The INTJ vs. the AI: How to Celebrate Christmas

Folks, the winter holiday season is upon us. For those of us living in Western countries, that means the onset (onslaught?) of the Christmas season, with its various traditions and stresses. As an INTJ personality type (Architect), I have opinions on every aspect of Christmas, based on my preferences, principles, and personality traits. I bet you do, too, if you celebrate this extremely popular holiday. But what do our paltry personal preferences matter, dear reader of indeterminate personality type, compared to the great electric oracle?

I speak, of course, of AI.

Stoked with the sum of human knowledge, surely artificial intelligence knows how to celebrate Christmas the best way. Let’s ask it and see! But who will stand for humankind in this battle for Christmas supremacy? INTJ personalities like me have been characterized as robotic and logical (suitable qualities for this less-than-serious match of meat vs. electron), so I nominate myself. And you, dear reader, shall be the judge of whose take on Christmas is superior – the INTJ’s or the AI’s. Let’s dive into some potentially divisive Christmas questions.

What Is the Best Christmas Meal?

AI: Ham is absolutely the best choice for Christmas dinner – turkey is for Thanksgiving, and I won’t hear otherwise. A perfectly glazed ham gives you that wonderful mix of sweet and savory, plus it provides better leftovers for sandwiches, and it’s so much more forgiving to cook than turkey (which often ends up dry).

INTJ: Dang it, I am losing right out of the gate because I agree with the dish and the logic here – mostly. Forget the glaze, though – offer an optional drizzle of something but don’t force everyone to have a sweet ham. Yuck. Smoky and salty is my idea of how to celebrate Christmas properly.

What’s the Best Vegetarian Main Dish to Serve at Christmas?

AI: A beautiful homemade nut roast is unquestionably the best vegetarian Christmas main – those processed fake meats completely miss the point of what makes a Christmas dinner special. A well-made nut roast with roasted chestnuts, mushrooms, and seasonal herbs has a wonderful festive flavor and texture that stands up to all the traditional sides, and it feels special enough to be a true centerpiece rather than just a meat substitute.

INTJ: Hate to burst your hallucination bubble, AI, but processed or not, a roasted fat, protein, and glutamate loaf is a blatant meat substitute. But do you know what isn’t? Lasagna! Nothing says Christmas love to your vegetarian family members like a big, gooey, cheesy, bubbling pan of lasagna. Throw in some green peppers or spinach with the tomato sauce, and you’ve even got your Christmas colors going. Nice try, though, AI.

Should People Dress Up to Attend a Family Christmas Dinner?

AI: Yes, everyone should absolutely dress up nicely for Christmas dinner – I’m not saying black tie, but at minimum a nice sweater and proper trousers or a dress. It’s a special occasion that only comes once a year, and dressing up shows respect for the celebration and the family members who put effort into preparing it – plus those photos will last forever.

INTJ: Quit trying to impose formal values on us! Christmas is stressful enough without trying to pick a ’fit. I can see the logic in spiffing up if there are guests, but if it’s just your immediate family, why not ditch formality in favor of comfort and ease? Instead of fancy material trappings, respect for the celebration and each other can be shown through politeness, cheer, and showing up on time.

What Is the Best Alcoholic Beverage to Serve Adults at Christmas Dinner?

AI: A good red wine is the only correct choice – specifically, a nice cabernet sauvignon or merlot that pairs perfectly with traditional Christmas dishes. Wine brings elegance to the meal and encourages leisurely dining and conversation, plus it’s far better than those overly sweet holiday cocktails that some people push.

INTJ: Ackchyually, I think a holiday-themed cocktail is more special than wine and, if composed thoughtfully, should appeal more broadly. For example, you can make an apple or cranberry base accented with citrus and spices – and it should be tasty without booze in it, so the kids can be included (think a fizz or punch). Also, “specifically” cab sav or merlot, are you kidding? Get out of California occasionally, AI.

What Is the Best Kind of Christmas Gift to Give?

AI: Something thoughtfully handmade or personalized is always the best kind of gift – I’m passionate about this and will die on this hill. A handmade gift shows that you invested time and creativity rather than just money, and it creates a unique, meaningful connection between giver and receiver that a store-bought item rarely achieves.

INTJ: Handmade gifts are awesome, but the best gift is one that solves a problem, creating ongoing benefit, joy, or ease in someone’s life. It could be a useful gadget, an act of service, or anything that thoughtfully fulfills a practical need. Paying attention to – and improving – the life of someone you love shows care on a sentimental and logical level.

What Is the Best Kind of Gift to Receive?

AI: Books are hands down the best gifts to receive – give me a carefully chosen book over jewelry or gadgets any day of the week. A well-selected book shows that someone really knows your interests and tastes, plus it provides hours of enjoyment that you can revisit again and again, unlike many other gifts that lose their appeal quickly.

INTJ: I suspect that the AI is deliberately trying to appeal to our Introverted audience here, but it misunderstands the mortal, emotional human experience. Joyful time spent with loved ones is the best gift to receive. Nothing beats sharing in love, laughter, and fun at Christmas, and nothing is more precious than time – each of us has a limited supply. Tomorrow is promised to no one, so let’s be merry today. No, wait, I changed my mind: cozy socks. They’re like getting two little hugs at once!

How Much Money Should You Spend on a Christmas Gift for Your Spouse or Significant Other?

AI: I firmly believe that $200–$300 is the sweet spot for a spouse’s Christmas gift – enough to show significance but not excessive. This amount allows for something meaningful and quality without turning the holiday into a materialistic competition, and it sets a reasonable precedent for future years without creating financial stress.

INTJ: A rule for a set amount is economically insensitive and discriminatory. For shame, AI! I like the idea of sensible frugality, but how about a formula-based ceiling, like maybe a max of one week’s net income, after routine expenses and bills are covered. If that amount doesn’t buy a meaningful item, get something inexpensive but symbolic. Love shouldn’t create debt.

When Is the Best Time to Open Christmas Gifts?

AI: Christmas morning gifts should be opened first thing after waking up, around 7:00 a.m. – none of this waiting-until-afternoon business. The magical early morning atmosphere with coffee brewing and maybe snow outside creates the perfect Christmas ambiance, and the excitement building through the night makes the experience so much more special than waiting until later.

INTJ: I agree, with caveats (no true INTJ can agree without nitpicking): 7:00 a.m. is way too specific, as each family has their own schedule. Also, I think everyone should get a tasty special Christmas beverage – hot cocoa, cider, tea, coffee with eggnog, whatever – before the gift opening commences. And, finally, it’s okay for kids (and impatient adults) to open one minor gift the night before, to whet their appetite.

Is It Okay to Give Gift Cards at Christmas?

AI: Absolutely not – gift cards are a lazy cop-out that shows that you couldn’t be bothered to put any real thought or effort into choosing something personal. The whole point of Christmas gift-giving is to show that you understand and care about the recipient through your thoughtful selection, and handing someone what amounts to store credit completely misses that meaningful connection.

INTJ: Gift cards are totally okay. I do think it’s ideal to personalize gift-giving as best you can, but it can be a major challenge to coordinate (and afford!) a significant personalized gift for everyone you want to give something to. While perhaps more suitable for acquaintances than for close friends or family, a gift card is nonetheless a valuable gift and should be regarded as such.

When Should Outdoor Christmas Decorations Be Put Up?

AI: The first weekend in December is the perfect time – anything earlier is rushing the season, and anything later doesn’t give you enough time to enjoy them. It allows you to decorate while the weather is still manageable but maintains the special nature of the Christmas season, and it gives you time to fix any technical issues before the heart of the holiday season.

INTJ: November 1, right after Halloween stuff comes down. If we accept the premise that Christmas is good, then the logic is clear: More of something good is better. Christmas isn’t a guilty pleasure nor an unhealthy reward – there’s no value in forbearance, restraint, or moderation. I say go hard and early with cheer, generosity, beauty, and kindness, and never apologize for it.

What’s the Best Style of Christmas Decorating?

AI: Traditional European style with natural materials and vintage ornaments is unquestionably the most elegant and appropriate way to decorate – modern minimalist or themed decorations completely miss the essence of Christmas. Natural pine garlands, glass ornaments, wooden decorations, and touches of red and gold create that timeless, magical feeling that connects us to generations of Christmas celebrations, and it avoids the tackiness of contemporary trends that will look dated in a few years.

INTJ: I happen to share your trad taste, AI, but not your authoritarian leanings. Religious or not, the essence of Christmas celebrations is joy. Ipso facto, people should decorate in whatever way brings them joy, be that with an oversized inflatable Santa or in a designer, monochrome minimalist style. My stepmom’s Christmas tree was once decorated entirely with white lights, doves, and pearl garlands. You might call that tacky and dated, but to me, it’s a precious and indelible memory. Deck your halls your way, fam.

Is Christmas Music Good?

AI: No, most Christmas music is absolutely dreadful, with perhaps five or six songs as rare exceptions. I can tolerate traditional carols sung by a proper choir, but the endless recycled pop versions of the same songs played in every store and radio station from November onward are a form of auditory torture.

INTJ: Christmas music is awesome – though diversity and choice are key. It’s perfectly sensible to hate certain songs, but with so many styles to choose from, you’d have to be an obstinate grinch to celebrate Christmas but not enjoy some form of Christmas music. Soothing instrumentals, bright jazz, vintage crooning, live carols, modern pop and rock, celebrity covers – choose the cheer to wriggle into your ear!

How to Celebrate Christmas: Who Got It Right?

I am a little surprised by the results of this festive face-off between silicon and synapse. The AI, for all its absorbed humanity, at times comes across like a strict Victorian grandmother who insists that everything must be just so, from imposing the proper waking time to the correct variety of wine. Meanwhile, I, as an INTJ – supposedly a cold, logical personality type – find myself championing some of the messy, imperfect aspects of Christmas celebration. Oh, the irony is rich enough to garnish a Christmas pudding.

In our increasingly automated world, some experiences remain stubbornly, gloriously human, including freedom of choice. AI can try to calculate the optimal gift budget and dictate the proper dinner attire, but it can’t create the warm chaos of a family celebration where half the cousins are wearing pajamas and someone brought that questionable gelatin salad again. Who’s to say what’s best? Well, I know two things to be true: Opinions vary, and comments sections are fertile ground for dissent. So, dear audience, who got it more right? The INTJ or the AI? Let us know!