for close confidants or an intimate partner with whom a person shares a deep mutual bond of affection and trust
Collective loneliness: A hunger for a network or community of people who share a sense of purpose

Without all three of these connections, people are likely to experience loneliness in one form or another. This might be why we see people who are happily married struggling with loneliness due to a lack of solid friendships or why someone with a handful of amazing friends might still feel very lonely due to a lack of intimate bonds with their family or a significant other.

Curious about which personality traits might leave people more vulnerable to feeling lonely? Check out our article “Understanding Loneliness: A Personality Type Perspective.”

When it comes to INFPs, these personalities have a deep-rooted desire for genuine connections, fulfilling relationships, and a sense of purpose in almost every area of their life. Because of these needs, they can experience these different dimensions of loneliness more often and at a greater level of intensity than other personality types. In the following sections, we will consider some potential reasons why INFPs might feel social, intimate, and collective loneliness, keeping in mind that individual experiences can vary widely even within a single personality type.

INFPs and Social Loneliness

INFPs deeply cherish the bond of friendship. They view these relationships as safe spaces where they can let their guard down and truly be themselves. For people with this personality type, their friends act not only as an invaluable support system but also as sounding boards for exploring the depths of their mind – their hopes, dreams, fears, and imaginative musings – without having to worry about being judged.

And INFPs don’t just seek to take from their friends. They also want to give them as much love and support as they possibly can. INFP personalities are very attentive, caring, and open-minded people, and when it comes to the people they care about, they try to show up for them, hold space for them, and help them reach their own dreams in whatever ways they can.

But INFPs have a tendency to get in their own way when it comes to both making new friends and feeling socially connected. These Introverts regularly crave alone time, which can sometimes cause them to unintentionally distance themselves from others – even the friends they hold closest to their heart. It’s nothing personal. INFPs just need time alone to daydream, process, and decompress.

However, when INFP personalities spend too much time alone, it can make them feel disconnected and lonely. They might want to reach out to friends, but they can sometimes feel indecisive about making plans or sit around waiting for someone else to initiate a get-together. And to make matters worse, once INFPs start feeling lonely, they are less likely than other personality types to reach out to others to fulfill their need for social connection. Just over 57% of INFPs say that feeling lonely makes them less social – the second-highest percentage after ISTP personalities (Virtuosos).

At times, INFPs may also struggle to meet their need for social connection due to their preference for friendships with depth and shared values. People with this personality type are usually not big fans of small talk, and they won’t make friends with just anyone because of the convenience of working at the same place or having a lot of mutual friends in common. INFPs usually need an authentic, profound connection with someone in order to consider them a real friend.

If INFPs do happen to befriend others on a more superficial level, these relationships can actually leave them feeling lonelier and more isolated than they were before. The sensation of being surrounded by others but still feeling incredibly lonely is something that INFPs can very much relate to. They struggle with feeling misunderstood and unseen in certain settings, which often contributes to their social loneliness.

However, once INFPs find true friends – the people who share their desire to explore different ideas, to help make the world better, and to really let themselves feel – these creative and loving individuals will do everything that they can to care for these friendships and make sure that they last a lifetime.

INFPs and Intimate Loneliness

When it comes to their intimate relationships, INFPs approach these connections with the same warmth and dedication as they do their friendships – perhaps even more so. But they can run into problems with intimate loneliness if they don’t find a partner or have an intimate relationship that meets their expectations of what these bonds are “supposed” to look and feel like.

As Intuitive personalities, INFPs spend quite a bit of time imagining a wide range of possibilities. In the context of romantic relationships specifically, this can cause them to create a list of ideals and imagine a perfect partner – a challenge for any real person to live up to.

Pair this Intuitive tendency with INFPs’ Feeling trait, and people with this personality type tend to be hopeless romantics. They believe in true love and all of the warmth and happiness that it’s said to bring. Although INFPs’ optimistic thinking and their belief in true love are both gifts, from time to time their ideals and expectations can lead to feelings of loneliness when these personalities face the realities of love and dating in the real world.

INFPs are more likely than other personalities to face certain barriers to romantic connection. We created the Mediator Guide to Healthy Dating to help INFPs understand, then transcend, these barriers in their search for love.

But even though they have high expectations when it comes to their love life, INFPs are still very open-minded. If they notice that they have a genuine connection with someone, they are usually willing to take a leap of faith, as they crave the kind of intimacy and understanding that can be found in a romantic partnership.

However, this craving can sometimes backfire. INFP personalities are very gentle human beings who tend to try to avoid conflict. They sometimes struggle to communicate their feelings openly if things aren’t working out the way that they’d hoped. They also tend to neglect their own wants and needs, prioritizing their partner’s happiness instead. These kinds of situations, where INFPs get stuck in an unhappy relationship in an attempt to escape loneliness, can actually end up doing more harm than good by fueling heavy feelings of isolation.

INFPs have to remember to prioritize themselves in their most intimate relationship. In order to feel a sense of fulfillment from this connection, they need a truly equal give-and-take and a sense of safety that allows them to let their guard down and be themselves.

INFPs and Collective Loneliness

Collective loneliness is perhaps the most difficult type of loneliness to address. It is not always easy to pinpoint exactly what gives us a sense of purpose and belonging and a community of people who share that while we’re also managing the realities of paying bills, staying healthy, seeing family, cultivating meaningful relationships, enjoying life, and so forth.

One way that INFPs might be able to find purpose and people to share it with is through their career path. People with the INFP personality type are passionate, creative, and caring individuals. They long to make the world a better place and to help people along the way. If they do happen to go down a career path alongside colleagues or managers who don’t share their overarching goals or their values, INFPs might find themselves feeling disconnected, frustrated, and lonely.

Luckily for INFPs, there are many ways that they can achieve a sense of purpose and belonging outside of work. They can grapple with collective loneliness through different hobbies, a shared appreciation of art, seeking out travel and adventure, a spiritual community, a national identity, learning a new language, and even here, at 16Personalities.com, through the shared insights that come from trying to understand oneself and others through the lens of human personality.

Even so, INFPs might still struggle to find the activities or spaces that give them a sense of purpose and belonging due to their indecisive nature. As revealed in our article on surprising facts about INFPs, about 69% of people with this personality type say they find it hard to make up their mind, even about small things – like what to eat or wear. As one can imagine, if INFPs have a hard time deciding what to wear, they are likely to have a hard time deciding which hobbies and extracurriculars to include in their life and which ones to leave behind.

But even though INFP personalities may sometimes struggle when it comes to making up their mind about how to spend their time, when they are able to connect with their inner sense of self, it will usually pull them right toward the activities, people, and experiences that spark their joy and their imagination.

Key Takeaways

INFPs, with their yearning for thoughtful connections and shared values, may experience loneliness on a more frequent basis and intense level than other personality types, but this doesn’t mean that they aren’t equipped to handle those heavy feelings.

One of INFPs’ greatest strengths is their ability to engage in self-reflection. They can use this tool to befriend their loneliness and to try to understand what they are missing in their life that causes them to feel alone or adrift. The journey might be challenging, but with their passion and ingenuity, INFPs have the capacity to foster meaningful connections that enrich their life, feed their soul, and diminish their feelings of loneliness.

Are you an INFP who struggles with loneliness? Comment below with your thoughts on or experiences with feeling lonely.