What is it like to date a Defender (ISFJ)? Defenders are known for being steady, reliable, and protective. They take pride in being there for you when you need help, they’ll never forget your birthday, and they might just organize your junk drawer when you’re not looking. The Defender is also one of the more common personality types.
Of course, no two Defenders are exactly alike. For example, famous people with this personality include Queen Elizabeth II and Beyoncé, and we’d hazard a guess that dating the queen of England would be quite different from dating Queen Bey.
That said, Defenders do have many common tendencies and characteristics. Here are a couple of things to keep in mind if you’re dating a Defender.
Defenders Might Not Ask for Recognition, But That Doesn’t Mean They Don’t Appreciate It
Defenders gain a great deal of satisfaction from helping others, whether that means vacuuming out your car or hearing you out when you’ve had a bad day. Unlike some other personality types, Defenders often prefer to help out behind the scenes, taking care of things that they haven’t been asked to do, and they rarely demand thanks. This is just one of the ways they show their love and affection.
But beneath their unassuming exteriors, Defenders appreciate recognition and validation as much as anyone else. Be sure to thank them for the ways they help you out, both large and small. Otherwise, they might get a little resentful, even if they’d never admit to it.
Defenders Might Be Homebodies, But They Enjoy Being Treated to a Nice Outing Too
Defenders are often viewed as homebodies who’d prefer a quiet night by the fire to a wild night on the town. And for the most part, this is true. Consistent, predictable routines tend to appeal to people with this personality type, and this applies to date nights as much as it does to other areas of their lives.
But even the most steadfast Defenders crave some variety, and as much as they enjoy taking care of others, they also enjoy feeling cared for. If you’re looking for a way to make your Defender partner feel special, go ahead and plan an outing. Something serene but slightly elegant is always a good bet, such as a picnic at a beautiful garden or a candlelit dinner.
The keyword here is plan. If necessary, make a reservation or buy tickets in advance, and take care of any necessary shopping, chores, or errands beforehand. Even if the nature of the outing is a surprise, let your Defender know when they’ll need to leave so that they have plenty of time to get ready. If your Defender partner can trust that the details are taken care of, it’ll be that much easier for them to relax and enjoy the special day you’ve planned for them.
For more on what makes Defender (ISFJ) personality types tick, including what they’re looking for in romantic relationships, check out our Premium Profile!
Final Thoughts
Because they tend to be so consistent and helpful, it’s possible to take Defender personalities for granted. But whether you’ve just started dating or you’ve been together for years, you can’t go wrong by making a bit of a fuss over your Defender partner. They might say, “Oh, you didn’t have to do that,” but chances are they’ll secretly appreciate it whenever you offer them thanks or plan a special occasion for them.
So, readers, have you ever dated someone with the Defender personality type? What advice do you have for people who are going out with Defenders? Let us know in the comments below.
Further Reading
- If you’re dating a Protagonist (ENFJ) personality type, we’ve got advice for you too.
- Not sure about your romantic partner’s personality type? The Romance Type Guesser in our Academy is a useful tool.
- If you’re an Introverted personality looking to meet someone special, check out our tips in “The Introverts’ Guide to Online Dating.”