Hosting a party can be challenging no matter what your personality type, but for us Introverts, it can feel especially stressful. Yet the potential rewards are significant – a chance to have fun and make great memories. Even if you’re inexperienced or just plain uneasy about hosting, it’s worth a try. Besides, pushing your boundaries is a wonderful way to grow as a person.
For what it’s worth, I am an intensely private Introvert who’s hosted many shindigs where fun was had and fond memories were made. I can attest that creating a circumstance where friends relax and laugh together can be worth the stress, even for a stress-prone Turbulent Introvert like me. Let’s consider some ways that you can make playing host easier and more fun.
Side note: COVID restrictions in my area are currently easing, so the subject of hosting parties once again feels reasonable. But I don’t mean to suggest that anyone engage in incautious behavior or to minimize what some are still going through.
1. Make Sure You Really Feel Like Having a Party
Before hosting a party, it might be good to make sure that you are up for such a social adventure. Hosting takes energy, and though we Introverts tend to hold our energy inside, we can be powerhouses when we really want something. But if you’re tentative or considering hosting out of a sense of obligation more than enthusiasm, you may start the ball rolling only to find yourself running out of momentum because your heart’s not in it.
On the flip side, we Introverts are great at talking ourselves out of doing the doable, sometimes running future scenarios in our heads to justify our avoidance (Intuitive personalities especially). Don’t self-limit the fun that you’re capable of having – consider mainly the positive potentials when deciding whether to host a party. Ask yourself whether it would be worthwhile if everything went great, instead of letting flimsy negative possibilities control the decision.
2. Make a Party Team!
One way to make hosting less stressful is to share some of the planning and execution with someone you love and trust. This could be a friend, family member, or romantic partner. (Of course, if the two of you disagree with each other, it can add even more stress, so choose wisely.)
Agree on whose party it is, and the other person can mute their preferences while offering help and suggestions. That way, the host gets valuable help while still having the party that they want. (And you can switch it up next time, for fairness.)
It’s natural for a romantic partner to pitch in when hosting a party, but if it feels odd to ask a friend to be your second-in-command, consider bribing them with title, status, and gifts: “I hereby appoint thee my party Marshal, with all the attendant duties, privileges, and this gift card to show my appreciation. Here’s your ceremonial sash.”
3. Should You Have Planned Activities or a Loose Format?
If you’re a Judging Introvert, it may feel natural to plan a party agenda with prescribed activities and timetables. If you’re a Prospecting Introvert, you may be more comfortable keeping things spontaneous – or have trouble keeping plans on track. Even good plans rarely survive first contact intact, and trying to control a party too tightly is a mistake. (Trust me.)
To put it bluntly, rigid precision is tiring for Judging personality types to maintain and difficult for Prospecting personality types to achieve. If your enjoyment is dependent on fixed expectations, it’ll be a lot harder to have fun. Besides, you don’t want your guests to feel like they’re following orders. But at the same time, you don’t want the party to flounder, and planned activities can be a fun foundation for a party. This presents a chance for personal growth for both Prospecting and Judging Introverts.
A good approach is to plan out specific activities while fully accepting that you might never get to them or that the sequence might be random. Organizing activities in a deft, timely manner can expand the boundaries of Prospecting personalities, and knowing when to discard or modify a plan can do the same for Judging personalities. The key is to look to your guests for indicators of what to do and when to do it.
If conversation keeps lapsing, brightly break out that planned activity to boost the energy. If everyone’s chattering away gaily and having fun, keep that activity in reserve, or let it fade. A social gathering can develop its own momentum and direction, and you can benefit from that without forcefully redirecting it. Bonus: Going with the flow can save you a lot of energy.
4. Don’t Overcomplicate the Menu
It’s natural to want to impress and reward your guests by serving them amazing food and drinks. That’s not a bad idea, and it can generate some real pleasure, but there are potential downsides: complex cooking is time-consuming, and challenging recipes can be nerve-racking when you have an audience. These aspects can massively increase the stress and exhaustion factors of hosting a party. For us Introverts, it’s worth asking ourselves if that’s the right “course” (tee hee).
I’ve done the fancy food thing, and I’ve also just made take-and-bake pizzas for my guests. Yes, it feels good to serve people elevated foods that I poured my heart into, but it also feels good to skip cooking and spend that saved time interacting with my guests. And honestly, I don’t think the guests’ enjoyment hinged on either approach. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t attempt complicated food. I’m saying don’t overcomplicate it to your detriment. Fancy is optional – fun is critical.
One compromise is to make time-efficient comfort food that serves a lot of people. (Two of my favs are pasta Bolognese or a big pan of baked mac and cheese.) Basic home cooking can help your guests feel like family without requiring a challenging, gourmet path – it offers a great effort-to-reward ratio. And of course, having a potluck is always an option. Since you’re an Introverted personality, social activities will likely take a notable toll on your energy. It can be wise to keep things from feeling too overwhelming.
5. You’re Totally Allowed to Set Boundaries
One of the biggest challenges for most Introverted hosts is the feeling of having a bunch of people come into your home. Aside from the universal “Oh no, I have to clean everything!” stress, there can be great discomfort at having others in your personal, private space. But you know what? Your guests don’t really need complete access to have a fun party. Get the bathroom sparkling fresh, make the living areas comfy and usable, but feel free to shut the door to your bedroom, studio, or other more personal space.
The same goes for how long you have guests in your home. It may seem weird to some people, but parties can have a defined start and end time. Of course, it pays to be more good-humored than uptight about that end time (and to assume an hour buffer for people to gradually leave). The whole “I have a thing to do early in the morning” excuse can work wonders.
It can be tricky, but you’re also allowed to set limits on attendance. For example, you might not feel like having kids or dogs at your party. Or you might not want to invite that one coworker who you find offensive or to let guests bring strangers. It’s your home, and you should feel no shame for having limits. (But be willing to accept the social ripples that may ensue.) Keep in mind that a party is also a great time to practice stretching those limits in the direction of being permissive, relaxed, and generous. Be as open as you can without being unhappy.
6. Be Attentive in a Way That Works for You
It’s not always easy for Introverted personality types to maintain gregarious energy output while entertaining guests and catering to their needs. But a toned-down version of the “good host” can still work very well. You might consider prioritizing the functional things that enhance your guests’ fun over lots of chatty engagement, some of the time. Keeping plates and glasses full doesn’t require fully joining in every conversation with a lot of energy.
People love to feel cared for, and a sweetly attentive host is a good host, even if they’re not the center of attention. It’s okay to mix in some ninja-waiter vibes as well as give people the benefit of your more outgoing side when you can. And when moments come to make an announcement or poll your guests (“Okay, who wants coffee or tea, and what do you like in it?”) feel free to delegate. Just ask someone suited to the task – perhaps an Extravert – and send them off on a mission.
7. You Can Hide for a While If You Need To
Taking a break from your own party can be a wise option – and you will probably yearn to do so anyway, at some point.
Go to the garage to “look for something,” duck into your room for a minute, go outside and water some plants, whatever. Be smooth and bold about it – just declare that you’ll be back in a few, and let things roll without you for a little while.
It might be considered rude to abandon your guests for very long, but it might not take long to refresh yourself and bounce back brightly.
8. Consider Hosting Your Party Out Somewhere
If having people in your home feels like too much, consider hosting a party somewhere else. You can book a table at a restaurant or other venue, or hold your party in a park or campground. (I used to host picnics at a local lake. Good food and swimming made for tons of fun.) And if you do your research, you might be surprised how many venue options you can choose from.
This approach may still require some effort to plan and host, but it frees you of some of the subtle struggles that Introverted personality types often face regarding their own private space. It may not feel so stressful to meet your friends somewhere as it does to have them all in your home. Plus, if you hold your party at a restaurant, it relieves you of providing the food and gives your guests more freedom as to what they eat and drink.
Another potential bonus is that your party could center around a third-party entertainment service. For example, book a tour and take your guests on an enlightening walk around the city or out in nature. Petting zoos, go-kart tracks, vintage arcades, kayak rentals…ideas abound for out-of-the-house group adventures, if you search them out.
Final Thoughts: Remember Your Goals
It’s appropriate to sacrifice for the sake of your guests – to some degree. But since Introverted personalities don’t feed off of social interaction in the same way that Extraverted personalities do, there’s only so far you can extend yourself before burning out. If hosting a party feels like too much, you might conclude that it’s not worth doing again, but you needn’t let it get to that point. If the goal of a party is fun, then your fun matters too.
Find ways to balance out your efforts with some rewards that make it all feel worthwhile. Chances are the company of good friends is enough to meet that mark, if you don’t let too much get in the way. Do what works for you and creates fun and laughter. A fast-food-filled game night with a few besties can be as grand as a gourmet gala. For Introverts, hosting parties can be a great way to practice new social skills and grow as a person, but the deeper goal is to create and share in joy.