So You’re Dating a Protagonist (ENFJ)

What is it like to date a Protagonist (ENFJ)? Protagonists are known for being charismatic, principled, and confident. People with this personality type tend to hold themselves to high standards, and they aim to make ethical choices in every aspect of their lives – whether they’re contemplating a job change or what to order at a restaurant.

(In other words, don’t be too surprised if they ask the waiter whether the coffee is fair trade.)

All of this might make Protagonists sound as if they’re relentless do-gooders, and they are – but they also like to kick back and have fun. They’re among the personality types that most enjoy dancing, cooking, and venturing into the outdoors.

While no two Protagonists are the same, people with this personality type do share certain habits and tendencies. Here are some things you might want to keep in mind if you’re dating a Protagonist.

Protagonists Share Their Emotions Readily

Some personality types are emotionally reserved, preferring to play it cool when it comes to their feelings. Protagonists are not one of those types. In fact, Protagonists are among the personality types most likely to say they fall in love at first sight, cry from happiness, and express their emotions without holding back.

In a relationship, this openness can be something of a relief. Generally speaking, Protagonists don’t make you wonder how they feel about you. If you’re used to partners who play games or withhold affection, going out with a Protagonist can feel like a breath of fresh air.

As your relationship progresses – or even in the early days – Protagonists might expect this same transparency from you. Depending on how you relate to your emotions, that might be exciting, or it might be a bit uncomfortable. If you need time and space to process your emotions before you share them, then you may need to speak up and explain this to your Protagonist partner. The good news is that Protagonists take pride in their ability to understand other people’s perspectives, so they’ll probably listen carefully and honor your point of view.

Protagonists Can Be Perfectionists, and They Might Need Some Help Letting Up

Protagonists tend to strive for excellence no matter what they’re doing. Now, most of the time, this is an endearing trait that enables these personalities to be caring, loyal, and dedicated partners. After all, would you want to go out with someone who was totally apathetic about everything they did?

Protagonists’ perfectionism tends to come with the best of intentions, but it can sometimes get out of hand. People with this personality type might beat themselves up if they don’t meet all of their goals and take care of everyone else’s problems – and, while they’re at it, buy produce only from local farmers who use sustainable growing practices.

Most Protagonists are happiest when they pursue their values in a realistic, sustainable way. When they go into a perfectionistic tailspin, they might need your help breaking out of it. To do this, you have two options. You can have a deep conversation about why they feel and act the way they do – and because Protagonists tend to be so emotionally open, they’ll probably be more than happy to have this conversation. Or, as another option, you can put on some music, start a dance party in the kitchen, and help your Protagonist remember that a little spontaneous fun can be a very good thing.

So, readers, have you ever gone out with a Protagonist? What advice do you have for other readers who are dating someone who has this personality type? Let us know in the comments!

Protagonists Share Their Emotions Readily

Protagonists Can Be Perfectionists, and They Might Need Some Help Letting Up

Further Reading