“Expectation is the root from which disappointment grows.”
Ah, the ideal date – as unique to individual personalities as it is unlikely…unless you have very realistic ideals. But that’s not easy with fictional romance tropes buzzing around your head, is it? Like a bee trapped in your car, they can make things risky – don’t sting me, idealized expectations! Quick, we need another quote!
“Acceptance is the balm that soothes the sting of unmet hope.”
Maybe writing motivational phrases isn’t my strong suit, so let’s move on to personality type theory and the data that grants it ever-so-lovely weight. Knowing one’s limits is the first step to becoming unlimited. (How’s that one? No? Okay, moving on…)
I’ve been exploring our research on tradition in romance, including how couples with different views on tradition might reconcile those differences in a relationship. Here, we’ll look at a question from our ongoing “Ideal Date” survey: “Is your ideal date more quirky and creative, or classic and traditional?” Whether it’s a blossoming new romance or an established couple’s night out, both partners deserve to enjoy a date, right?
But before we proceed, I invite you personality typing aficionados to guess which personality type most favors a classic and traditional date and which most favors a quirky and creative date. (No cheating!) I’ll reveal those stats later, and you can let me know in the comments what your guesses were. First, let’s check out the responses of the personality Role groups to date:
Analyst and Diplomat personality types overall seem to prefer a quirky and creative date. That almost certainly has a lot to do with the differences between Intuitive and Observant personality types – there’s about a 20-point gap in average agreement rates between personalities with those respective traits. Let’s break that down.
Analyst and Diplomat Personality Types
Members of the two Intuitive Role groups, Analysts and Diplomats, enjoy exploring the depth of their imagination to the highest degree. That mindset affects how they engage with external reality as well, including places, events, experiences, and other people – like on a date. Intuitive personalities are always seeking (or trying to create) the imaginative side of life. On a date, that may go hand in hand with a preference for unfamiliar things or unconventional approaches over familiar ones.
So if an Intuitive personality is planning a date, they may gravitate toward activities (or at least settings) that are outside of their routine in the hopes that exploring them with a partner will bring excitement and joy. Likewise, these personalities are relatively likely to enjoy it if someone else plans an imagination-heavy date for them. That doesn’t always mean something adventurous, though. It could be the chance to express personal creativity and uniqueness in a relatively sedate way: for example, making art together, versus an energetic group activity like an escape room.
Sentinel Personality Types
The Sentinel Role group is the least likely to prefer a quirky and creative date, likely due to their Judging trait. There’s a roughly 16-point gap in agreement rates between Judging and Prospecting personalities. Sentinels are the only Role group with minority agreement, though really, they’re fairly evenly split between preferring a quirky, creative date and a classic, traditional date. So it’s not accurate to say that they dislike quirky, creative dates – it’s just that they may be reasonably likely to see value in something classic and traditional.
For Sentinels, there’s a certain pleasure in affirming a favorite experience, setting, or activity. Returning to something familiar with a loved one is one of the ways that they find comfort and joy. They also like the certainty of the positive payoff that often comes from a traditional, tested activity. That probably doesn’t mean doing the same thing over and over – it just means staying within the realm of familiarity more often than not. For example, Sentinels may see merit in a classic and traditional date like going out to dinner and a movie – yet they may still want to try new restaurants and see new movies.
Explorer Personality Types
The Explorer Role group is a bit more open than their fellow Observant types, the Sentinels, to creative and quirky dates, owing to their Prospecting personality trait. While these personalities may not get as lost in imagination as Intuitive types tend to, they have a great appreciation for novelty. Routine and repetition bore them quite quickly, especially when it comes to something personal like dating, versus a necessary responsibility like work. Most Explorers enjoy a date that includes something unfamiliar, exciting, or even a bit odd. For them, those things bring mental stimulation, and that translates into joy that can make romance come alive.
However, Explorers may look more to the external world than their own imagination when it comes to quirky and creative date ideas. For them, interacting with what’s happening around them is its own kind of excitement, an in-the-moment style of engagement that differs from internal imagination. So, while they like trying something quirky and creative on a date, they’ll enjoy it most if the activity is not limited to their mindscape or some conceptual context – for example, a carnival or fair where they can delight in unexpected experiences being presented to them.
An Odd Couple: The Most Opposed Types
Earlier, I invited you to guess which personality types agree least on the ideal date, but that’s not just trivia. Let’s suppose that those two personalities were a couple and think about how they might accommodate each other’s very different date preferences. Because let’s face it: real-life differences between any personality types affect their relationships. In this case, our conflicted couple are a Campaigner (ENFP, about 84% favoring quirky, creative dates) and a Logistician (ISTJ, about 66% favoring classic, traditional dates).
3 Dating Tips That Campaigners (ENFPs) Need to Hear