My instinct is to protect my children from pain. But adversity is often the thing that gives us character and backbone.

As parents, people with the INFJ personality type (Advocates) have a clear vision for what matters to them: raising their children to be independent and all-around good people. INFJs take their responsibilities seriously, and if these personalities become parents, they think deeply about how they can shape their children’s lives and experiences in positive ways.

Parenthood isn’t easy, but few expect it to be. INFJ personalities know that many of life’s most worthwhile pursuits are also the most challenging – a mindset that helps them keep sight of joy and fulfillment amid the daily struggles of raising children. In many ways, parenting allows people with the INFJ personality type to make wonderful use of their strengths, including creativity, compassion, and the incredible devotion that they feel toward those they love.

Be Unique, Just Like Me

Caring and loyal, INFJ parents are willing to do pretty much whatever it takes to better their children’s lives. But it would be a mistake to think that parents with this personality type are pushovers. In fact, INFJs can be quite strict, because their commitment to building their children’s character in the long term is rarely outweighed by momentary considerations.

While they bring many gifts to raising children, it’s important to note that no parent is perfect. At times, people with the INFJ personality type may hold their children to unrealistic standards that don’t take into account each child’s personality or stage of development. For example, an INFJ parent might expect their child to model the same integrity and honesty that they expect from themselves, becoming dismayed whenever their child behaves in a way that they perceive to be ungenerous or unethical. Or INFJs might push their children to be independent, creative, and unique, seeing it as a concerning trend if their child craves external guidance or wants to stick to the status quo.

To a child, all of these expectations can feel contradictory and impossible to fulfill. And depending on the child’s personality and their developmental stage, these expectations might quite literally be impossible for their kids to achieve. In adolescence, children might rebel by flouting these standards or by espousing beliefs that go against their parents’ values. In this situation, INFJs may feel that their children are criticizing or rejecting them – a hurtful thing to such a sensitive personality type.

That being said, it’s also important to remember that INFJ personalities are well-known for their capabilities of empathy and understanding. So, while initial misconceptions might bring about challenges, they have an inherent ability to reassess, adapt, and evolve their approach.

A Job Well Done

INFJs strive to make sure that their children grow up with a firm understanding of the difference between right and wrong. Parents with this personality type encourage their children to fight for a cause that they believe in and to be the best they can be. Whatever age their children might be, these parents can find a great deal of fulfillment and meaning simply in helping their children learn to be true to themselves.

Ultimately, INFJ parents tend to realize that it isn’t a sign of failure if their children turn out differently than they’d expected. Instead, they come to see this as a sign that they’ve successfully raised someone who has the ability to form their own ideals. And their kids often come to appreciate the combination of independence and integrity with which they were raised – especially as they get older.