From time to time, most of us take a pause from reality. Whether we look back in time or turn our gaze toward the future, we project ourselves into a different time than the present. And we often do so for a variety of reasons. We might want to hold on to a night out with a loved one and revisit that evening over and over again, remembering every detail, every twinkle in their eye. We might transport ourselves to the front of a conference room where we’ll be presenting the quarterly results tomorrow, ready to field any questions and objections that we think might come our way. We rehearse how to ask our best friend out on a date. We rehash a fight that we had with our sibling, finally coming up with the perfect comeback to their devastating insult…just three days too late.
In our daily lives, for numerous reasons, we can find ourselves lost in thought, projecting ourselves out of the present moment and into the past or the future. This can manifest in a multitude of ways. Some of those ways are beneficial to us, while others hold us back from living our best lives. Yet knowing the difference between helpful and unhelpful projection isn’t always easy. What one person considers practicing for a big speech, someone else may perceive as unhealthy rehearsing in pursuit of perfection, an unattainable goal.
In an effort to help us all live thriving lives, we will explore how self-reflection impacts us, for better or worse. Self-reflection is the process of examining our thoughts, emotions, and experiences in order to gain insight, grow understanding, and foster personal growth. This process of looking inward to understand our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with regard to situations in the present or the past can also be applied to imagining and planning for the future.
The Connection between Self-Talk and Self-Reflection
Our words have incredible power. That’s why we tend to take care with how we speak to the people around us. Our words can build people up, provide comfort, inspire, and create connection and laughter. On the other hand, our words can also be used to tear people down, spread negativity and lies, and cause pain. What we sometimes forget is that this is also true when it comes to our own self-talk. Our internal dialogue can have a powerful effect on our mental health and well-being. It can lift us up or tear us down.
The words that we choose to say to ourselves matter. They have the power to shape our beliefs, perceptions, and actions. Fortunately, we have the ability to change the words that we use. By cultivating self-awareness and mindfulness, we can consciously choose words that positively impact us. We can start by identifying the negative thoughts and words that hinder our well-being. Our article “Exploring the Conversations We Have with Ourselves: How Self-Talk Impacts Us” can help with that identification and awareness. Once we become aware of our tendencies, we can challenge our thoughts and reframe them with more positive and empowering ones.
Self-reflection and self-talk are closely intertwined. When self-reflection makes us feel critical about ourselves, what impact does that have on how we talk to ourselves? When self-reflection makes us feel proud, how does that translate to our inner voice?
When we engage in self-reflection, whether rehashing the past or rehearsing for the future, the impact of our words on our own well-being and mindset cannot be underestimated. Our thoughts shape our perception of reality. Our perception informs our feelings. Our feelings guide our actions.
Different Ways to Use Self-Reflection
Self-reflection can be practiced in different ways, depending on personality type. A common misconception is that it is solely focused on the past, in an effort to gain insights into our inner world. However, it can also involve looking toward the future, with the aim of identifying areas for improvement, setting future goals, and aligning our decision-making with our values. In this way, we are preparing for situations that we anticipate might arise in the future.
When asked in our “Self-Reflection” survey how often they engage in self-reflection, a large chunk of respondents answer “Every day” – especially those with the Intuitive personality trait.
you can read that here.) We’re bound to set unrealistic expectations for ourselves, and the pressure to meet those standards can increase our stress levels and anxiety and can instill a sense of inadequacy within us.
It’s a Balancing Act
When used positively, reflecting on the past allows us to gain insights, learn from our mistakes, and make better choices in the future. It helps us take responsibility for our actions and empowers us to evolve as individuals, regardless of our personality type. With the same positive lens, projecting into the future is beneficial for goal-setting, motivation, preparedness, and anticipating obstacles. It allows us to assert ourselves more confidently.
When we dwell too long on the past or obsessively think about the future, we risk missing out on the richness of the present. What is that saying? Life happens when you’re busy making plans. Life happens in the here and now, and our ability to fully engage in the present moment is vital to our overall well-being. Transporting ourselves to the past or to the future can interfere with that.
Reflection on the past and the future can be used as a tool for personal growth and empowerment by every personality type. When these reflections become distractions or sources of distress, we know that we’ve ventured too far. By finding a healthy balance, we can create a harmonious relationship with our past, present, and future and reap all of the benefits that they each have to offer.
How Does This Apply to Our Lives?
Staying with our balancing act analogy, every person’s point of gravity is different. So how do we find ours? While we are all unique individuals, we can take a look at the tendencies and preferences of the personality Roles to see if they can give us insight into finding our balancing point. When reflecting, some personality types might be more prone to revisiting the past, while others will enjoy looking forward to the future more. Either way, whether transporting backward or forward in time – or both – it is about finding the right balance. Let’s take a look at what that balance might be for each Role as well as how they can recognize when they’ve veered too far in either direction.
Analysts
Analyst personality types: Architects (INTJ), Logicians (INTP), Commanders (ENTJ), Debaters (ENTP)
Balanced
Reflecting on the past for Analyst personalities can be a powerful tool for learning and intellectual growth. Because of their shared Intuitive personality trait, they like to ask “What if?” and wonder about all the possibilities that the future holds, while maintaining a solid grip on logic and rationality. This is evidenced by their answers to a question in our “Self-Reflection” survey about whether they are more likely to consider past decisions versus their feelings during self-reflection. Analysts like to identify patterns, evaluate their own decision-making, and then refine their strategy for the future, so they can improve.
Advocates (INFJ), Mediators (INFP), Protagonists (ENFJ), Campaigners (ENFP)
Balanced
Diplomats utilize self-reflection to improve their relationships – with others and themselves. Per our “Self-Reflection” survey, Diplomats are the most likely out of all the personality Roles to focus on their feelings rather than past decisions when they reflect. Yet they try to keep as balanced a view as possible and tend to give about equal weight to both their decisions and their feelings. Learning what worked for them and the people around them in the past – and what didn’t work – allows them to come up with new ideas focused on hope, inclusivity, and harmony. They can imagine a better world for all of us and motivate themselves and others to aim for more.
Logisticians (ISTJ), Defenders (ISFJ), Executives (ESTJ), Consuls (ESFJ)
Balanced
Pragmatic as they are, Sentinel personalities tend to use self-reflection to learn from real, past experiences, taking into account details and practicality. They can then use that wisdom to decisively deal with the present and plan realistically for the future. By drawing from their past experiences, they know how to navigate similar situations in the future. This approach allows for consistency in decision-making, giving them their “solid” reputation. This is probably one of the reasons why these personality types feel so grounded in their identity, as per their own admission in our “Identity” survey.
Virtuosos (ISTP), Adventurers (ISFP), Entrepreneurs (ESTP), Entertainers (ESFP)
Balanced
Quick on their feet, Explorers enjoy uncertain situations. Their preference for spontaneity and flexibility allows them to identify plenty of opportunities in the future. These personality types seek out new experiences that align with their own interests. When they look back, it’s to determine how saying yes to the unpredictable brought them value and how they can replicate that value in the future.
Unbalanced
When asked in our “Self-Reflection” survey whether self-reflection often results in a change in their behavior, Explorer personalities are the least likely to agree. If they do not take the lessons of the past to heart, they go into the future with little caution or self-awareness. The risk for these personality types of not engaging in self-reflection is that they stunt their opportunity for self-growth. On the occasions that they do look back, they might only see missed opportunities. In an attempt to avoid future disappointment, they might find themselves stuck in a dilemma. On the one hand, they might overcommit themselves, fearing the regret of missed opportunities. On the other hand, they might feel so overwhelmed by the sheer number of opportunities that they are too afraid to commit at all.
Mediators (INFP) and Self-Reflection: Finding Harmony Within