From time to time, most of us take a pause from reality. Whether we look back in time or turn our gaze toward the future, we project ourselves into a different time than the present. And we often do so for a variety of reasons. We might want to hold on to a night out with a loved one and revisit that evening over and over again, remembering every detail, every twinkle in their eye. We might transport ourselves to the front of a conference room where we’ll be presenting the quarterly results tomorrow, ready to field any questions and objections that we think might come our way. We rehearse how to ask our best friend out on a date. We rehash a fight that we had with our sibling, finally coming up with the perfect comeback to their devastating insult…just three days too late.
In our daily lives, for numerous reasons, we can find ourselves lost in thought, projecting ourselves out of the present moment and into the past or the future. This can manifest in a multitude of ways. Some of those ways are beneficial to us, while others hold us back from living our best lives. Yet knowing the difference between helpful and unhelpful projection isn’t always easy. What one person considers practicing for a big speech, someone else may perceive as unhealthy rehearsing in pursuit of perfection, an unattainable goal.
In an effort to help us all live thriving lives, we will explore how self-reflection impacts us, for better or worse. Self-reflection is the process of examining our thoughts, emotions, and experiences in order to gain insight, grow understanding, and foster personal growth. This process of looking inward to understand our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with regard to situations in the present or the past can also be applied to imagining and planning for the future.
The Connection between Self-Talk and Self-Reflection
Our words have incredible power. That’s why we tend to take care with how we speak to the people around us. Our words can build people up, provide comfort, inspire, and create connection and laughter. On the other hand, our words can also be used to tear people down, spread negativity and lies, and cause pain. What we sometimes forget is that this is also true when it comes to our own self-talk. Our internal dialogue can have a powerful effect on our mental health and well-being. It can lift us up or tear us down.
The words that we choose to say to ourselves matter. They have the power to shape our beliefs, perceptions, and actions. Fortunately, we have the ability to change the words that we use. By cultivating self-awareness and mindfulness, we can consciously choose words that positively impact us. We can start by identifying the negative thoughts and words that hinder our well-being. Our article “Exploring the Conversations We Have with Ourselves: How Self-Talk Impacts Us” can help with that identification and awareness. Once we become aware of our tendencies, we can challenge our thoughts and reframe them with more positive and empowering ones.
Self-reflection and self-talk are closely intertwined. When self-reflection makes us feel critical about ourselves, what impact does that have on how we talk to ourselves? When self-reflection makes us feel proud, how does that translate to our inner voice?
When we engage in self-reflection, whether rehashing the past or rehearsing for the future, the impact of our words on our own well-being and mindset cannot be underestimated. Our thoughts shape our perception of reality. Our perception informs our feelings. Our feelings guide our actions.
Different Ways to Use Self-Reflection
Self-reflection can be practiced in different ways, depending on personality type. A common misconception is that it is solely focused on the past, in an effort to gain insights into our inner world. However, it can also involve looking toward the future, with the aim of identifying areas for improvement, setting future goals, and aligning our decision-making with our values. In this way, we are preparing for situations that we anticipate might arise in the future.
When asked in our “Self-Reflection” survey how often they engage in self-reflection, a large chunk of respondents answer “Every day” – especially those with the Intuitive personality trait.
However, in that same survey, it becomes clear that, most of the time, across all personality types, self-reflection does not make us feel all that positive. Only about 31% of respondents report that self-reflection more often leads to a positive feeling, compared to a negative or neutral feeling.
How can we ensure that we get the benefits of self-reflection while maintaining a positive outlook and keeping our self-talk constructive?
Remembering the Past
When we look back on the past, reliving memories or analyzing concluded events, our self-talk can either serve as a source of growth through reflection or it can become a trap that holds us back. Looking back and realizing that we made mistakes or understanding a situation from a different angle can provide us with valuable lessons and insights that help us make better choices in the future. We learn how to avoid making the same mistake twice, or we learn how we could have solved a problem. Looking back provides the opportunity for introspection and, with that, self-growth. It gives us the chance to place ourselves in a greater perspective, take responsibility, and be accountable for our mistakes.
However, if we replay negative experiences on a loop and beat ourselves up over our mistakes, our self-talk can become self-defeating and create a negative spiral that makes us doubt ourselves. Dwelling on the past is like actively scratching a scab. It keeps the wound open. It benefits no one to walk around with an open wound for an extended period of time. Picking at it is tempting, though, and it’s hard to stop once you start it.
Forecasting the Perfect Future
Similarly, projecting ourselves into the future can be a double-edged sword. Setting goals and envisioning positive outcomes can boost motivation and create confidence across personality types, but an excessive focus on the future can lead to anxiety and stress. When we project ourselves into the future not just to prepare ourselves to show up as the best version of ourselves but also to worry about every possible scenario or create unrealistic expectations, we’ve crossed over to the dark side.
When we practice future situations that may or may not happen, we mentally prepare for the unknown and try to anticipate and possibly control the outcomes. There is nothing wrong with preparation and anticipation – in fact, they help us overcome nerves and anxiety, so we can show up as strong, confident versions of ourselves. They feed our assertiveness. However, when we start talking about controlling the future, that reflection becomes detrimental to us.
When we rehearse in an attempt to either completely control a situation or achieve perfection, we move past motivational and instructional self-talk and straight into negative self-talk, with harsh self-criticism eroding our self-esteem. (If you need a refresher on the different types of self-talk, you can read that here.) We’re bound to set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, and the pressure to meet those standards can increase our stress levels and anxiety and can instill a sense of inadequacy within us.
It’s a Balancing Act
When used positively, reflecting on the past allows us to gain insights, learn from our mistakes, and make better choices in the future. It helps us take responsibility for our actions and empowers us to evolve as individuals, regardless of our personality type. With the same positive lens, projecting into the future is beneficial for goal-setting, motivation, preparedness, and anticipating obstacles. It allows us to assert ourselves more confidently.
When we dwell too long on the past or obsessively think about the future, we risk missing out on the richness of the present. What is that saying? Life happens when you’re busy making plans. Life happens in the here and now, and our ability to fully engage in the present moment is vital to our overall well-being. Transporting ourselves to the past or to the future can interfere with that.
Reflection on the past and the future can be used as a tool for personal growth and empowerment by every personality type. When these reflections become distractions or sources of distress, we know that we’ve ventured too far. By finding a healthy balance, we can create a harmonious relationship with our past, present, and future and reap all of the benefits that they each have to offer.
How Does This Apply to Our Lives?
Staying with our balancing act analogy, every person’s point of gravity is different. So how do we find ours? While we are all unique individuals, we can take a look at the tendencies and preferences of the personality Roles to see if they can give us insight into finding our balancing point. When reflecting, some personality types might be more prone to revisiting the past, while others will enjoy looking forward to the future more. Either way, whether transporting backward or forward in time – or both – it is about finding the right balance. Let’s take a look at what that balance might be for each Role as well as how they can recognize when they’ve veered too far in either direction.
Analysts
Analyst personality types: Architects (INTJ), Logicians (INTP), Commanders (ENTJ), Debaters (ENTP)
Balanced
Reflecting on the past for Analyst personalities can be a powerful tool for learning and intellectual growth. Because of their shared Intuitive personality trait, they like to ask “What if?” and wonder about all the possibilities that the future holds, while maintaining a solid grip on logic and rationality. This is evidenced by their answers to a question in our “Self-Reflection” survey about whether they are more likely to consider past decisions versus their feelings during self-reflection. Analysts like to identify patterns, evaluate their own decision-making, and then refine their strategy for the future, so they can improve.
Unbalanced
When Analysts focus relentlessly on just the facts, past decisions, and mistakes made, they can get stuck in self-criticism and the accompanying negative self-talk. This may lead them to overanalyze every decision, resulting in analysis paralysis as they try to avoid making the same mistake again.
Diplomats
Diplomat personality types: Advocates (INFJ), Mediators (INFP), Protagonists (ENFJ), Campaigners (ENFP)
Balanced
Diplomats utilize self-reflection to improve their relationships – with others and themselves. Per our “Self-Reflection” survey, Diplomats are the most likely out of all the personality Roles to focus on their feelings rather than past decisions when they reflect. Yet they try to keep as balanced a view as possible and tend to give about equal weight to both their decisions and their feelings. Learning what worked for them and the people around them in the past – and what didn’t work – allows them to come up with new ideas focused on hope, inclusivity, and harmony. They can imagine a better world for all of us and motivate themselves and others to aim for more.
Unbalanced
The empathetic nature of Diplomat personalities allows them to zoom in on emotions and understand them in a way that might be mind-boggling to others. Yet this talent also opens the door to excessive rumination, reopening old wounds as Diplomats revisit negative emotions over and over again. Or, instead of revisiting a painful memory, they might pinpoint a cherished memory that they want to hold on to. They may end up convincing themselves that nothing will ever get better than that moment. Reliving the same memory, whether positive or negative, keeps Diplomats stuck and prevents them from moving forward. Feelings of resentment and defeat might creep in, increasing the chances that Diplomats will close the door on new opportunities that might present themselves in the future.
Sentinels
Sentinel personality types: Logisticians (ISTJ), Defenders (ISFJ), Executives (ESTJ), Consuls (ESFJ)
Balanced
Pragmatic as they are, Sentinel personalities tend to use self-reflection to learn from real, past experiences, taking into account details and practicality. They can then use that wisdom to decisively deal with the present and plan realistically for the future. By drawing from their past experiences, they know how to navigate similar situations in the future. This approach allows for consistency in decision-making, giving them their “solid” reputation. This is probably one of the reasons why these personality types feel so grounded in their identity, as per their own admission in our “Identity” survey.
Unbalanced
Sentinels value stability and structure, and in uncertain times, their focus might shift to creating a semblance of control. This can result in rigidity when planning for the future and increased anxiety and stress when things aren’t going according to that very specifically laid-out plan.
These personality types might get hung up on the mistakes or chaos of past experiences. That focus on practicality and structure can potentially trip Sentinels up – in their quest to make sense of it all, they might focus too much on the details and miss the bigger picture.
Explorers
Explorer personality types: Virtuosos (ISTP), Adventurers (ISFP), Entrepreneurs (ESTP), Entertainers (ESFP)
Balanced
Quick on their feet, Explorers enjoy uncertain situations. Their preference for spontaneity and flexibility allows them to identify plenty of opportunities in the future. These personality types seek out new experiences that align with their own interests. When they look back, it’s to determine how saying yes to the unpredictable brought them value and how they can replicate that value in the future.
Unbalanced
When asked in our “Self-Reflection” survey whether self-reflection often results in a change in their behavior, Explorer personalities are the least likely to agree. If they do not take the lessons of the past to heart, they go into the future with little caution or self-awareness. The risk for these personality types of not engaging in self-reflection is that they stunt their opportunity for self-growth. On the occasions that they do look back, they might only see missed opportunities. In an attempt to avoid future disappointment, they might find themselves stuck in a dilemma. On the one hand, they might overcommit themselves, fearing the regret of missed opportunities. On the other hand, they might feel so overwhelmed by the sheer number of opportunities that they are too afraid to commit at all.
Finding the Right Balance
Reflection, whether we contemplate the past or project into the future, is a powerful tool that can impact our lives and well-being. However, whether that impact is positive or negative depends on us and how we utilize self-reflection.
Finding the right balance in self-reflection can help us grow on a personal level and empower us to step outside of our comfort zone. The past has a well of information and lessons to take to heart, while the future is filled with exciting opportunities to stretch our abilities and motivate us to do better. Dwelling too long on the past or obsessively focusing on the future, however, can hinder our ability to make the most out of the present. Likely, this will lead to negative self-talk, stress, anxiety, and worry. These are not great ingredients to a joyful, fulfilling life.
By creating awareness and mindfulness in order to understand what is happening right now and find the balance in taking the teachings from the past – all while seeing opportunities to grow in the future – we can empower ourselves to take on more than we may think we are capable of.
Depending on our personality Role, reflection can bring us and the people around us a ton of benefits in different ways. When finding the right balance, the positive impact of transporting our minds to the past or the future gives Analysts the opportunity to refine their strategies and improve their decision-making. With the right balance, Diplomats can strengthen relationships while working to create a better future. Sentinels can use their self-reflection powers to take past experiences and plan realistically for the future, while Explorers can find new opportunities in uncertain situations.
By embracing the power of reflection – either on the past or the future – we can all learn, grow, and thrive. It’s all about striking the right balance between the past, the present, and the future.
When do you feel like you’ve hit the right balance? Let us know in the comments.
Further Reading
- Mediators (INFP) and Self-Reflection: Finding Harmony Within
- Exploring the Conversations We Have with Ourselves: How Self-Talk Impacts Us
- Growth vs. Fixed Mindset: How the Personalities View Their Abilities
- The Introspective Personality
- Our Premium Suite of guides and tests can help you reflect on your personal growth, relationships, and career to achieve the life that you envision. Get started today.