Managing Expectations: A Guide for Intuitive Personalities

If you’re like most people, you woke up this morning with dozens of expectations swirling around your head. You expected that your coffee would taste good, appointments would begin at their scheduled times, and the internet would be just as fast as usual.

But for Intuitive personalities, expectations can run much deeper. Analysts combine their Intuitive and Thinking traits to dig into problems and brainstorm innovative solutions. They demand progress – one step backward feels like a defeat for these personalities. Unsurprisingly, then, they also expect a lot from the people around them. Analysts set the bar high, and they tend to be selective about who they keep in their circle. They may also feel frustrated by environments and systems that aren’t as efficient or logical as they expected. They often have ideas for how to improve the status quo and expect others to share their vision.

Like Analysts, Diplomats can visualize an idyllic world and are sensitive to the ways in which reality doesn’t meet their expectations. They use their Intuitive and Feeling traits to form near-utopian hopes and dreams for the world. They’re constantly striving for better, especially when it impacts the well-being of others. Diplomats’ high expectations impact both themselves and the people around them – they hold themselves to their ironclad values and often expect others to do the same.

Both Analysts and Diplomats tend to get swept up in expectations that defy norms. They see a world of possibilities and uncharted territory that they feel is theirs for the taking. But there can be a stark difference between reality and the idealized scenarios that they play out in their heads. And the disappointment that follows can be kryptonite for Intuitive personalities.

The Problem with Expectations

First, let’s get one thing out of the way: expectations aren’t all bad. Intuitive personality types, who tend to have higher expectations than their Observant counterparts, are also more likely to stick with things that are important to them, even when reaching the end goal seems unlikely. And like most types, Intuitive personalities agree that it’s more difficult to be patient when the outcome is uncertain. In short, having expectations can ignite motivation and endurance during challenging times.

But having too many expectations that are too high can also pave the way for disappointment. That might be why Intuitive personalities are more likely than Observant types to say they often feel disappointed by things that seem satisfactory to others. And often these “things” involve people (including themselves) – they tend to be easily disappointed by others and less likely to meet their own expectations.

Some people might assume that personalities with high expectations would be natural optimists. But this assumption isn’t totally accurate. Intuitive personality types may see potential where others don’t, yet they also struggle more with pessimistic thought patterns and criticism for anything that falls below their standards. Optimism could be defined as the belief that everything will be okay even if it doesn’t go according to plan. But expectations, and especially high expectations, direct the mind to rely on a very specific outcome. If that outcome doesn’t manifest, Intuitive types may become more pessimistic, losing hope and failing to recognize the positives that exist in the actual outcome. This can become an all-or-nothing way of seeing the world.

This habitual expectation-setting can also take these personalities out of the present moment. And sometimes, subconsciously, that’s the point. Setting expectations can become a coping mechanism when dealing with uncertainty. It can be a way of tricking the brain into believing that it knows what’s in store, especially for Intuitive types who tend to be unsatisfied with the present. These personalities may bet on future success to cope with the current reality.

But this can lead to overlooking the opportunities that are available in the present. Some opportunities come together slowly, requiring a series of baby steps as well as some twists and turns. Yet Intuitive personality types may expect things to work out in a specific way and on an idealized timeline. But, of course, no one can really know what will happen or when, and obsessing over the future is one of the quickest ways to lose touch with the present moment.

Expelling Expectations

Intuitive personalities’ ability to detect alternatives and improvements can trigger sky-high (and often unrealistic) expectations of themselves, other people, and the world in general. To sidestep crippling disappointment – and to get better at recognizing the good that can come when expectations don’t come to pass – it’s crucial to learn how to better manage expectations.

Letting go of high expectations can be difficult, especially because setting them becomes a habit for many Intuitive types. Many may not even notice when they’re falling into the expectations trap until they experience the fallout of an unmet expectation. Here are a few suggestions for recognizing expectations and untangling them from reality.

Watch for “Should” Statements

For Intuitive types, high expectations can be “should” statements in disguise. “Should” statements are a type of cognitive distortion based on a value judgment. They’re statements like, “They should listen to my ideas,” or, “I should feel happier.”

But “shoulds” are subjective, not factual. This can be a hard lesson for Intuitive personalities, who are more than twice as likely as Observant types to say they spend time thinking about how things should be. Limit these “should” expectations by first jotting them down each time they come up and then reframing them as preferences (“I’d like it if they were on time,” instead of, “They should be on time”).

Communicate Expectations

Another way to handle expectations about other people is to clearly communicate these expectations. When it comes to relationships, both personal and professional, some expectations are necessary. For example, it’s reasonable to expect a spouse to be faithful or a manager to be fair.

However, some expectations must be communicated to get everyone on the same page. One way to do this is to give a clear request followed by an explanation of why the expectation is meaningful. Another way to begin this conversation is to start with words of affirmation – something like, “I really appreciate how helpful you are with the errands. I’d like you to help with the chores too. That way, we’ll have more time to relax together.”

Look for the Positives

Intuitive personalities have no trouble dreaming up best-case scenarios. But just because something isn’t as great as they imagined or thought it “should” be doesn’t mean that it lacks value. Even when things fall short of expectations, it can help to recognize the positives in the situation.

When dealing with a difficult colleague, for example, Intuitive types can look for the unique strengths that the colleague brings to the workplace. Or if a much-anticipated trip gets canceled, they can shift their focus to dreaming up new possibilities for how to spend that time. Focusing on the benefits, not the drawbacks, uncovers the goodness that can come when plans go awry.

Differentiate between Standards and Expectations

Letting go of expectations may be the key to happiness for Intuitive types. But not having expectations isn’t the same as settling. That’s where standards come in.

Intuitive personalities may fantasize about everything from their future spouse to their dream job, always shooting for the best of the best. They may have specific, limiting expectations that don’t leave much room for variation: “My spouse should always understand me and be endlessly affectionate, and my job should pay above average while fulfilling my passions.” (There are those “should” statements again.)

The difference with standards is that they’re fluid, they’re flexible, and they cover a wider scope of options. Instead of expecting a romantic partner to always be affectionate, have a standard of kindness and open communication around the topic of affection (including being able to ask for affection when desired). For work, Intuitive personalities can set standards for themselves to choose jobs that they’re passionate about while accepting that it might take time to get a raise, for example.

Expectations are narrow predictions about what will or should happen, while standards place core values front and center, allowing for surprises – without settling.

Conclusion: Expect the Unexpected

Intuitive personality types possess the innate ability to envision a better future and believe that it will come true. And while this quality certainly has its merits, the expectations that come with it can also lead to disappointment and negative thought patterns.

The solution is to embrace Intuitive thinking without being chained to idealistic outcomes. Fantasize about a better future and aspire for an improved life, but allow space for the unexpected too. Often, reality turns out to be much different – and even better – than what was expected.