Validation is a great way to strengthen your romantic relationship. In the first installment of this series, we more fully discussed the idea of validating your partner’s personality as something distinct from validating their emotions. Note also that validation is different from approval because it can be given regardless of how you feel about your partner’s personality and habits. It’s showing understanding and acceptance – a loving thing to do in difficult and joyful moments.
When you validate your partner’s personality without judgment, it can boost their sense of security and self-esteem.
Here, we’ll explore some ways to offer validation to an Architect (INTJ) partner using several likely personality aspects as examples. These ideas are just a starting point, and you can observe your partner’s unique personality to find other ways to offer validation.
Validating Architect Qualities
Intense Opinions
Anyone who knows an Architect has probably noticed that people with this personality type tend to have strong opinions, which are often presented forcefully. But people close to Architects also learn that behind the pointed opinions usually lie not just deep thought but also a personal code of morality. Your Architect partner believes what they believe because they think it’s what’s right. That sincerity is a worthy, admirable quality.
Yet validating your Architect partner for having intense views doesn’t mean that you need to show approval for those views. Validation here is more like saying “I respect your thinking” than “I agree.” Sometimes, your Architect partner will use you as a sounding board for their opinions and ask for your feedback, and then you can share it. But validation can be free of judgment or opinion and more about listening and understanding.
Architects tend to have the expectation that others will either agree with them or find fault with them. They may find it reassuring and affirming when you bypass those expectations and just appreciate how their mind works. It can also be a fun, fascinating experience to follow along with their thinking and see not only where it goes but also the underlying rationales for their strong opinions.
Strict Habits
Your Architect partner almost certainly has detailed ideas about how to optimize life. Their habits and approaches to tasks may evolve over time but are likely to be specific at any given moment. They try to set up their world to produce efficient results, and that personality aspect can surface in a romantic relationship – for better or worse. Either way, you can always validate your Architect partner’s personality by showing that you understand how important their “optimal” methods are to them.
Validation here can look like entertaining your partner’s habits whenever possible. And when change or compromise is needed, an attitude of understanding and acceptance is still appropriate. Taking time to understand what your partner hopes to achieve as well as their way of doing it will help them feel supported. A routine or method tends to be very important to an Architect because they see it as a step toward a desired outcome.
Luckily, one of your partner’s goals is to share mutual happiness with you. They might be quite willing to modify their approach if given a good reason – they’ll factor your needs and preferences into their system. Validation is not only a great gift – it will also give your partner a good reason to be more open to new ways of doing things.
Blunt Communication
Most Architects learn to be tactful and aware of their environment, yet even though they may exercise great social skills, their preferred style of communication can be very direct. You’ve probably noticed how your partner sometimes relaxes their more polite public persona and speaks without much pretense in private. Architects are most uncensored around those they trust.
Validating your partner when they share unfiltered streams of thought can help reinforce that trust. Sometimes that can mean listening to what they intend to convey more than their tone and shrugging off any seeming insensitivity. They’ll appreciate being able to speak honestly, and you’ll gain the benefit of knowing what they truly think and feel – a big advantage in any relationship. Architects value truth over deception and revel in sharing deep thoughts.
You can also offer validation when your partner’s communication style produces an unintended or negative consequence. Showing understanding and acceptance can be particularly helpful when your partner puts their foot in their mouth, as everyone does at times. Chances are they meant no harm and have a thought or motivation behind their words that’s worth exploring. Architects value objective self-awareness, and they’ll appreciate a gentle reality check that helps them avoid hurting someone – especially you.
Technical Inspiration
Despite the social world that we live in, it may feel like your Architect partner focuses less on personal relationships than on objects, pursuits, or even ideas. They may invest a lot of time in things like reading, practicing a skill, or exploring systems. Even when spending time with others, they may gravitate toward technical or theoretical conversations, enjoying the intellectual stimulation.
Validating the natural enthusiasm that your Architect partner has for those kinds of things can not only help them be happy but also strengthen your connection to them. Your partner may feel a little conflicted for focusing on their technical interests, and your understanding can help them stay energized and in tune with their creativity. They’ll be grateful, and you may be impressed with how their creative abilities enhance your shared life.
Your Architect partner may even try to share their technical interests with you, but don’t be surprised if that looks more like enthusiastic explanations more than invitations to participate. Architects sometimes feel satisfied by individual engagement as much as shared experience. It’s equally important to allow them that personal fulfillment as it is to have mutual pursuits that you can enjoy together.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t expect a reasonable balance in your Architect partner’s priorities, especially when it comes to your relationship. For your partner, feeling validated means feeling as though their interests are a good use of energy, but you can show that you respect whatever enthuses them while also pointing out other priorities.
Conclusion: Helping Your Architect Partner Build Themselves
Architects have a combination of personality traits that often leads them to a divergent mindset. When it comes to the social world, they may feel like outsiders, yet they still yearn to feel a human connection. You have a special place in your partner’s world and a lot of power to help create joy and security for them. Architects may project a certain unassailable detachment, but your partner’s heart is listening very closely to what you communicate.
Your approval can give them a valuable boost, but more important is your ability to help them hear the message that who they are is okay. Architects can be very self-critical, and when you model acceptance of both the troublesome and wonderful aspects of their personality, it can help move them closer to self-love. Your validation is something that your Architect partner will treasure – and love you for.