Mediators (INFP) and Self-Reflection: Finding Harmony Within

As we delve into the realms of self-reflection, self-talk, and mental projection into either the past or the future, it becomes clear that different personality types approach these practices in unique ways. Mediators (INFP), for example, possess a natural inclination toward introspection and tend to engage in self-reflection frequently. In fact, it is highly likely that they even enjoy themselves while doing it.

Self-reflection, projection, and self-talk are great catalysts for personal growth, and Mediator personality types are set up for success, given their Intuitive, Feeling, and Prospecting traits. But that success can be hindered when a harmonious balance isn’t found in that reflection mode between the past, the present, and the future. Regardless of their practice with it, Mediators are still susceptible to losing that balance every once in a while. They are only human, after all, and some tumbles are inevitable.

It’s all too common for Mediators to feel criticized rather than supported by their inner selves. We created the Mediator Guide to Inner Peace to help these personalities change this relationship for the better.

By mastering this balancing act, Mediators can avoid the traps of dwelling on the past or projecting into an unrealistic future. Once they are firmly grounded in the present, they can lead a more authentic and fulfilling life. What that looks like and how they can regain their balance when they lose it are the topics that we’ll dive into in this article.

What Does Self-Reflection Look Like for Mediators?

Self-reflection is a process of introspection and self-examination. It involves turning attention inward, observing, and evaluating beliefs, values, behaviors, and patterns. Given Mediators’ Introverted and Intuitive personality traits, this action resonates quite naturally with them. Self-reflection is not just observation – it is an open invitation to explore with curiosity. This process allows Mediators to develop greater self-awareness, enabling them to make more conscious decisions and gain insights, ideas, and hopes for the future.

Using the word “observation” might give the idea that self-reflection only involves events that happened already or that are currently unfolding. However, imagining future conversations allows for observation as well – an activity that Mediators are quite fond of, actually.

In fact, in our “Practical Mind” survey, 99% of Mediator personalities say they often drift away into daydreaming or fantasizing about different ideas or scenarios. They play out hypothetical situations like, “How do you hold yourself together in case of adversity?” or “What is your reaction going to be when your boss yells at you for making a mistake?” Reviewing scenarios in their head allows Mediators to observe, dissect, and learn from these imaginary situations.

The Benefits of Reflection for Mediators

Observing and dissecting past situations has some clear benefits for Mediators. By going through situations in their mind, these personality types can solve problems or explore solutions for the future. These solutions do not all have to be realistic or practical, as the process of imagining various angles to a situation brings value and satisfaction in and of itself. This is their happy place.

Mediators can use their power of reflection to grow their communication skills. They can look back at a past interaction and reflect on whether they handled that conversation in the best possible way. Utilizing their imagination, they can try out different versions of that same conversation, testing a different tone of voice or using a different argument to learn whether they could have been more effective. When Mediator personalities have to resolve a conflict or start a difficult conversation – something that they may not feel entirely comfortable doing – they can practice how to broach the topic in a confident manner that feels authentic to them. They can run through different scenarios before deciding to act upon one of them in the real world.

Additionally, Mediators also have the opportunity to engage with and refine their empathic abilities through reflection. This allows them to step into someone else’s shoes, gaining more insights into their perspectives, emotions, and motivations. This understanding helps Mediator personalities reassess situations and come to different conclusions about them. These learnings will give them more information to make decisions that best suit them and the people they care for.

However.

These benefits of reflection are just one side of the coin. The other side shows the possible negative impacts that reflection can have on Mediator personalities’ lives. Let’s take a look at that.

When Mediators Get Stuck in the Past or Future

While people with this personality type enjoy revisiting the past for a variety of reasons, they find themselves in treacherous territory when they get stuck there. It is quite possible for that to happen, especially if they are not paying close attention. When revisiting the past turns into ruminating, Mediators’ strength of imagination turns into a weakness – a weakness that consumes time and energy and might even harm their overall well-being.

Looking Back

When Mediators revisit the past and ruminate, their regrets are a landmark that they keep going back to. According to our “Regret: General Attitudes” survey, Mediators dwell on their regrets often. And while that dwelling has its own detrimental impact (in our article “Mediators (INFP) and Self-Talk: Transforming Negativity into Creative Opportunities,” we explore how rumination might result in negative self-talk), what it leads to is the real concern for these personalities.

Frequent dwelling on regrets showcases how thoughts impact feelings. When Mediators continuously replay past situations, an internal voice-over highlights all of their perceived mistakes. These negative narrations lead to feelings of regret, remorse, guilt, and self-blame. Harsh negative self-talk follows, and as a result, Mediators often feel an urge to punish themselves. This is the case for the majority of Mediator personality types, according to that same survey.

Feeling the need to punish yourself for a situation that has already happened, sometimes far in the past, is worrisome for several reasons. To begin with, this self-punishment perpetuates a cycle of negative emotions – a cycle that traps Mediators in what feels like an inescapable web of guilt. This not only hinders personal growth but also impacts their overall well-being in a negative manner.

Moreover, Mediators tend to hold themselves to high standards and feel a sense of responsibility to uphold those standards. Mediator personalities can envision a better future just within grasp and would love to see it materialize. They might even feel responsible for creating it. So when they feel that they have failed to create this ideal future, the sense of disappointment can be overwhelming, resulting in intense negative emotions and a loop of “What if I had only done this one thing differently?” thoughts. This loop has the potential to fuel a belief that might be cropping up – that they are unworthy of achieving their ideals or are deserving of suffering.

This self-inflicted punishment serves no real purpose other than to perpetuate pain and hinder personal growth. On top of that, it impacts how Mediators view the future. It’s not all bleak, though, as there are ways for Mediator personalities to break through this cycle and thrive. And they already have the tools in their toolbox to do so. But before diving into that box, let’s first take a look at the other end of the pendulum swing of rumination: forecasting the future.

Forecasting the Future

When Mediators are stuck in a loop of rumination, they might find it hard to make plans for the future. After all, based on their rumination experience, it is very likely that whatever they take on will lead to disappointment. Disappointment results in regret, and regret turns into the urge to punish themselves, which ultimately culminates in pain, guilt, or self-blame. Not a very inviting vision of the future, is it? So it makes sense that people with Mediator personalities tend to say that they often regret agreeing to things in the future.

This regret is a true inhibitor for Mediator personalities. Not only does it keep them stuck in the past but it also prevents them from taking action in the future. This is where their vivid imagination takes a turn for the worse, as the ability to envision a multitude of negatively charged what-if scenarios isn’t conducive to future planning at all. In fact, according to our “Need for Control” survey, most Mediators say they are often afraid to make decisions. They worry about making the wrong decision, about negatively impacting their own feelings or those of others, and about missing out on better opportunities.

The Balancing Act

All of these worries can paralyze Mediator personalities, making it difficult to move forward and take action. The tendency to analyze all scenarios, combined with the fear of regret, can create a mental and emotional block that hinders Mediators. That is something that they acknowledge themselves in our “Emotional Baggage” survey, in which most Mediators agree that their emotional baggage is holding them back.

Reading this last section might not instill in Mediators great optimism and positivity for the future. Still, there is absolutely no reason to despair. We have referenced the remarkable skill of imagination as a strength for Mediators, and we will discuss how they can leverage that strength to their benefit even more. Yet we do not want to overlook the possibility of Mediators losing their balance every once in a while. Acknowledging that this will happen allows Mediators to prepare for it. Ignoring that this can occur is like ignoring that snow is cold. We can refuse to acknowledge these facts of life and live in blissful denial while getting hypothermia, or we can dress accordingly and actually enjoy the winter. It is up to us to decide.

A Mediator’s mind is a powerful tool that can work for or against them. We’ve created a handy guide – the Mediator Guide to Inner Peace – to help Mediators understand the inner workings of their mind and build a supportive relationship with their inner voice.

What does that mean in reality? How can Mediators “enjoy the winter,” or regain their balance, when they get stuck? There are several strategies that people with this personality type can explore to support themselves in gaining the benefits of revisiting the past and forecasting the future. However, none of these strategies will do any good if Mediators aren’t aware that they are stuck – or even that they have the tendency to get stuck – in their ruminations.

Mindfulness is the first tool in their toolbox that will have a lasting impact on Mediators by creating awareness of where their mind is at in any given moment: reflecting on the past, forecasting the future, or enjoying the present moment.

Mindfulness is a powerful practice that can help Mediator personality types grow self-awareness and regain their balance. It is not a one-and-done activity, though. To incorporate mindfulness into their daily life, Mediators can explore different practices, such as meditation, breath work, journaling, or planning moments throughout the day to pause and tune in to their present experience.

Once Mediators develop a solid foundation in mindfulness, they can start exploring different tools and techniques to get them back in balance, such as thought stopping (mentally saying “stop” to interrupt their thinking pattern), reframing (challenging negative self-talk by asking whether there is another perspective to consider that wouldn’t place the blame on themselves), empathy (asking themselves, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”), or grounding themselves in the present moment by redirecting their attention (paying attention to where in their nose they feel the air as they take a breath in).

Nurturing Harmony

By cultivating self-awareness and actively redirecting their focus, Mediator personalities can harness the power of their imagination and navigate the complexities of their inner world with greater ease. They are able to create magic when they connect the dots in understanding the lessons of the past, the beauty of the present moment, and the opportunities of the future. When they master this, they infuse any situation with a sense of peace, harmony, and a fresh perspective.

Pairing this with their unique skills and abilities to connect with people and create meaningful and lasting relationships, Mediators will be well on their way to creating the authentic and fulfilling life that they so desire. When they find their point of gravity and hold on to their balance, the positive impact that these personality types can have on the world and the people around them is immense. Leveraging their strengths, they can become beacons of guidance, comfort, and inspiration to others. And, of course, to themselves.

How do you know when you are out of balance and stuck in rumination? How do you get yourself unstuck? Let us know in the comments!