When we want to express our love and affection, it’s often necessary to enhance our words with actions to fully convey the depth of our feelings. The ways that we do this usually fall within certain patterns, commonly referred to as a person’s love language.
Each of us generally relies upon a specific love language or two for communicating our love to others. At the same time, we usually have well-defined preferences for how love is expressed to us in return. Understanding both our own and our partner’s love language preferences is helpful for nurturing and sustaining the loving feelings that hold our relationships together.
We’ve identified seven distinct ways that people communicate love, which we describe in the article “Different Ways to Say ‘I Love You’: Love Language and Personality Type.” Be sure to read it, because we won’t be discussing all of them here.
As Thinking types, Commanders (ENTJs) are inclined to let their intellect guide them through life – and their relationships – rather than trusting the instincts of their heart. They’re not overwhelmingly sentimental and, compared to many other Extraverted personalities, are not quite as open when it comes to talking about their feelings and emotions. Despite this, they are quite astute when it comes to emotional intelligence, a facet of their personality that is most likely to shine through when they’re in love.
Despite their outward emotional reserve, within the boundaries of a romantic relationship, Commanders’ naturally expressive nature – combined with their inherently rational way of approaching life – manifests in a straightforward, honest, and sincere approach to communicating their affection.
How Commanders Show Love
Commanders seem to have an innate ability to anticipate how their displays of love will reverberate throughout their relationship. That isn’t to say that they are premeditated or strategic in how they dole out their affection but that they are fully aware of how they can contribute to an overall sense of positive well-being for the person they love. People with this personality type understand just how impactful both what they do and what they say can be. Because of this, they’re likely to communicate their love and affection through plenty of thoughtful actions and recognition and appreciation. And because they are who they are, their partner should expect plenty of cerebral stimulation.
Thoughtful Actions
Relative to other Thinking personalities, Commanders are likely to be more perceptive about their significant other’s overall state of energy, and they tend to be conscious of their personal role in contributing to it. This is something that they likely approach with a sense of responsibility and purpose.
Because they are action-oriented and keen to do what needs doing, it’s natural for these personalities to take the lead on tasks and chores that they know their partner will appreciate seeing done. Love drives them to willingly offer their time and energy to their partner and the relationship through countless thoughtful actions, both large and small. They know that, in doing so, they are not only supporting their significant other but also fostering a loving, positive bond that strengthens the sense of commitment that holds their relationship together.
Recognition and Appreciation
Beyond their actions, Commander personalities are usually quite comfortable expressing themselves in a direct and straightforward manner, making verbal recognition and appreciation a natural love language for them. Commanders are communicators through and through – so when it comes to letting their partner know that they love and appreciate everything that they offer, they say what needs to be said. Granted, these assertions may come from a more analytical perspective, but that doesn’t mean that they’re not heartfelt.
Because Commanders are Extraverted types, however, their compliments may not be limited to the privacy of their relationship. They are typically comfortable expressing pride and gratitude when they feel it, so they might, for example, publicly call attention to or celebrate their partner and their partner’s achievements.
Cerebral Stimulation
Commanders’ analytical nature fully reveals itself in the way that they seek romantic connection through cerebral stimulation. It’s the one love language that blends their deep-rooted need for intellectual fulfillment with the loving affection that they feel for their partner.
Expect them to show their appreciation for their significant other’s intellect through probing questions and thought-provoking conversations. For some personality types, particularly those with the Feeling trait, the intensity of this love language might feel overwhelming. But it’s important to remember that the drive to build intimacy is what underlies their curiosity. And if they ask their partner for an opinion and then let it guide their actions, you can bet that it’s because their love (and respect) runs deep.
How Commanders Receive Love
It might seem like Commanders ride an eternal wave of self-motivated and headstrong confidence. But like most people, they yearn for the loving connection, affection, and validation that is found in committed romantic relationships.
For their partner, however, trying to figure out how to show love in a way that Commanders are receptive to may feel a bit confusing. People with this personality type are independent to the bone, don’t exactly interact with the world through an emotional filter, and can focus on their goals and efficiency in a way that may make it seem like they have little time for any intimacy that they do not initiate themselves.
That’s why the people who love these personalities have to rise up and meet them where they are. Affirm their ambition and bolster their drive by showing them recognition and appreciation for their nuanced vision and capacity to accomplish goals. Invite feelings of connection through cerebral stimulation. These love language preferences might seem more intellectual in nature, but for these types, the way to their heart is often through their brain.
Recognition and Appreciation
To successfully show love to Commander personalities through recognition and appreciation, it’s helpful to mirror their direct style of communication. It’s certainly acceptable to just say “I love you,” but they’ll probably feel the meaning of those words more fully if you back them up with details that explain the how and why. Elaborate upon the simple “I love you! You’re so thoughtful!” with specifics. Saying something like, “I love you, and one of the things that I love about you is the way that you put your time and energy into supporting me by [fill in the blank here],” will let them know that they – and all the effort that they put into the relationship – are both seen and valued.
When they do some kind of thoughtful action, acknowledge it as a demonstration of love well received. And beyond what they do for the relationship, make sure to show your appreciation for them as individuals. Tell them how proud you feel when you see them accomplish a goal that they’ve been working on for a long time. Recognize their tenacity. Celebrate their drive.
Cerebral Stimulation
Outside of simply appreciating everything that Commanders bring to the relationship, it’s possible to show them love by digging deeper into their minds and seeking connection through cerebral stimulation. Don’t just ask them about their goals – ask them about how they are going to accomplish those goals. Dive deep into the minutiae of their plans and try to understand their “big picture.” Bond by discussing opinions, exploring the overlap of shared ideas, and seeking out their perspective and advice (bonus points if you put it to use).
When their partner lovingly pokes and prods into the recesses of their mind, asking “why?” with genuine interest, Commander personalities light up. This kind of attention provokes not only feelings of attachment but also the sense that they have the support of their partner, which in turn feeds into that eternal wave of momentum and inspiration that keeps these types going.
Conclusion
When it comes to romantic love, Commanders are likely looking for a copilot. They want to be with that special person who gets them, appreciates the way that their mind works, and provides the essential feedback and committed support that they desire as they charge through life tackling one project after another. When they find that copilot of their dreams, they’ll put their brainpower to work making sure that that person feels good in the relationship.
The love language preferences discussed in this article may not be 100% on point for every Commander out there, but hopefully they’ve inspired a fresh curiosity for people with this personality type (and those who love them) to dig a little deeper into their understanding of how they express love and hope to receive it in return.
If you’re a Commander, please take a moment to leave a comment and let us know what your preferred love language is. And if you love someone with this personality type, feel free to share your observations as well.
Further Reading
- To learn more about how Commanders thrive in relationships – as romantic partners, friends, and parents – check out our premium Commander Guide to Relationships.
- Commander Personality and Emotions
- So You’re Dating a Commander (ENTJ)
- That Thing You Bring to Love
- See “Different Ways to Say ‘I Love You’: Love Language and Personality Type” for a complete list of articles published in our ongoing series on personality type and love language.