Through our words, our actions, and our body language, we can make our most basic needs known and express our deepest emotions. But communication is rarely black-and-white, and it’s usually subject to interpretation, which can lead to misunderstandings and possibly hurt feelings. This is doubly true when it comes to talking about matters of the heart.
If anyone knows this, it’s Architects (INTJs). With more than 96% of them admitting that, in general, they often feel misunderstood, it’s safe to say that they are one of the personality types most likely to struggle when it comes to speaking the languages of love. And for people who are in relationships with Architects, it can be a challenge not only to know how to best express loving feelings but also to trust that they are reciprocated.
In our article about different ways to say “I love you,” we identified seven distinct ways to express love, often referred to as a person’s love language. We won’t talk about all of them here, so be sure to click that link to get an in-depth understanding of each one.
Architects are somewhat enigmatic personalities – particularly in the realm of romance. They are incredibly private and are among the least likely types to enjoy deep, emotional conversations. They also tend to be minimally expressive in a nonsexual, physical sense, and they’re incredibly independent. In fact, they are the most likely of all personality types to enjoy being single and among the least likely to actively seek out new relationships.
That doesn’t mean, however, that they don’t fall in love or know how to have profound, meaningful connections. Most Architects actually appreciate committed romantic partnerships – they might just prefer their own company to settling for mediocrity. All this is to say that if an Architect is paired up with someone, it’s likely because they really like that person.
Thanks to their combined Thinking and Judging traits, Architects usually have a predominantly logical mind, which is strongly reflected in the love languages that people with this personality type prefer.
How Architects Show Love
While it’s not outside the realm of possibility, Architects don’t tend to have intensely passionate relationships defined by stereotypically romantic displays of love. In fact, they may struggle to explicitly express love in traditional ways or even to say, “I love you.”
They will, however, make their affection clearly known simply by their willingness to dedicate time and attention to the person they love. They will show their interest through active cerebral stimulation, and if they support their partner’s goals (or simply want to demonstrate their love and appreciation), they might very well give their partner economic priority.
Time and Attention
One of the primary ways that Architects are likely to show their love is through time and attention. People with this personality type are usually very independent and don’t exactly feel compelled to spend all of their free time with their partner. They don’t mind having different social groups and are probably happiest with someone who is just as independent as they are.
That’s why it is so special when they turn the spotlight of their attention on their partner. When they find someone with similar interests, a comparable intellect, and ideas that interest them, pulling back from their own inner world and intentionally connecting with that person becomes an obvious demonstration of love.
Cerebral Stimulation
Architects generally love it when they have a partner who is on the same intellectual plane as them. In some ways, they may actually value intellectual connection more than those fluttery feelings of love, and in romantic relationships, the cerebral and sentimental are closely intertwined.
That makes cerebral stimulation a likely love language for people with this personality type. When Architects ask a pointed question or two and then revel in their partner’s mental agility, it is both emotionally fulfilling for them and a visible display of love and appreciation for their partner.
Economic Priority
Architects are usually sincere and honest when it comes to their feedback and opinions. If they don’t think that their partners are on a logical path when it comes to their priorities, projects, and goals, they might not exactly be supportive and might even be vocal about their skepticism.
But if they are supportive, they’re likely to rely on the love language of economic priority to show approval and back their partner in the most practical of ways. Rather than rely on hollow words or emotional platitudes, they might just work their partner’s projects into their personal budget.
How Architects Receive Love
For the partners of Architects, it can be a real challenge knowing which love language will manage to work its way into their hearts. People with this personality type may bristle when someone does something for them without asking, so thoughtful actions might not be well received. Architects are not likely to share their emotional vulnerability, so offering psychological support might be underappreciated. Even focusing your time and attention on them could backfire if they interpret it as an infringement on their independence.
So what’s an Architect’s partner to do?
Just remember – the most direct way to their heart is likely through their brain. You’ll never go wrong by providing them with ample cerebral stimulation and plenty of recognition and appreciation for who they are and what they do.
Cerebral Stimulation
Architects are usually willing listeners when their partner takes the lead in a conversation, but they are likely to appreciate an engaging back-and-forth discussion that allows them to express the ins and outs of their thought process. Of all the personality types, they are the most likely to prefer one-on-one conversations rather than group exchanges. And as long as they don’t veer too far, too often into the territory of emotions, they appreciate deep discussions and plenty of cerebral stimulation.
Architects are likely to feel it right in the heart if those conversations are with someone who loves them, sincerely wants to understand them, and appreciates their perspectives and point of view.
Recognition and Appreciation
Though it might seem counterintuitive, recognition and appreciation are likely to be really important for Architects to feel truly loved by their partner and secure in their relationship.
Even though people with this personality type tend to take pride in what they do and who they are, it tends to be a cautious pride. That’s why it’s so deeply meaningful when their partners openly express that they value Architects for who they are and that they appreciate their contributions in those areas where their lives overlap.
While this love language doesn’t always manifest in the form of compliments, kind words tend to be the most natural form of expressing appreciation. Complimenting Architects should be thought of as an opportunity to demonstrate that they are truly “seen.” Instead of just randomly doling out praise, pack each compliment with observations and understanding. Compare “I love how smart you are!” to “You know, I really appreciate the amount of thought that you put into things. Not everyone bothers. But I see it in you, and it’s part of what makes me love you.” There’s a huge difference between the two, and if personality theory is any indication, Architects will really hear – and deeply feel – the latter.
Conclusion
When it comes to Architects, knowing their preferred love languages is one of the best ways to avoid misunderstandings within the context of a romantic relationship. It’s important to acknowledge that they are just not naturally inclined to touchy-feely displays of physical affection or shows of emotional support. Feelings of love and appreciation can be expressed and mutually understood, however, by lovingly accepting the unique tendencies of Architect personalities.
While we can’t guarantee that any particular love language is a surefire key to their heart, according to our research, these suggestions are a great place to start.
But now we’d like to turn it over to you, Architects and lovers of Architects: What are your preferred love languages? Let us know in the comments below.
Further Reading
- Check out more articles in our Love Language series: Logicians (INTPs), Mediators (INFPs), Defenders (ISFJs), and Adventurers (ISFPs).
- How to Ask Out an Architect (INTJ)
- Dating, Architect (INTJ) Style
- Architect Personality and Emotions