There’s this person I know, a young woman I’ll call Mary. She’s a great friend, laughs freely, and is a lot of fun to be around. But the first time I hugged her, she stiffened like a board. For me, hugging – and any form of casual physical touch – comes naturally when I’m with my friends. I quickly realized, however, that Mary was the complete opposite.
As our friendship deepened, it became obvious that she has a very strong aversion to other people touching her. She dodges approaching hands with the deftness and agility of a dancer. It’s impressive, really, the way she protects her personal space.
I asked her about it one day – because I’m nosy like that. And what she told me was profound in its simplicity. With a shrug, she said, “It’s just who I am and how I’ve always been.” I couldn’t help but admire her unapologetic self-acceptance. Then she added, “It’s just part of my personality.”
At this point, it would be a good idea to go ahead and take our free personality test if you’re not sure what your personality type is.
How Personality Influences Our Preferences for Touch
The data from our research backs up Mary’s observations about herself. Certain aspects of our personality do seem to play an important role in how we relate to platonic physical touch, particularly the Thinking and Introverted personality traits.
According to our “Sense of Touch” survey, an average of about 56% of Thinking types agree that they enjoy casual physical contact, such as an arm around the shoulder, even when they’re out in public. Granted, that’s a majority, but compare that to the average of 79% of Feeling types who agree, and it’s clear that there’s quite a noticeable difference between people with these opposite personality traits.
Extraverted personality traits, we see results that suggest a similar correlation between Introversion and a lower likelihood for enjoying physical touch.
On average, 65% of Introverts agree that they enjoy light physical touch, compared to 84% of Extraverts. About 70% of Introverts feel that physical touch is an effective way to communicate, but compare that to the 86% of Extraverts who agree, and we see a hint of Introverts’ trademark reserve.
Thinking Introverts and Avoiding Casual Touch
So now it’s time to name names – lovingly, of course.
Architects (INTJ), Logicians (INTP), Logisticians (ISTJ), and to a lesser extent, Virtuosos (ISTP) are all noteworthy for their comparatively low agreement with the two survey questions that I mentioned above.
So what gives? Why are they like this?
Well, they just are. As my friend Mary – who happens to be a Logician – affirmed, it’s just part of their personality.
The combined influence of the Introverted and Thinking personality traits can be clearly seen in how each personality type answers the question, “Would you describe yourself as openly expressive through physical contact?”
sensory processing disorder. This is a condition that goes beyond simply avoiding physical touch and has to do with a person’s sensory system. Usually associated with neurodivergence, it involves extreme sensitivity not only to physical touch but also to anything that may brush against the skin.
The second factor is abuse. When an abused person’s physical body has been violated or mistreated by others, it can have long-term impacts on how that person interacts with the world around them.
Some Final Thoughts
If you’re someone who shies away from physical touch, rest assured that you are not alone, and most importantly, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s healthy to recognize and respect your comfort zone and personal boundaries.
That isn’t to say that there might not be some awkward moments, like when I first hugged Mary. But her self-acceptance and willingness to talk about her preferences – and my willingness to respect those preferences – were key factors in our becoming such close friends.
And you know what? Every now and then, and always on her own terms, Mary gives me a little squeeze on the arm when she’s really excited about something. This little squeeze means more to me than the biggest bear hug from a casual acquaintance, because I know that she trusts me completely and enjoys my friendship as much as I enjoy hers.
If you prefer to avoid casual touch, how do you think your personality factors into this tendency? How do you communicate your needs and preferences to others? Be sure to let us know in the comments.
Further Reading
- Spotting Personality Traits in the Wild: Thinking vs. Feeling
- How to Spot Introversion and Extraversion in the Wild
- Some Personality Types Have a Harder Time Accepting Affection
- Self-acceptance is part of everyone’s journey of personal growth. Check out our Premium Suite of guides and tests for more insights on how personality theory can help you be your best self.