What’s it like to go out with a Commander (ENTJ)? Commanders don’t hold back on expressing their opinions – their frankness is legendary, as is their sharp, unsparing sense of humor. This personality type’s energy, confidence, and determination can be hard to resist.
Although they’re social and outgoing, people with this personality type often project an air of self-sufficiency – as if they don’t need anyone else to be happy. In many ways this is true: Commanders are remarkably independent and coolheaded. They tend to make decisions based on what’s rational rather than what’s popular, and they rarely fret about other people’s approval or expectations.
But don’t let that fool you into thinking that this personality type is emotionless, unfeeling, or detached from other people. Commanders are perfectly capable of deep feelings and relationships – they’re just highly selective about who they choose to share their feelings with.
Fun Facts about Commanders
- Commanders are a relatively uncommon personality type.
- Notable examples of this personality type include Steve Jobs, Whoopi Goldberg, Gordon Ramsay, and Downton Abbey’s Lady Mary.
- 74% of Commanders say they’ve intentionally stopped themselves from falling in love with someone – more than any other type.
No two people with a given personality type are exactly alike – as any self-respecting Commander would make sure to tell you. That said, this personality type does have certain tendencies when it comes to dating, romance, and love. So here are some things to keep in mind if you find yourself going out with a Commander.
They’re Not Made of Stone
Commanders are driven and ambitious. They generally have a clear idea of what they want to achieve and where they want to go in life – and heaven help anything or anyone who tries to keep them from meeting these goals.
Given their intense focus on success, you might guess that most Commanders don’t leave room in their lives for romance – but you’d be mistaken. Based on our research, Commanders are far from complacent when it comes to relationships. In fact, 73% of people with this personality type say their ideal social life includes a romantic partner.
Rather than leaving their dating lives to chance, Commanders are the types most likely to take the initiative – both when it comes to asking someone out and when it comes to making a relationship “official.” A majority of Commanders say they think that romantic partners should spend as much time together as possible, and an even greater majority say they seek commitment in their relationships.
People with this personality type aren’t made of stone, and they don’t care only about their grand plans and ambitions. In fact, Commanders can be incredibly generous with their attention and care. That said, this personality type doesn’t exactly specialize in mushy declarations of love. At times, you may need to tell your Commander exactly what they can do to make you feel appreciated and cared for. The good news is that Commanders do care about their relationships – and clear, direct feedback tends to go over better than subtle suggestions or passive-aggressive hints.
They Have Their Vulnerabilities
The impression that most Commanders give off can be summed up in a single word: confidence. People with this personality type know their own minds – and they’re usually pretty certain that whatever they think is exactly right.
From the outside, it may seem as though Commanders have no hang-ups or vulnerabilities. In the early days of a relationship, this confidence tends to be a bit intoxicating. It can be quite a rush to spend time with someone who doesn’t seem to second-guess anything – including their interest in you.
As the relationship progresses, though, you might find yourself wondering what lies beneath this personality type’s armor of self-assurance. Are Commanders’ feelings ever hurt? Would they even care if you broke up with them?
To learn more about what makes Commander (ENTJ) personality types tick, including their romantic preferences, check out our Premium Profile!
This dynamic can become even more difficult if you have a more sensitive personality. Commanders are known for their sharp tongues, and they tend to poke fun even at people they care about. If you push back, they might say, “Come on, I was just kidding. Why do you take this stuff so personally?”
Beneath it all, Commanders do have their vulnerabilities, and they can feel deeply. It may just take time for them to decide that they’re ready to share these aspects of themselves with you. However, that doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to share your own vulnerabilities and feelings in the meantime. If a Commander’s jokes or wisecracks make you feel insecure, don’t be afraid to push back and make certain topics off-limits. This personality type may get a kick out of pushing people’s buttons, but that doesn’t mean that they want to hurt someone they care about.
What Do You Think?
So, have you ever gone out with a Commander? What advice would you have for other readers who are dating someone with this personality type? Tell us in the comments!
Further Reading
- If you’re dating a Defender (ISFJ) or trying to understand your Protagonist (ENFJ) partner, we’ve got tips for you too.
- For a quick look at what other types are like in romantic relationships, see “16 Personality Types in Romance.”
- Not sure about your romantic partner’s personality type? Try our Romance Type Guesser. (Premium resource.)