A fundamental aspect of connection is to understand and be understood. Wanting to feel understood is simply an essential part of the human experience across all personality types. It’s not based solely on speaking the same language or agreeing about the meaning of words – feeling understood transcends language. It’s the feeling that your thoughts, emotions, and ideas are not only acknowledged by others but also fully grasped and appreciated.
Feeling understood establishes an emotional connection, validates our sense of self, fosters acceptance, and promotes a sense of belonging. When we feel understood, we find ourselves in a safe haven where we can be honest, vulnerable, and true to ourselves.
On the flip side, when we feel misunderstood, a range of emotions might arise and serve as a breeding ground for self-doubt, second-guessing, and insecurity. Miscommunication creates a barrier – one that stops relationships from deepening. It can be a disheartening situation when what we’re trying to convey is simply not picked up on by others. Our communication falling short can create a sense of isolation. Even when we’re in the company of others, we can feel profoundly alone. However, we don’t have to.
The road that we travel in this article is a two-way street: as we yearn to be understood, we also must make an effort to understand others. That’s why we bring in empathy, as it’s pivotal in creating meaningful connections. Let’s go through these aspects step-by-step.
The Impact of Feeling Misunderstood
Feeling misunderstood is not exclusive to any one personality type. According to our “Being Misunderstood” survey, 91% of respondents say they often feel misunderstood, including a majority of each personality Role.
Feeling misunderstood is a universal aspect of being human and is not a flaw in character. However, considering the potential negative implications, it is worth paying close attention to when it becomes not just a recurring feeling but one that is persistently present. Because in the same survey, it is made clear that hardly anyone likes being misunderstood.
It’s quite normal to focus on the immediate emotional response to feeling misunderstood. Those feelings can translate into anger, frustration, or sadness. But for the purposes of this article, it’s the impact that extends beyond the immediate moment that we’re truly interested in. Feeling disconnected from the people around us on a regular, consistent basis can significantly affect overall well-being for all personality types.
Persistently believing that others don’t really understand you – or feeling like others don’t want to make the effort to do so – can lead to a sense of isolation. This can have quite a few trickle-down effects.
Chronic feelings of being misunderstood can lead to self-doubt, second-guessing, lower self-esteem, stress, and even anxiety or depression. (If you feel that this is the case for you, seeking support from trained mental health professionals can be incredibly helpful.) These issues may strain your relationships. If no one is trying to understand you, why bother with them anyway, right? Or maybe it’s because you can’t find the right words, so it’s just easier not to start a conversation. Whatever the case, the impact of chronically feeling misunderstood can be severe. But while feeling misunderstood can have a serious detrimental impact, it can also open the door to personal growth.
These situations where you feel misunderstood can prompt deep self-reflection and spur an eagerness to better understand yourself and others. Working through hard emotions, showing vulnerability, growing resilience, and increasing empathetic skills can be a beautiful outcome of these painful experiences.
The Desire for Authentic Connection
Recognizing that feeling misunderstood is all but inevitable actually opens up new avenues to explore. Having experienced the impact of feeling misunderstood and the inner turmoil that comes with it, we can become more attuned to others who are potentially feeling the same.
In an effort to ensure that neither we nor the people around us are being misunderstood, we can learn how to read subtle emotional cues and fine-tune our active listening. This might be more of a challenge for certain personality types than it is for others. Yet, as seen in our “Emotional Intelligence” survey, there is no personality type that is absolutely incapable of knowing how others are feeling just by looking at them. That’s as good a start as any.
Additionally, the vast majority of people, regardless of personality type, can hear emotions in people’s voices, according to the same survey.
Hearing and seeing your conversation partner are essential building blocks of empathy. Empathy, in turn, is an essential building block in establishing meaningful relationships. Empathy ensures that we not only hear the words that are spoken but also understand the subtlety of what’s left unsaid – the emotions, reactions, intentions, and perspectives that may be hiding behind the words.
Once we learn how to effectively use our emotional intelligence skills, we can channel feeling misunderstood into constructive conversations. We can understand that, most likely, people do not purposely misunderstand us, nor do we purposely misunderstand them. By asking clarifying questions and genuinely approaching conversations with an open mind, we actively bridge the gap of misunderstandings and start to create true connections.
True connections and meaningful relationships allow us to be our authentic selves. When we are able to create these types of connections, we lessen the likelihood of feeling misunderstood for two reasons: (1) we feel secure enough in our relationship to note that someone didn’t understand us fully (or vice versa), or (2) we surround ourselves with people who share our same interests or passions. Discussions become a lot more fun with people who share the same level of engagement in the topic, and you can dive deeper into the content to avoid misunderstandings altogether.
From Feeling Misunderstood to Belonging
Building or finding a community of like-minded people is a great start to forming meaningful connections and reducing the times that misunderstandings occur. Remember, though, that completely avoiding misunderstandings is not possible. As previously stated, it’s simply part of our human experience.
Personality types who are ready to embrace the connection challenge can start to create or search for the right environment for themselves. When successful, they won’t just feel misunderstood less often – they’ll actually feel like they belong. This is an incredibly important aspect to overall life satisfaction and happiness.
Depending on your personality type and Role, the right environment for creating a sense of belonging might look different. According to our “Belonging” survey, specific personality types feel a stronger sense of belonging with different types of people. People who welcome intellectually challenging conversations and allow for ideas and opinions to be shared and questioned in a constructive manner might be the perfect match for most Analysts and Diplomats, whereas Sentinels and Explorers might look for people with whom they can share moments and experiences.
It doesn’t really matter how connections are built – whether on intellectual or experiential common ground – as long as the connections are formed. These moments of genuine engagement with others are where one can finally start feeling that sense of belonging. And when we feel like we belong, it becomes easier to deal with adverse emotions, including feeling misunderstood every once in a while. With the right people around you, those feelings can become a source of opportunity. Will you seize it?
It’s true that repeated instances of feeling misunderstood do take a toll. Mental peace is disrupted. Self-perception gets upended. Relationships suffer in quality. Yet feeling misunderstood also offers an opportunity for growth and self-development.
Reflecting on your own experiences of feeling misunderstood and considering the impact that your understanding can have on others, what have your experiences taught you? Let’s start a conversation in the comments section below.
Further Reading
- Find out how good you are at understanding your own emotions with our premium Emotional Intelligence Test.
- Exploring the Conversations We Have with Ourselves: How Self-Talk Impacts Us
- Personality Traits and Belonging
- Personality Types, Emotional Intelligence (EQ), and the Workplace
- Understanding Loneliness: A Personality Type Perspective