That Thing You Bring to Love

When discussing love and romance, it’s easy to fall into the trap of dealing with what can go wrong or focusing exclusively on ways to maintain a relationship. These are important subjects, to be sure. Love and romance can be a tricky business. But what would happen if we also took a moment to energize ourselves by diving into a pool of pure positivity? Let’s talk about our strengths.

Each personality type has a certain style of dealing with the world that is positive and strong. Of course, there are weaknesses to counterbalance these, but some people (positive psychology practitioners, for example) would argue that the more beneficial focus should be on our strengths rather than the things that cause us to flounder. We at 16Personalities typically like to look at both sides, but just this once, let’s focus on our assets.

The potency of our romantic strengths is contingent on being matched with the right person. For positive traits to blossom into full bloom within a couple, both individuals must appreciate the relationship enough to apply their romantic superpowers. The following assumes a well-adjusted personality in a relationship mutually receptive to the strengths mentioned below.

Each personality type’s entry is divided into two parts: “What You Bring” and “Why You Should Bring It.” “What You Bring” is descriptive. “Why You Should Bring It” always has the same answer: because that’s who you are. But we also hope to offer a bit of nuance that provides a reason to bring your best self forward in your relationships.

Just this once, let’s be true romantics and talk about the gifts that we bring to enhance our relationships.

Analyst Personality Types

Architect (INTJ)

What You Bring: Architect, people with your personality type have a dogged need to make sense of things, and from the understanding that you gain, you try to make things work. Your practical problem-solving abilities may not seem like the sexiest thing on the planet, but it’s the way that you care, and it’s the way that you love. The right partner may find that incredibly fulfilling.

Why You Should Bring It: Even the best romance is fraught with potential pitfalls. But not on your watch, especially when you’re deeply in love. Even star-crossed lovers can benefit from good old-fashioned strategizing. Planning and goal-setting is essential to a thriving long-term relationship. So wrap this gift of organizing that you bring with a bow and bring it to the party.

Logician (INTP)

What You Bring: Logicians are more likely than the average personality to say they believe that love is the most important part of a relationship. More Logicians choose love than they do commitment as the thing that counts most. But, like everything else in their lives, there needs to be some rationality behind it. Love has got to be realistic for Logicians, and they value directness and honesty in their relationships.

Why You Should Bring It: There’s so much gamesmanship in the world of relationships that your open-minded directness is likely to be a fresh experience for those seeking sincerity. Your honesty is based on facts, but not in some rules-bound, contrived way. Instead, it’s spontaneous and natural. Instinctively telling it like it is can be the most loving thing one can do.

Commander (ENTJ)

What You Bring: Commanders do little by half measures. Any serious partner who comes into your life will feel like they are being taken seriously. You typically maintain a sense of responsibility and dedication. There is stability present, and everything that you do usually conveys some form of the message, “I got this.”

Why You Should Bring It: Stability. Sometimes modern love can seem so fragile and disposable. And sometimes, breakups and divorces are entirely necessary and justified. You’ll never get any judgment from me. But, on the other hand, as a Commander personality type, you are not likely to indulge the impulse to quit very easily. Once you’re locked in, you’re locked in. This can be reassuring in an era when romance can feel like a game of musical chairs.

Debater (ENTP)

What You Bring: As a creative and highly energized Debater, you’re always fine-tuning your understanding of everything, including the dynamics of the loving connection that you might find yourself part of. With your trademark charisma for days, dull moments are a rarity.

Why You Should Bring It: Boredom and stagnation are both canaries in the coal mine and things that do damage in a relationship. These two traits can bring about the fatal decline of a once-vibrant romance. However, there is little doubt that you, as a Debater personality type, will always bring the new and exciting into your love life, at least intellectually speaking – and probably in other ways as well.

Diplomat Personality Types

Advocate (INFJ)

What You Bring: There’s never a lack of passion when it comes to Advocates. With any serious relationship, you will plunge yourself into exploring both the emotional and spiritual depths of the connection. Both the darkest and the lightest corners of your relationship will be subject to your scrutiny.

Why You Should Bring It: Such attention to principles and motivations in a relationship may not always be comfortable, but it will likely show a deep commitment to your partnership. There are all kinds of passion, and enthusiasm for bringing out the best in a relationship is among them. People with your personality type scrutinize because they care.

Mediator (INFP)

What You Bring: Indeed, Mediator, your ideals are high, but your heart is open. Your tendency might be to avoid conflict, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t deal with the tough questions. Your personality’s bias is toward harmony, but you understand that harmony means nothing if it means sacrificing your standards. In you, your partner will find a true and compassionate seeker.

Why You Should Bring It: Because that’s who you are. And you understand that, without growth, there’s only entropy. So you’re going to bring that sense of self-improvement into your relationship for the benefit of both parties.

Protagonist (ENFJ)

What You Bring: Protagonist, your mixture of passion and almost clichéd idealism with some charisma blended in is a winning combination for the right partner. This may all come across as a bit superficial and exaggerated initially, but it doesn’t take long for potential partners to realize the deeper truths and the sense of commitment that resides in you. You’re the real deal.

Why You Should Bring It: Your genuine interest in both the quality of your life and the quality of the lives of others can move your relationship in profound directions. Together, you and your partner find that your life purposes become part of a shared journey. This fulfills both you and the person you love.

Campaigner (ENFP)

What You Bring: With the right partner, Campaigner, your sense of being all in when it comes to your relationship can be both exciting and reassuring. Like most Diplomats, you’re driven by ideals, and that can be very attractive. Your energy level and dedication are likely to flatter anyone you apply them to.

Why You Should Bring It: Great loves are marked by the kind of spirit that you possess. Because of this, you tend to give the most important gift in a relationship – the full presence of yourself.

Sentinel Personality Types

Logistician (ISTJ)

What You Bring: While your reserved manner may come across as uptight, Logistician, your seriousness can be very reassuring to the right partner. You may not always understand your partner’s emotional needs, but that is overshadowed by your willingness to stand by the person you love.

Why You Should Bring It: Your pragmatic way of caring can be a wonderful gift. A like-minded partner will benefit from your calm loyalty, and someone who is less “together” may find you the perfect complement.

Defender (ISFJ)

What You Bring: Hollywood would have us believe that relationships involve excitement, adventure, and drama. Still, stability can mean more to some people, including Defender personalities, than all the contrivances of every date-night movie combined. Your gift is to provide that steadfastness in a relationship.

Why You Should Bring It: Your heart is about being there when you’re needed, and when that’s needed, that’s more than enough. So leave the rom-com drama and excitement to the movie stars. You’ve got more important things to do.

Executive (ESTJ)

What You Bring: Because your qualities include both directness and traditional perspectives, Executive, the people in your life know where you stand. Your personality type’s rational approach leaves very little room for ambiguity.

Why You Should Bring It: Your brand of love provides a level of sureness that is often unmatched, and with certainty comes a sense of security. Your love can provide a safe harbor in an unpredictable world for romantic partners who want or need it.

Consul (ESFJ)

What You Bring: As a Consul personality type, you do not treat love lightly. You want to take care of those you love in meaningful ways. You’re serious about a relationship that works, and you’re serious about making your partner happy.

Why You Should Bring It: Such dedication to the act of forming a meaningful relationship is a treasure that can be hard to find for those seeking it. And there you are, waiting for them to come into your life.

Explorer Personality Types

Virtuoso (ISTP)

What You Bring: Virtuoso, you value freedom, so you offer freedom to anyone you fall in love with. Your ideal relationship highlights the idea that it is made up of two individuals. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that your connection is fragile. Two different tracks can still intertwine powerfully, even if the individuals are not joined at the hip.

Why You Should Bring It: Where and when you connect, you connect strongly. And if you find someone whose nature is as independent as yours, you offer exactly what they’re looking for. In fact, you may be offering what few other personalities can give.

Adventurer (ISFP)

What You Bring: The quiet sensitivity that you, as an Adventurer, bring to a relationship can profoundly affect the person you love. You softly come from the heart, and that speaks to a certain level of tenderness that may be hard for many to find in other people.

Why You Should Bring It: Such gentle warmheartedness can be an amazing gift to partners who want or need it. Along with this loving demeanor comes a sense of spontaneity and a willingness to look at the world from many different angles. These qualities combined can make you a cozy yet interesting partner.

Entrepreneur (ESTP)

What You Bring: You love a challenge, Entrepreneur. So when you come to a relationship, you bring all the excitement that comes with the take-no-prisoners attitude that you tend to bring to life.

Why You Should Bring It: With your penchant for risk-taking, you may not always bring the gift of an easy, secure life. Still, you always present the person you love with an interesting existence. And interesting is exactly what some people are looking for.

Entertainer (ESFP)

What You Bring: As an Entertainer personality type, you’re always looking for something new, fun, and exciting. This can keep a romantic partner either off their footing or excited. Of course, sometimes the two can be the same thing. But you always keep the energy high.

Why You Should Bring It: Your dislike of dull, lonely, or uninspired moments will likely be brought into any relationship that you pursue. As a result, you can fulfill the needs of a like-minded partner or help balance a more reticent partner’s life.

So, Bring It On

An interesting exercise may be to add to the information above, creating your own, more nuanced list of the assets that you bring to a relationship. While personality certainly plays a large role in the gifts that you bear, factors like upbringing, culture, etc., are also an influence. Whichever way your list pans out, knowing your strengths in a relationship can give you a sense of self that bolsters confidence.

Remember, each of the descriptions above is applicable when everything is balanced and the right person has entered your life. Mileage may vary according to life experiences. In the comments section below, let us know positive things that you’ve noticed about your personality’s influence on your relationships – or what your partner brings.