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Turbulent Protagonists (ENFJ-T) and Relationship Codependency: I Can Be Your Hero, Baby

Brie 6 comments

Protagonists (ENFJ) might be the ideal romantic partner for many people. Their passion, commitment, and focus on growth make them the perfect partner in crime – er, partner in compassion, given their altruistic, do-gooder nature. When Protagonist traits are combined with the Turbulent trait, this personality type’s trademark characteristics tend to be altered.

Turbulent Protagonists (ENFJ-T), like Assertive Protagonists (ENFJ-A), place great importance on intimate relationships and pour love into their romantic endeavors. Yet they’re more likely than their Assertive counterparts to lack confidence and to experience insecurity in these relationships, a combination that could trigger codependent behaviors in some cases.

Codependency is where one person “needs” to be needed by another person and adopts a caretaker or savior role in the relationship. This dynamic is almost always harmful to both people involved, even when the codependent partner has good intentions. As we discuss in this article, the Feeling and Turbulent traits align with many codependent tendencies.

Like many other Turbulent, Feeling personalities, Turbulent Protagonists are generous and often put others before themselves. They may feel that their life purpose is to lend a helping hand to others, often without bounds. And this can extend to their romantic relationships. But it’s not all one-sided: according to our “Relying on Others” survey, people with this personality type are among the least likely to say they actively avoid being dependent on others. To them, people are at their best when helping and being helped by others. But when taken too far, this reliance on and responsibility for each other can spiral into codependency.

Leading in Love

Most Turbulent Protagonists consider themselves to be leaders, and they often embrace leadership in romance too. They don’t take love lightly and are one of the most likely personality types to say that having an official label on a relationship is important to them. And they’re more likely than average (and considerably more likely than most other Turbulent types) to establish that label themselves by asking the other person out.

People with this personality type feel responsible for others, and they’re known for being highly protective. And though Turbulent Protagonists tend to have more self-confidence than other Turbulent types, that confidence is bolstered by the things that they do for others, including a romantic partner. This is common among Turbulent, Feeling types in general. However, it’s also common among people who struggle with codependency – they often believe that their worth is determined by how self-sacrificing they are in relationships.

In a more balanced, interdependent relationship, some Turbulent Protagonists may find that their self-concept begins to crumble. They might even begin questioning what value they bring to their relationship if they allow themselves to sometimes step down from the role of the leader.

The Line between Interdependence and Codependency

So what values do Turbulent Protagonists bring to their relationships if those relationships are interdependent? In interdependent relationships, each partner is worthy simply for being their whole, authentic self. This is something that most Turbulent Protagonists will gladly get behind, given their preference for authenticity.

Still, people with this personality type may sometimes have codependent tendencies that can get in the way of healthy romance. For example, unlike most people in interdependent relationships, people in codependent relationships often find it hard to make decisions without consulting their partner. Similarly, Turbulent Protagonists are one of the least likely types to say they can easily make decisions alone. When they do make decisions, they’re careful to factor in others’ feelings, even when deciding on important personal goals. In this way, they might self-sacrifice in an attempt to “save” the other person from hurt. But both partners hurt more when they don’t follow their authentic paths.

Another instance where some Turbulent Protagonists may slide into codependency is when they give without establishing any boundaries. The majority of people with this personality type say there’s no limit to how much they’d sacrifice for the ones they love, similar to other Feeling personalities. But in healthy, interdependent relationships, some boundaries are essential.

Helping or Hurting?

Turbulent Protagonists are dedicated to growth, both for themselves and their loved ones. This is usually at odds with codependency. In codependent relationships, the caretaker may subconsciously try to limit the other person’s growth, so that they remain dependent on each other. The catch with Turbulent Protagonists, however, is that they often have their own idea of how their partner should grow – and they may take it upon themselves to manage their partner’s self-improvement journey, similar to what plays out in codependent dynamics.

This help isn’t always welcome, and it can even be hurtful to both partners. Principle-driven Turbulent Protagonists might have thoughts on how their partner could be a “better” person and try to mold them to fit those ideals. But projecting their own principles and beliefs onto their significant other may only make the other person feel like they aren’t good enough – or even that they’re treated more as a project than a partner. This can quickly erode the love and acceptance needed for a relationship to survive.

Turbulent Protagonists, too, may suffer from their attempts to change their partner. People with this personality type are more likely than average to say they’re often disappointed because they expect too much from others. And when they focus more on the development of others than themselves, they may neglect their own needs and growth opportunities in the process.

Conclusion: Bringing Balance to a Codependent Relationship

As we mentioned in our first article on codependency, there are several ways to improve a codependent relationship. In doing so, Turbulent Protagonists don’t have to give up the unique brand of generosity that they offer their romantic partner. But it’s important to examine the roots of their generosity and how their “help” may be received by their significant other.

Though people with this personality type love taking the lead, their relationships may benefit from a more even approach. Turbulent Protagonists can continue living by the principles that make up their authentic selves – while letting their partner do the same.

Further Reading