Opposites Attract: When Advocates (INFJ) and Entrepreneurs (ESTP) Fall in Love

Do Opposite Personality Types Attract?

Have you ever seen a couple and asked yourself, “What do they see in each other?” Why two people fall in love can be an incredibly mysterious thing. But the fact is, there are no hard-and-fast rules on who attracts whom and why. It can be very shortsighted to assume that a relationship will fail based on how many characteristics a couple shares or doesn’t share. How two people come together when they have little in common can be baffling, but no combination of personality types should ever be counted out in romance.

Even researchers can’t get a solid bead on whether the belief that opposites attract is true or not. The conclusion to such studies is often, “It depends.” There seems to be some evidence that similarities draw people together. People are more likely to claim attraction when a potential partner is more like them than not, at least on paper. In fact, some studies suggest that the more information that’s provided about a person, the less attractive they might appear, because the added information might highlight more differences.

But other research suggests that an attraction to similarities may apply more to demographic characteristics like age, religion, socioeconomic status, and level of education than to inherent personality characteristics. In some situations, people might seek out potential partners with distinctly different personality traits or types from their own in order to make up for a lack that they perceive in themselves or to complement their own qualities. For example, someone who is withdrawn and bored with their quiet existence might look to pair up with someone who is more adventurous and outgoing. The idea is that they might fall in love with the other person’s enthusiasm and eventually add a more exciting aspect to their own life.

Big Differences Call for Big Communication

The obvious challenge for two very different personality types who fall in love with each other is that they approach life in very different ways. They might make decisions differently, either rationally or with more regard for emotional considerations. One partner might approach conflict head-on, while the other might prefer a less direct method of dealing with disagreements. Emotional support might be offered at different levels and in different ways. One partner might choose a very social life, while the other might opt for something more private and solitary. One might be very organized, maybe even fastidious, and the other not so much.

A list of potential differences may be quite long. But that doesn’t mean that these differences are irreconcilable, as long as there is plenty of communication and a mature willingness to compromise and adapt. Of course, it takes mutual respect and love to occasionally defer to someone else’s preferences in the interest of intimately connecting with that person.

If the couple adopts a personal growth attitude within their relationship, then the fact that they have differences can become an asset rather than a liability. With enough patience and understanding, both partners can expand their individual lives simply by spending time with someone they care about, no matter how different that person is from themselves. It may not always be comfortable, but it can be healthy. And often, depending on the individual or couple, it can lead to unique discoveries, growth, and joy. But garnering these rewards can require great flexibility and openness.

Not sure about your romantic partner’s personality type? Ask them to take our free personality test, or try our free Type Guesser tool.

Polar Opposite Personality Types: Advocates (INFJ) and Entrepreneurs (ESTP)

With all this in mind, let’s explore what might happen when two specific opposite personality types fall in love: Advocates (INFJ) and Entrepreneurs (ESTP). Advocates are defined by the Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging personality traits, while Entrepreneurs are defined by the Extraverted, Observant, Thinking, and Prospecting traits. What might a romantic relationship between these two types look like? What might be difficult? And what might produce growth and joy? We’ll discuss some key differences between the two types, how to mitigate any tensions caused by those differences, and the hidden treasures within their relationship.

It’s important to note that this exploration is theoretical, because people carry more things into their relationships than just their personality traits. For example, life history and personal experiences also influence the texture and direction of relationships. That said, personality plays a significant role in almost anything that humans do. So we want to treat the personality aspect of romantic relationships seriously and glean all that we can from understanding what makes different personality types tick.

Without further ado, let’s look at the challenges and the treasures that can come from this romantic match, with an optimistic emphasis on the treasures.

The Challenges

Let’s start with a few of the personality dynamics that can be difficult for Advocates and Entrepreneurs in a romantic relationship.

Time Perspectives

Advocates are forward-looking individuals who are generally more interested than Entrepreneurs tend to be in how the future will be affected by a decision or action. Entrepreneurs are more likely to focus on the immediate and concrete implications of a decision or action than they are to consider some uncertain and imagined future.

In a romantic relationship, Advocate partners may view Entrepreneurs’ perspectives as careless and risky. In contrast, Entrepreneur partners may see Advocates as overcautious and slow to act, believing that their overthinking may cause delays and missed opportunities. Partners with the Advocate personality type may complain about moving too fast, while their Entrepreneur counterparts may urge them to move more quickly and perhaps even more decisively.

Social Needs

Entrepreneurs are highly social networkers who enjoy meeting and connecting with new and interesting people. Generally speaking, this alone will not create a significant difference between Entrepreneurs and Advocates. Advocates won’t necessarily oppose their Entrepreneur partner’s social enthusiasm, unless it overlaps too much with their own need to withdraw and regroup in solitude occasionally. This sort of tension may arise with any Extraverted-Introverted couple. Boundaries and limits to how much social time they will spend together will likely need to be discussed and determined.

The Weight of Emotions

Advocates tend to lead with their feelings. This doesn’t mean that they abandon all forms of critical thinking when making decisions. Still, they’re likely to factor in the human element and blend a healthy dose of empathetic ingredients into their rational processes. On the other hand, Entrepreneurs tend to lead with practical rationality. This doesn’t mean that they don’t care for the well-being of others, but that’s generally not what they focus on first. For Entrepreneur personalities, how their actions affect others may have somewhat less of a priority, but it will likely still be present, generally speaking.

Advocate-Entrepreneur couples may enter into conflict when making joint decisions. Entrepreneur partners may sometimes see Advocates as soft and impractical with their strong compassion for others, while Advocate partners may see Entrepreneurs as too unfeeling and perhaps even coldhearted. When this happens, it’s probably an overreaction caused by each person comparing their stronger impulses to those of their partner. This comparison could create an exaggerated stereotype based on their perceived differences. It would be wildly inaccurate to say in some general way that Advocates have no practical inclinations and that Entrepreneurs are heartless. When such a conflict forms, it’s likely a matter of contrasts and degrees.

The Treasures

Now let’s talk about the treasures to be found in Advocate-Entrepreneur relationships. Notice as we do that, if the challenges are approached in the right way, they ultimately create these treasures.

Personal Growth

Personal growth is the low-hanging fruit when discussing romantic relationships – or any relationship – between opposite personality types. If a connection is nurtured with love and attention, personal growth will always be the product of a loving pair. In the other person, we discover how we are different and how we are alike, and this informs our growth.

For Advocate-Entrepreneur couples, personal growth for Advocate partners will likely have something to do with learning to be more flexible and spontaneous. Entrepreneur partners may learn more about planning (or the consequences of not planning) and the importance of including human/emotional factors in their decisions more than they already might. In some ways, this might be looked at more simply as Advocates learning how to worry less and Entrepreneurs learning how to worry more, in healthy ways.

Opportunities to Leverage the Other’s Strengths

This couple might also receive help from each other’s strengths in a way that produces growth. Entrepreneurs’ practical ways may help Advocates behave more productively when an overly idealistic ideology threatens to hamper their approach to life, as may very well happen with an Advocate who is having difficulty finding balance. This can be applied to daily matters or even a worldview over the course of a lifetime, and it may add a level of productivity and success that might not have been there otherwise.

Meanwhile, Advocates’ empathy and compassion may help Entrepreneurs curb their unhealthier drives. Through exposure to Advocates’ support and style, Entrepreneurs may become more interested in the benefits of taking care of themselves and others and head in a more mindful direction in their productive (and sometimes risky) practices. As a bonus, because of Advocates’ empathic nature and desire to support others, Entrepreneurs may feel understood in ways that they might never have experienced without their Advocate partner caring so much about them.

The Texture of Life

Judging personality types love stability, and Advocates are archetypal stabilizers. While there can be many virtues to this tendency, it can also produce a mind-numbing sameness. Everybody can use a little excitement, including most Judging types. In Advocate-Entrepreneur relationships, adventure is built in, due to Entrepreneurs’ attitude toward life. If Advocate partners can remain open to the value of Entrepreneurs’ natural inclinations, they will likely find a healthy dose of excitement added to their existence.

On the other side of the coin, Entrepreneurs are generally quicker to act than Advocates are, and this decisiveness can help move their lives forward more productively. However, any positive has its downsides when things are out of balance. Sometimes we all need to slow down, think hard, and feel deeply before making a move – even Entrepreneurs. Advocates are just the people who can help Entrepreneurs move through life more deliberately and mindfully. As Entrepreneur partners slow down and consider their actions more, they may learn to approach life more emotionally and intellectually. Beyond the practical matters discussed above, this can add a deeper, more stable texture to Entrepreneurs’ lives.

Mining the Richness of Different Personality Types

Romance between Advocates and Entrepreneurs creates a pretty unusual combination of personality traits that presents both challenges and benefits. Entrepreneurs’ innovation and spontaneity complement Advocates’ well-structured approach and empathetic nature. The unique bond between these two personalities lets them grow individually and together while balancing fresh excitement with stability. Advocates and Entrepreneurs can build vibrant and enriching relationships by practicing understanding, patience, and clear communication.

Please comment below if you’re part of an Advocate-Entrepreneur couple or if you’ve known such couples. In your experience, what helps these relationships thrive?