Dealing with a difficult boss can be incredibly challenging, but understanding their personality type can help. By exploring the five aspects of personality and how they influence your boss’s leadership style, you can develop strategies to build a more positive and productive working dynamic.
Imagine that you’ve been dedicated to a certain project for weeks – putting in extra hours and pouring your heart into every detail. When you finally submit your work to your boss, you wait eagerly for their feedback. But days go by, and you hear nothing. No “Job well done,” no “Thanks for getting your work in on time,” not even a simple acknowledgment that they’ve received your report. The silence is deafening. This lack of feedback leaves you feeling unsure and anxious, and you can’t shake the nagging thought: “Does my boss hate me?”
If this scenario sounds all too familiar, you’re not alone. Many employees struggle with bosses who provide little to no feedback. Such bosses may leave them feeling uncertain about their performance and questioning their place in the organization. Other employees deal with bosses who micromanage, lack empathy, or exhibit inconsistent expectations. These difficult boss behaviors can lead to a toxic work environment and strained relationships between managers and their teams.
How to Deal With a Difficult Boss
It’s easy to say “My boss is mean” or “My boss hates me” and settle into what you perceive to be a mutual dislike. But that approach won’t save you from having to navigate the challenges of dealing with a difficult boss, which, over time, can make your day-to-day work experience pretty unbearable.
If you want to make your workday more pleasant, consider taking a proactive approach to smoothing out this core professional relationship. Yes, this path is more challenging, but your long-term well-being is worth the effort.
The key to successfully navigating your boss’s difficult leadership style is understanding the diverse factors that contribute to their behavior. It’s only from this place of understanding that you can adapt how you interact with them to meet them where they are.
So, where do you begin?
To start with, it’s important to remember that your boss is a person – a highly nuanced person whose ways of interacting with the world are shaped by a complex interplay of various factors.
Your boss’s leadership style is strongly influenced by their professional training, organizational culture, stress levels, and individual values. Their upbringing and past experiences with authority figures can affect how they perceive and interact with their own employees, and the level of training and support that they receive as a manager can impact their ability to effectively lead and communicate with their team. The organization’s overall culture, including its values, norms, and expectations, can also play a role in shaping your boss’s behavior, as can the stress and pressure that they face in their role.
These, and many other factors, contribute to a boss’s leadership style, for better or for worse. And, honestly, there’s not much that you can do about any of it, other than acknowledge that those factors exist and influence how your boss interacts with you and the rest of their team.
But while you may not have the power to change your boss’s attitude or behaviors directly, you can control how you interpret and react to challenging interactions that you have with them. This is where personality theory becomes really helpful.
Understanding your boss’s personality traits can provide valuable insights into why they act the way that they do. By studying your boss’s personality type, you can develop a more objective perspective on their leadership style, devise strategies for more effective communication, and adapt your approach to working with them in ways that minimize hurt feelings and avoid unnecessary or unproductive conflict.
Before we go any further, we want to put out a little disclaimer. At a certain point, your boss’s behavior can cross the line and become toxic or even abusive. We encourage you to use your best judgment and, if necessary, document inappropriate incidents and seek the assistance of your HR department to deal with abusive work conditions. In some cases, the best option may be to find a new job.
Boss Behavior, Leadership Style, and Personality Traits
The best place to start when trying to understand your boss through the lens of personality theory is to figure out their personality type. If you often think “My boss hates me,” it might be a bit awkward to ask them to take a personality test. Unless your organization has subscribed to our Teams workshops, getting your boss to tell you their personality type might be next to impossible.
Fortunately, it’s relatively easy to make a fairly accurate educated guess about someone’s personality type simply by observing their behavior and leadership style. Certain tendencies are linked to certain traits, and knowing how to identify a certain personality trait in a real-world context will allow you to discern a person’s possible personality type fairly quickly.
In this section, we will look at each of the five aspects of personality and what kind of difficult boss behaviors might present themselves at either end of the trait spectrum. As you read through this section, write down the letter associated with the trait description that sounds most like your boss. At the end of this section, you will be able to put the five different letters together to make your best guess about which personality type your boss might have.
Energy: Introverted (I) or Extraverted (E)
Introverted bosses tend to be more reserved and may prefer written communication, one-on-one meetings, and time alone to focus on their work. They often think before speaking and may pause before responding to questions or comments. Extraverted bosses are often more outgoing and talkative. They may prefer face-to-face communication, group meetings, and brainstorming sessions. They tend to process their thoughts out loud and may make decisions more quickly, often talking through their reasoning as they go.
An Introverted boss with a difficult leadership style may be perceived as aloof, uncommunicative, or dismissive of their team’s need for interaction and feedback. They may struggle to provide regular updates, leave their team feeling disconnected, or make decisions without considering input from others.
On the flip side, an Extraverted boss with a difficult leadership style is likely to dominate conversations, leave little room for others to contribute, or make hasty decisions without considering all perspectives. They may also overwhelm their team with constant interaction, which can leave others with little time for focused, independent work.
Mind: Intuitive (N) or Observant (S)
Intuitive bosses often have a visionary approach, which means that they may focus on abstract concepts, theories, and potential innovations. They might enjoy exploring new ideas and possibilities, even if they aren’t immediately applicable. Observant bosses, in contrast, tend to be grounded in the present and focused on concrete facts and details. They often prefer practical, tried-and-true solutions. These personalities may be more open to considering new ideas if they’re presented with a realistic implementation plan that is designed to bring about clear and tangible benefits, and they generally prioritize measurable results.
Unfortunately, an Intuitive boss may become so focused on grand visions and abstract ideas that they neglect practical realities and fail to provide their team with clear direction or support. They may constantly chase new ideas without following through on them, which tends to result in unfinished projects and a frustrated team.
Conversely, an Observant boss may become so focused on the here-and-now reality of their work that they become anchored to “what is” and leave little room for “what could be.” This tendency may limit their ability to innovate or think outside of established norms, and it can stifle the creativity of their team.
Nature: Thinking (T) or Feeling (F)
Thinking bosses tend to be more analytical and objective. They base their decisions on facts, data, and logical reasoning. Their leadership style may seem more detached or impersonal, especially when they are solving problems. They focus on efficiency and results. Feeling bosses, on the other hand, often consider the emotional impact of their decisions and prioritize maintaining harmony and morale within their team. They are likely to make decisions based on their personal values and the needs of the people involved.
When taken too far, a Thinking boss’s emphasis on logic and objectivity can come across as cold, uncaring, or dismissive of the team’s emotional needs and well-being. These bosses may make decisions that are technically sound but fail to account for the human impact, which can damage morale and trust within the team.
A Feeling boss with a difficult leadership style may avoid necessary conflicts, struggle to make tough decisions, or prioritize harmony over results in a way that ultimately harms the team and the organization. They may also be seen as playing favorites or making decisions based on personal biases rather than objective criteria.
Tactics: Judging (J) or Prospecting (P)
Judging bosses often prefer a structured, orderly work environment with clear expectations and deadlines. They value predictability and decisiveness, so they may make decisions quickly and stick to them. Prospecting bosses, in contrast, tend to be less rigid and more adaptable. They may prefer to keep their options open, explore multiple possibilities, and change course as new information arises. They often thrive in more fluid, dynamic work environments and might be more comfortable with ambiguity and last-minute changes.
In some situations, Judging bosses may become overly rigid, inflexible, or controlling, stifling their team’s ability to adapt to change or explore new approaches. They may also be prone to micromanaging projects and resisting input from others, and they’re sometimes known to create an atmosphere of excessive pressure and stress in the workplace.
On the flip side, a Prospecting boss with a difficult leadership style may unintentionally create a sense of chaos and uncertainty by failing to provide clear direction or by not following through on commitments. They may constantly change their priorities, leave projects unfinished, or fail to hold themselves or others accountable for results.
Identity: Assertive (-A) or Turbulent (-T)
Assertive bosses often appear confident and self-assured. They make decisions with conviction and bounce back quickly from setbacks. They may be less visibly affected by stress or criticism, and they tend to have a more stable, predictable demeanor. Turbulent bosses might be more self-aware and concerned with meeting expectations – both their own and those of others. They often strive for perfection and may be more openly expressive with their emotions, whether they’re positive or negative. These bosses also tend to be more reactive to stress and pressure, and they exhibit more noticeable ups and downs in their mood and energy levels.
In a difficult workplace situation, an Assertive boss may come across as arrogant, dismissive of feedback, or unwilling to admit mistakes. They may also push their team too hard, expecting everyone to be as resilient to stress as they are, and they may be unwilling to provide additional support or resources when they’re needed.
Conversely, a Turbulent boss with a challenging leadership style may create an atmosphere of anxiety and self-doubt by micromanaging their team or projecting their own insecurities and emotional volatility onto others. They may also overreact to minor setbacks, creating a sense of constant crisis or urgency that can burn out their team over time.
Putting It All Together
Now that you’ve read through these trait descriptions, take each of the letters that you jotted down and put them together in the same order as they’re presented above. This will allow you to identify which of the 16 different personality types, plus the Identity variant, your boss might have. For example, if you wrote down “INTJA,” your boss is likely someone with the Assertive INTJ personality type (INTJ-A, a.k.a. Assertive Architect).
With this information, you can now dig a little deeper into their personality. To get started, we invite you to read the in-depth description of their personality type, which you can access via the “Personality Types” section of our site. Make sure that you also study up on the differences between the Assertive and Turbulent variants of their type by following the link at the top of each type’s profile (for example, “INTJ-A vs. INTJ-T”). Consider this an opportunity to get to know your boss in a completely different way, without having to ask them uncomfortable questions.
This method is not foolproof, and it would be a mistake to read their personality type description and automatically assume that you know everything about them. It’s a good place to start, however, if you feel like your boss hates you and you want to confront their behavior with compassion and understanding.
If you’re still unsure about your boss’s personality type and would like another option for making an educated guess, try out our free Type Guesser tool for workplace relationships.
Working Through Your Boss’s Difficult Leadership Style
By now, you hopefully have a sense of your boss’s personality type and, more importantly, how their personality influences their leadership style. Armed with this knowledge, you can start to piece together a more comprehensive picture of your boss’s behavior and what drives it.
It’s important to keep in mind, however, that while understanding your boss’s personality can be helpful, it’s not a magic solution for all workplace challenges. Remember, your boss is only human. As such, they are susceptible to the same personality-related blind spots as anyone else. And as previously mentioned, your boss’s behavior is likely to be influenced by factors beyond their personality, such as organizational culture, stress levels, or personal circumstances.
That said, by gaining insight into personality theory and leadership styles, it becomes easier to deal with your boss’s difficult behavior. Start by adapting your own approach to communication, collaboration, and problem-solving in ways that are more likely to be effective and well-received. For example, if you are pretty sure that your boss is an Introvert, you might choose to send them a detailed email outlining your ideas before scheduling a meeting to discuss them. Or, if your boss seems to be a Feeling type, you might frame your suggestions in terms of how they will benefit the team and improve morale, rather than focusing solely on bottom-line results.
The specific strategies that you adopt will vary depending on your boss’s personality type, your own personality type (take our free personality test now if you haven’t done so yet), and the line of work that you are in. To help you discover what might work for you, we also recommend exploring our vast library of free and premium resources.
Final Thoughts
Ultimately, the key to dealing with a difficult boss is to approach the relationship with empathy, flexibility, and a willingness to communicate openly and honestly. By taking the time to understand your boss’s leadership style and personality and then adapting your own style accordingly, you can build a stronger, more positive working relationship – even with a boss who sometimes makes you wonder if they hate you.
Remember, your boss has their own strengths, weaknesses, and opportunities for growth. While you can’t control their behavior, you can control your reactions and choices. By focusing on what you can change and accepting what you can’t, you can likely reduce your stress, increase your job satisfaction, and set yourself up for long-term career success, no matter who your boss may be.
Have you ever had an experience with a boss who made you wonder, “Does my boss hate me?” If so, how did you manage that situation and the difficulties that it created in the workplace? Let us know in the comments below.