It might be hard to imagine Consuls (ESFJs) giving mixed messages about love. They are, after all, among the most emotionally open and communicative personality types. Their gestures of romantic affection tend to be quite direct and somewhat traditional, but this doesn’t mean that misunderstandings are impossible.
The best way to avoid crossed signals when it comes to expressing love is to have a clear understanding of both your own and your partner’s love languages.
Love language refers to the ways that we communicate love and hope to have it shown to us in return. We’ve identified seven distinct ways that people say “I love you,” which you can explore in depth in this article.
While there are many outside factors that can (and do) influence the ways that we express this most intimate of emotions, our personality type can provide reliable clues about our love language preferences. For Consuls, their Extraverted and Feeling traits notably enhance the grounded and practical aspects of their personality with a distinctly emotional expressiveness. This, of course, shines through to their relationships in the ways that they express their affection and how they interpret displays of love from their partner.
How Consuls Show Love
Consuls tend to be sincere, straightforward, and dedicated in matters of the heart. They lovingly and dutifully step into their role as a “significant other,” taking pride in their contributions to the relationship. They are commitment-focused and likely to prioritize maintaining their bonds of love over asserting their individuality or need for independence. Romantic relationships give meaning and purpose to their life, which in turn fuels their desire to proactively tend to them.
More often than not, this means dedicating a fair amount of time and energy to expressing their love through thoughtful actions. And while Consuls may firmly believe that actions speak louder than words, the power of loving language is not lost on them. They are likely to be generous with their compliments and appreciative comments, peppering their communication with plenty of recognition and appreciation for their partner. This expressiveness extends to the corporeal realm as well, making physical closeness another common love language for these personalities.
Thoughtful Actions
Consuls have a way of knowing what needs doing, a sense that is emotionally underscored by the Feeling aspect of their personality. When in love, this often manifests as a willingness to pick up tasks to make their partner’s life a little easier. If they know their significant other had a particularly busy day, for example, they might surprise them by ordering their favorite takeout or preparing a home-cooked meal.
It’s worth noting that Consuls’ thoughtful actions are rarely limited to the domestic realm. Their inherent consideration drives all of their kind deeds – from taking the lead on planning romantic dates (with their partner’s input, of course) to rarely letting special occasions like Valentine’s Day or a birthday pass without a special celebration. Their attentive nature permeates every facet of their relationship.
Recognition and Appreciation
Another thing that someone with this personality might do is share on social media about how amazing their significant other is – a gesture that reflects their tendency to express love through recognition and appreciation not only in private but in the public sphere as well.
This love language is often foundational in the way that Consuls reveal their affection. They’ll readily say “I love you,” but chances are they’ll regularly make comments along the lines of “I am so glad you are in my life!” or “I really appreciate everything that you do for us.” People with these personalities are among the most likely to compliment their partner, and gratitude is often a motivating factor.
Sometimes their appreciation may be more playful and less direct. Like most Extraverts, many Consuls enjoy flirting with their partner, which gives them the opportunity to express their love – not to mention their attraction – and to keep the spark of passion alive.
Physical Closeness
Flirting also creates opportunities for physical closeness. More than 76% of Consuls share that they’re openly expressive through physical contact – significantly more than any other Sentinel personality type. But the playful back-and-forth of physical flirting is just one way that this love language may manifest. Consuls also tend to be hand-holders and cuddlers, considering this kind of affectionate touch to be very effective for communicating love to their partner.
As yet another reflection of their considerate nature, Consuls are likely to consider their partner’s preferences for physical touch as one of the most important aspects of their relationship. Chances are they’ll attend to their partner’s needs with the same conscientious dedication that they apply to the other facets of their shared life.
How Consuls Receive Love
Because Consuls are such givers, it’s easy for their efforts to be taken for granted. They don’t always expect reciprocity and are likely to downplay the importance of the things that they do for their partner. On top of that, their attentiveness and thoughtful actions are not typically motivated by the need for praise or reward. All of these tendencies may unfortunately result in them feeling underappreciated. This is why they light up – and feel valued and loved – when they are given the recognition and appreciation that they deserve.
These personalities have a strong need to receive affection. For people who love Consuls, it’s important to remember this and to regularly demonstrate loving feelings by focusing plenty of time and attention on their partner and the relationship as a whole.
Recognition and Appreciation
Consuls genuinely feel good about going out of their way for their partner. Even if what they do falls into the realm of sacrifice, they do it willingly and with a sense of purpose. One of the single most powerful ways to let them know they are loved is to really see these kind acts for what they are and lovingly acknowledge the person behind them. Expressing recognition and appreciation to someone with this personality – either subtly or in the most overt and celebratory way – will reach straight to their heart.
A direct compliment accompanied by a heartfelt “I love you” will undoubtedly be well received, but consider offering a bit of public praise every now and then as well. Writing a sentimental and appreciative post on social media or voicing a well-timed compliment in front of friends or family will likely feel extra special, leaving these sentimental Extraverts vibrating inside.
Time and Attention
Consul personalities have a strong desire for connection, and nothing quite builds the bonds of love and trust like having fun with their partner. They deeply enjoy the intimate companionship that relationships offer. They don’t exactly expect their significant other to dedicate all of their free time to them, but they do tend to have a penchant for tradition and all that it entails when it comes to romance – which often means spending plenty of time together.
People who love Consuls can clearly communicate their love and wholehearted dedication to the relationship simply by finding plenty of time to be present in it. Remember, for these personalities, actions often speak louder than words. They probably aren’t waiting for their partner to take on any extra work (they’ve got that covered), but they are likely hoping for an evening bike ride, a cuddle on the couch, or a good conversation over dinner. Bonus points if the quality time together can include their friends.
Conclusion
It’s important to remember that the love languages presented in this article are not necessarily the default preferences for every Consul out there. So rather than think of this new information as a guide, consider it a jumping-off point for an important conversation with your significant other. Honest and open discussion is the only way to explore this topic in a manner that is relevant to your individual relationship.
If you’re a Consul – or if you love one – we invite you to share your insights about how the unique characteristics of this personality type influence your love language preferences in a comment below.
Further Reading
- Not sure about your partner’s personality type? Ask them to take our free personality test, or you can use our free Type Guesser tool for romantic partners.
- Then, use our premium Couple Analysis tool to explore how both of your personality types are likely to interact.
- Validating Your Consul (ESFJ) Partner’s Personality
- That Thing You Bring to Love
- See “Different Ways to Say ‘I Love You’: Love Language and Personality Type” for a complete list of articles published in our ongoing series on personality type and love language.