Romantic Roadblocks: 3 Internal Conflicts in Love for Mediator (INFP) Personality Types

Many of us long for a deep, genuine romantic connection, but finding one that really sticks is often easier said than done.

At its worst, the search for love can evoke feelings of desperation, loss, loneliness, embarrassment, and shame. At its best, it can warm our hearts and give us more insight into who we are and what we need from our closest relationships. Either way, as long as we are learning along the way, the ups and downs of this roller-coaster ride might just be worth it.

In this article, we are going to focus on how Mediator (INFP) personality types tend to navigate their romantic connections. Specifically, we will explore some of the personality-based internal barriers that Mediators might face that can sometimes stop them from finding a truly fulfilling, long-lasting relationship.

Keep in mind that internal barriers to romantic connection are shaped by many factors, including our childhood, the cultures that we are part of, our dating history, our personality type, and more. That means that Mediators, as well as any other personality type, will find some variation in the kinds of internal barriers that they struggle with the most. That said, our goal here is to focus on the similarities that these individuals might share based on their unique personality.

Romantic Roadblocks for Mediators

Mediator personalities all share the Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Prospecting personality traits. When it comes to their love lives, they might be more reserved as they start a new relationship, but once they feel safe, these generous souls will shower their partner with love, affection, support, and encouragement. However, despite their capacity for profound love and affection, Mediators, like many of us, must navigate through a maze of internal barriers that can complicate the journey toward a deep romantic connection.

Romantic barriers can manifest as limiting beliefs that Mediators may have about themselves or others. They can also appear as learned behavior patterns that they have developed to protect themselves. Essentially, these barriers are anything within a person – whether in their perceptions, habits, or fears – that obstruct the cultivation of a profound and intimate bond with a partner.

Let’s delve into three specific internal challenges that Mediators might face within their romantic lives based on their personality type.

1. Lack of Self-Love

Mediator personality types are deeply idealistic, sensitive, and caring individuals. Their aptitude for empathy enables them to genuinely understand and share the feelings of others, fostering a natural kindness and acceptance that can transcend flaws and differences. But even though they are so kind and accepting toward others, Mediators sometimes have a hard time extending that same kindness and acceptance to themselves.

In our “Self-Love” survey, we ask whether respondents tend to focus on their flaws or their strengths. We see that Mediators are significantly above average in saying that they focus on their flaws, at 84%, compared to 61% of all personality types. We also see that Mediators are the least likely type to say they think about themselves with the same kindness and respect as they do their close friends, at just 26%.

This may be partly because Mediators are so idealistic and partly because they are deeply introspective individuals. They often aspire to embody their values and dreams perfectly, so they can feel disappointed in themselves when they think they aren’t living up to their own high standards. This can be especially true for Turbulent Mediators. But it doesn’t negate the fact that Mediators, in general, tend to be pretty hard on themselves.

So what does this have to do with romance? Well, having a healthy level of self-love equips an individual to navigate their relationships with confidence, self-respect, and autonomy. It helps people enforce their boundaries and look out for their own well-being, and it helps them stand up for what they want and need in their relationships, even when it might lead to conflict, uncomfortable situations, or loss.

On the other hand, a lack of self-love can set people up for failure in romance, as it can lead people to compromise their values or to settle for an unbalanced relationship where their needs aren’t being satisfied. Mediators may fall prey to this in their relationships from time to time.

2. People-Pleasing

As romantic partners, people with the Mediator personality type are usually very devoted to their significant other. They will almost always go out of their way to make sure that the person they are with knows that they are loved and supported. Normally, this is a beautiful thing, but sometimes it can get Mediators into trouble if they focus too much time and attention on their partner at the expense of their own needs.

Putting others’ wants and needs before your own needs and well-being is commonly referred to as people-pleasing. When people engage in this behavior, they often suppress their true feelings, opinions, and needs in order to make their partner happy.

Interestingly enough, Mediators are the most likely personality type to report struggling with people-pleasing, according to our “People-Pleasing” survey. About 74% of Mediators say they often sacrifice their happiness for the happiness of others. Similarly, 88% of Mediators say they often hide their true feelings to avoid upsetting others.

While Mediators may have good intentions, ranging from keeping the peace to genuinely just wanting their partner to be happy, they might ultimately be doing more harm than good when they engage in people-pleasing if they don’t also prioritize their own well-being. In the long run, people-pleasing can lead to a lack of genuine communication and connection in a relationship. Additionally, it often leads to suppressed feelings of resentment and frustration that can harm a relationship down the line.

3. Trust Issues

Mediators are big thinkers. They have vivid and creative inner worlds and dialogues that impact how they take in everything that they see, hear, and feel. While this pensive nature is part of what makes them unique and insightful, it can also be a source of stress, anxiety, and trust issues in their relationships if it causes them to regularly overthink their significant other’s thoughts and actions – especially at the beginning of a new relationship.

All it might take is not receiving a quick response to a text message or their partner saying an off comment at dinner for Mediators to start wondering what’s wrong and worrying about a variety of worst-case scenarios. In fact, according to our “Thought Patterns” survey, Mediators are the most likely personality type to say they spend a lot of time thinking about what-if scenarios, at 92%. They are also the most likely type to say they often find themselves stuck in negative thought patterns, at 78%.

If Mediators give the what-ifs or the stories that they tell themselves in their head too much power – without verifying the facts – it can be extremely challenging for them to build trust or to enjoy their relationship for what it actually is.

It is also important to note that Mediators often have vivid memories of their emotional experiences. Consequently, they may unconsciously carry the emotional weight of past relationships into new ones, influencing their perceptions and expectations without realizing it.

Projecting old relationship baggage onto a new relationship is a natural human tendency, but it is something that we should be mindful of, as this projection can be quite detrimental to a new connection if it overshadows what is happening in the present.

Final Thoughts

When it comes to finding love, Mediator personalities, like all of us, face internal challenges that inevitably bubble up to the surface during times of discomfort or uncertainty. These challenges are nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary, acknowledging and addressing them will not only provide us with profound opportunities for understanding and growth but also enhance our prospects for finding a truly compatible partner and laying the foundation for a relationship that is deep, resilient, and balanced.

Do you ever catch yourself unintentionally sabotaging your chances at a healthy, reciprocal relationship? Share your journey with us in the comments, so that we can explore ways to break through internal roadblocks to romantic connection.

Further Reading

• Ready to navigate your love life more mindfully? Check out the Mediator Guide to Healthy Dating – it will help you better understand (and overcome) the barriers to romantic connection that are holding you back.
• Explore the many challenges and advantages of being a Turbulent Mediator (INFP-T) with Turbulent Mediator Superpowers.
• Dive into our Premium Mediator Suite of guides and tests. It holds the knowledge that you need to help you enhance your relationships and build the life that you’ve always envisioned.