We all experience moments of discomfort – dry mouth before a speech or public performance, sweaty hands before an exam, or all-over tension and jitters before a job interview. Some people never seem to get uncomfortable or tense, while others may be known as “nervous Nellies” who work themselves into bundles of anxiety when faced with seemingly trivial events.
We often think that being cool under pressure is proof of healthy self-confidence; however, what about those highly confident people who also experience nervous symptoms and tension? How can that be explained?
The truth is, we all experience moments of discomfort and tension, but we differ in our tolerance for being uncomfortable or tense. Does our personality determine our tolerance level? If so, what traits have the most influence? To find out, we asked readers to agree or disagree with the following statement: “You cannot stand feeling uncomfortable or tense.”
Of the five personality traits, Mind and Identity have the greatest influence on discomfort and tension tolerance. Respondents with Introverted (86%) and Turbulent (88%) traits tended to agree that they cannot stand feeling uncomfortable or tense. Their Extraverted (74%) and Assertive (67%) counterparts typically showed less agreement, indicating a higher tolerance for discomfort or tension. Statistically, the Identity aspect alone wields a 12% influence over how tolerant a person is to feeling uncomfortable and tense, regardless of any other factors such as age, experience, or culture.
The other three aspects – Energy, Nature, and Tactics – have a collective influence, but individually, their influence is relatively small. We saw only minor differences between Intuitive and Observant personality types, Thinking and Feeling types, and Judging and Prospecting types.
We will see the effects of the Mind and Identity aspects in greater depth when we look at the Strategies. For now, let’s look at how the different Role groups feel about being uncomfortable or tense.
Roles
Diplomats (84% agreeing)
With a resounding 84% of Diplomat personalities agreeing with the statement, apparently few things are as intolerable for this Role as feeling uncomfortable or tense. The Intuitive-Feeling combination responsible for Diplomats’ gift of empathy may actually be the main culprit here. For true empaths, there is a risk of excessive empathy, which may manifest as an emotion known as “fremschämen.” This German term refers to the discomfort one feels when witnessing another’s discomfort, especially in the form of embarrassment. While most people may feel a slight twinge or nervously laugh at another’s embarrassment or blunder, Diplomats feel genuine fremschämen.
Sentinels and Analysts (both 78%)
The fact that Sentinel and Analyst personality types were tied makes sense, because logic and objectivity are shared hallmarks of these Roles. With more than three-quarters (78%) of both Role groups agreeing, however, logic and objectivity don’t seem to significantly increase either Role’s tolerance for discomfort or tension.
It is in these Roles that the heavy weight of the Mind aspect shows itself. Introverted Sentinels and Analysts reported agreement scores of 80-88%; Extraverted Sentinels and Analysts, however, scored quite a bit lower (65-75%). Introversion, with its internal focus, heightens one’s awareness of being uncomfortable and makes it difficult to focus on anything else. Extraversion, on the other hand, directs attention outside of oneself, which can help to distract from discomfort. Furthermore, the highly independent and methodical nature of Sentinels and Analysts makes the physical effects of emotional experiences – like nervous sweating, trembling, and blushing – particularly uncomfortable for these personality types.
Explorers (75%)
It appears that even the free-spirited Explorer personalities have a tough time withstanding discomfort and tension, although as a group their agreement score was the lowest (with 75% agreeing). The Explorers’ score is the average of a wide range, from the high-scoring, Introverted Adventurers (ISFP) (84%) to the low-scoring, Extraverted Entrepreneurs (ESTP) (61%). The Introvert-Feeling trait pairing makes the Adventurer more sensitive (and less tolerant) to feeling uncomfortable or tense. If we take a closer look at the Entrepreneurs, we can also see the dramatic effect of the Identity aspect: Turbulent Entrepreneurs (ESTP-T) had a high agreement score of 78%, but Assertive Entrepreneurs (ESTP-A) had a much lower agreement score of 53%.
Let’s see how each Strategy fared:
Strategies
Constant Improvement (91%)
It’s no wonder that the combination of Introverted and Turbulent personality traits made Constant Improvement the highest-scoring Strategy, with 91% agreeing. Unfortunately, this highly self-conscious group is likely to be caught up in a “discomfort feedback loop” – their Introversion directs their attention inward, making Constant Improvers more sensitive than most to discomfort and tension, and their Turbulent trait directs their perception outward, assessing other people’s opinions and judgments. The vicious cycle of discomfort and tension becomes exacerbated by an overly self-conscious worry that others will notice (and judge them for) their discomfort. Turbulent Defenders (ISFJ-T) (93%) and Turbulent Advocates (INFJ-T) (92%) were the highest-scoring personality types on this topic. These types typically prefer individual pursuits to social events, and they are highly likely to fall prey to the discomfort feedback loop, making it very difficult for either to stand feeling uncomfortable or tense.
Social Engagement (85%)
The Extraversion of Social Engagers helps them fare slightly better; 85% of Social Engagers agreed with the statement. Leading this Strategy is the Turbulent Protagonist (ENFJ-T), 87% of whom struggle with enduring discomfort and tension. Characteristic of Diplomat personalities, Protagonists are empaths; the Turbulent trait may account for their tendency to be unduly affected by the emotions of others. Protagonists with the Social Engagement Strategy experience discomfort and tension more than other Extraverts, due to their fear of appearing insecure or doubtful to those they are trying to inspire or lead.
Confident Individualism (73%)
Confident Individualists are rather intolerant to discomfort and tension; 73% of respondents with this Strategy agreed that they cannot stand feeling uncomfortable or tense. There is, however, a wide variance of personality types within this group: 81% of Assertive Advocates (INFJ-A) agreed, but only 63% of Assertive Virtuosos (ISTP-A) agreed. Advocates, whether Assertive or Turbulent, struggle with improvising and acting on the spot; one of their worst fears is being caught unprepared or off guard (which is, of course, the root of discomfort and tension). Virtuosos, however, excel at reading the environment and shine brightest when improvising and “feeling their way through.” These skills protect Virtuosos from tension and increase their tolerance of discomfort.
People Mastery (64%)
The Assertive Extroverts in this Strategy group have the lowest agreement score; only 64% of People Masters were unable to stand feeling uncomfortable or tense. As Extraverts, they focus their attention on their environment and the people around them; they can either distract themselves or shrug off their discomfort with a healthy dose of humor. Representing this group are Consuls (ESFJ) (67%) and Entertainers (ESFP) (61%). These two personality types also show the slight, but noteworthy, influence of the Tactics aspect. Judging Consuls and Prospecting Entertainers have matching Nature and Energy aspects, but their different Tactics account for what gives them their confidence. Consuls trust their planning abilities and gain confidence from their plans; Entertainers trust in their ability to “wing it,” letting their confidence pull them through. Turning their attention outward and using their environment and other people to distract them from their discomfort helps People Masters tolerate feeling uncomfortable and tense.
Conclusions
Nobody likes to feel uncomfortable or tense, but some people are better at tolerating these feelings than others. Anxiety and nervousness are the usual causes of discomfort, with the main symptoms being sweating, blushing, jitteriness, and sometimes stammering or being overly chatty. Our tolerance for discomfort is related to our personality traits; some traits make us more sensitive (and thus less tolerant) to discomfort, while others act as a protective barrier, increasing our tolerance. We can increase our confidence by preparing (as best we can) for a performance, exam or interview, and we can handle uncomfortable moments as they come with a sense of humor and the distraction of others. And if all else fails, we can try to remember that we’re only human, and we all have our own distinct strengths and weaknesses.
What about you? Can you stand feeling uncomfortable or tense? What tricks help you get through uncomfortable moments? Let’s discuss it in the Comments section below!